April 30, 2024
Blood Friar - Meeting
[Posted by Ted H]
Been pouring my free time into my Showdown card creation obsession, apologies. Have ideas cooking in my brain for writing though...
----------------------------------------------
[Blood Friar - Meeting]
To his credit, the cop was prompt and already in a booth when John arrived. He was dressed in a dark blue suit and had a crew cut, giving him every bit the professional image John had imagined. “Detective Baird,” John said as he walked over and extended his hand. Baird had been contemplating the menu when John arrived and dropped it as he rose to shake hands. “That’s right,” he said as he eyed John, “You’re not Blake though.”
“Observant,” John said as they took their seats across from each other. “Kind of my job,” Baird stated, “I was given a certain expectation of Blake, which you don’t fit. I assume you’re the other one he works with.”
“John Praque.”
“Yes, and while I am aware that you work with him, Blake is the one who has the expertise I need.” Baird seemed like he was getting ready to walk out, waiting only for John to confirm that Blake was in fact not going to arrive. John could already hear Matthew complaining in his head about the situation. He thought about lying to stall the detective, but he knew of all people to not bull shit a cop. John cleared his throat to give the news, but a waitress arrived before he could talk.
January 13, 2024
Blood Friar - Where is he?
[Posted by Ted H]
Life has a way of getting in the way or regular writing. I attempted NaNoWriMo 2023 but after a few days I realized that other things like work and such were gonna be in the way too much to come close to 50K words. But I was still able to pound out the opening to a story, so I figured why not?
--------------------------------------------
[Blood Friar - Where is he?]
“Where is he?”
John gave a slow blink, more as a stall tactic to wake up rather than needing time to think. It had been a late night on a tail job before he finally felt the embrace of his bed. He wasn’t certain for how long he managed to get some sleep before the pounding of the apartment front door disturbed him. He didn’t quite know the time but the color of the sunlight outside suggested it was still much too early in the morning. None of that mattered for Matthew, currently standing on the other side of the slightly ajar front door.
“Where is Blake?” Matthew reiterated his previous question.
“I don’t know,” John finally responded “Sometimes I never know. This is one of those times. Shit, just call him up or text him.” Matthew made a huff. “Think I hadn’t tried that already?” he asked. “Ah,” John responded, “And here I was thinking it was only me he ignored.” Matthew rolled his eyes and mumbled to himself. John considered his options, and upon figuring that he’d never be able to get back to sleep at this point, shrugged and opened the front door more. “Care to come in?” he asked with only a hint of sincerity and mostly sarcasm. He figured that if Matthew was calling out in person, then it was either about a job or how Blake had stirred up a hornet's nest. Either way, John wanted the details.
October 1, 2023
The 2023 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards
[Posted by Ted H]
[The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]
These are the awards you DON'T want to win.
The "AL Central Needs to Disband" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West, 2014 NL East, 2015 NL East, 2016 AL Central, 2017 NL East, 2018 AL Central, 2019 AL Central, 2020 NL East, 2022 AL Central]
---The American League Central: Indians, Twins, White Sox, Tigers, Royals---
Formerly the "Orioles Would Rather Play in this Division" Award, I decided to rename it in honor of the division that is so awful that they've wont he award collectively more than 50% of the time. The AL East is a beast, and ever other division has the occasional off year, but the AL Central is so consistently bad that no one takes their champion seriously. Hell, the Twins have a legendary losing streak in the postseason. The Central was bad again this year, where the last place team in the AL East at times would lead the Central. That shows how good all 5 teams int he East were this season (until the Red Sox crapped out under .500 and died) but the Central leaders were so "Meh" that no one expects them to go anywhere in October.
--------------
The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, 2015 Seattle Mariners, 2016 Kansas City Royals, 2017 New York Mets, 2018 Washington Nationals, 2019 Boston Red Sox, 2021 Los Angeles Angels, 2022 San Francisco Giants]
---The New York Mets---
The Mets went the classic Yankees route this season where they threw ungodly amounts of money to put together a team to get them into the playoffs and World Series. They even retained the old Yankee manager Buck Showalter in hopes that he could continue a resurgence for Queens not unlike the mid-90s Yankees that went on to be a dynasty.
Instead the Mets did what the Mets do and were a total mess.
Perhaps the Mets will learn why the Yankees changed up their skipper before that dynasty.
----------
The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros, 2021 New York Mets, 2022 Tim Anderson (CWS)]
---Tim Anderson of the Chicago White Sox---
Yes, Jackie Robinson himself shall win the award in back to back years. Reality caught up hard with Mr. Anderson. He went a whole calendar year without a homer, but he still strut around like he was any good. He faked his way onto Team USA for the WBC, and was exposed so bad that people played out of position at SS just to cover for his ineptitude in the lineup. But as bad as Anderson was in 2023, it could've all been ignored as far as this award is concerned if he simply learned to shut the fuck up.
But he couldn't.
The rule changes suck. Shortening the games for the sake of low-attention-span people who still don't care about baseball. Wanna shorten the games? Put a time limit on commercial breaks.
Also the sponsor patches on every uniform is sacrilege, especially on the Yankees uniforms.
---------------------------------------------
Also the sponsor patches on every uniform is sacrilege, especially on the Yankees uniforms.
---------------------------------------------
[The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]
These are the awards you DON'T want to win.
The "AL Central Needs to Disband" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West, 2014 NL East, 2015 NL East, 2016 AL Central, 2017 NL East, 2018 AL Central, 2019 AL Central, 2020 NL East, 2022 AL Central]
---The American League Central: Indians, Twins, White Sox, Tigers, Royals---
Formerly the "Orioles Would Rather Play in this Division" Award, I decided to rename it in honor of the division that is so awful that they've wont he award collectively more than 50% of the time. The AL East is a beast, and ever other division has the occasional off year, but the AL Central is so consistently bad that no one takes their champion seriously. Hell, the Twins have a legendary losing streak in the postseason. The Central was bad again this year, where the last place team in the AL East at times would lead the Central. That shows how good all 5 teams int he East were this season (until the Red Sox crapped out under .500 and died) but the Central leaders were so "Meh" that no one expects them to go anywhere in October.
--------------
The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, 2015 Seattle Mariners, 2016 Kansas City Royals, 2017 New York Mets, 2018 Washington Nationals, 2019 Boston Red Sox, 2021 Los Angeles Angels, 2022 San Francisco Giants]
---The New York Mets---
The Mets went the classic Yankees route this season where they threw ungodly amounts of money to put together a team to get them into the playoffs and World Series. They even retained the old Yankee manager Buck Showalter in hopes that he could continue a resurgence for Queens not unlike the mid-90s Yankees that went on to be a dynasty.
Instead the Mets did what the Mets do and were a total mess.
Perhaps the Mets will learn why the Yankees changed up their skipper before that dynasty.
----------
The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros, 2021 New York Mets, 2022 Tim Anderson (CWS)]
---Tim Anderson of the Chicago White Sox---
Yes, Jackie Robinson himself shall win the award in back to back years. Reality caught up hard with Mr. Anderson. He went a whole calendar year without a homer, but he still strut around like he was any good. He faked his way onto Team USA for the WBC, and was exposed so bad that people played out of position at SS just to cover for his ineptitude in the lineup. But as bad as Anderson was in 2023, it could've all been ignored as far as this award is concerned if he simply learned to shut the fuck up.
But he couldn't.
And as I predicted last year, he indeed got his ass laid out. "Down goes Anderson!" is now the only thing he will be known for (if at all) long into the future. And I'm all for it. In that moment, we all wanted to be Jose Ramirez.
-----------------
The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals, 2021 San Francisco Giants, 2022 Tampa Bay Rays]
---The Houston Astros---
The end is happening for the cheating Trashtros. They'll stumble their way into October, but the AL West is overtaking them. The Rangers made huge strides and the Mariners are proving their recent success wasn't a flash in the pan. Ego alone won't sustain the Astros like it's done for the Yankees and Dodgers. Those two have histories of actual clean success to fall back on. All the Astros have are trash cans and buzzers. The end is here, and all of baseball is rejoicing.
-----------------------
The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds, 2022 Cincinnati Reds]
---The New York Yankees---
This is the easiest prediction in sports. The Yankees never finish below .500 and on their off years, they come back with a vengeance the following season. They barely avoided a losing season and instead barely continued their run of winning seasons (2nd longest in baseball history. In case you're wondering, the Yankees also own the longest winning season streak) So even if we only know that Judge and Cole will be back and the rest of the roster is up int he air, you know the Yankees will storm back ot the top of the division next season.
(But if Boone is still managing, God forbid, then everything I predicted is null and void)
-----------------------
The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Oakland A's]
---The Oakland A’s---
Everything I said last year still stands this year about Oakland. But what sealed the deal is how they laid down and died for a perfect game pitched by an alcoholic.
-------------------------
The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Detroit Tigers]
---The Entire Boston Red Sox Defense---
It's been a bad bad bad year for the Red Sox. Little League home runs are always entertaining, and usually involve a certain level of ineptitude of the defense, but here the Red Sox elevated the poor defense to an art form. Everyone on defense messed up. Everyone. I've never seen a team field a defense full of designated hitters before.
--------------------------
The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers, 2022 Los Angeles Angels]
---The Los Angeles Angels---
Ohtani in a contract year. This was suppose to be the year the Angels pull out all the stops and finally get it together for a playoff push. And as usual, they start off alright and give hope. That hope is usually followed by a swift collapse. This year however they dragged out the hope to around the trade deadline. If this was a normal year where the Angels were out by July, they could've traded Ohtani and landed a serious haul for the future. Instead the Angels went all in and were buyers at the deadline.
Then the usual collapse happened. This time with added hilarity.
Trout got hurt (again) then they players they brought in turned into lemons. Then for added insult, Ohtani got hurt too (also again). The season wasn't over ear and he already cleaned out his locker, that doesn't bode well for any hope of retaining him when the free agency season begins.
-----------------------
The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY)]
---Buck Showalter of the New York Mets---
I alluded to Showalter's time with the Yankees earlier. It is not a unique time in his career. Buck can come in and make a bad team good, even good enough to reach the playoffs, but those teams will never be great, and eventually they will regress back to bad. The Yankees were terrible in the early 90s and Buck turned them into a Wild Card team, then the Yankees fired him and brought in Joe Torre and the rest is history. The Diamondbacks then made Showalter their first ever manager and he took an awful expansion team and turned them into division champs in 1999. Then they sucked again in 2000 and Buck got another pink slip. He worked the same magic years later with Baltimore and they'd even get him into his first ever Championship Series, but the Orioles regressed to terrible and he wouldn't be retained.
And now the Mets. He came, he took them from bad to good, failed in October, then they regressed back to bad and he got fired.
The teams may change, but Buck Showalter stays the same.
---------------------
The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus, 2022 Myles Straw (CLE)]
---Domingo German of the New York Yankees---
Crime: Being an Alcoholic
Time: GTFO
What a crazy year for German. He just barely edged out himself for this award as well, when he was ejected for not washing his hands after using the bathroom. He then went on to pitch a perfect game, but that won't be the most notable accomplishment in his career. Already with a major suspension in his career for domestic abuse, the Yankees shoved his ass onto the restricted list for going on a drunken rampage in the clubhouse. He may or may not have tried to punch Aaron Boone, but we'll let that slide since a majority of Yankees fans also want to punch Boone.
----------------------
The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU), 2022 Nelson Cruz (WAS)]
---Angel Hernandez---
I almost revived my umpire award for this one, but Angel Hernandez has been doing such a bad job as umpire that even Joe West is getting offended. just go to youtube and type his name in and you'll be buried with results from just this season of missed call after missed call. And of course the number of times a player freaks out at his bad calls and get the ejection because on top of being a terrible umpire, Angel Hernandez has no desire to be confronted when players call him out on being terrible. Hernandez needs to go.
-----------------
The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals, 2021 San Francisco Giants, 2022 Tampa Bay Rays]
---The Houston Astros---
The end is happening for the cheating Trashtros. They'll stumble their way into October, but the AL West is overtaking them. The Rangers made huge strides and the Mariners are proving their recent success wasn't a flash in the pan. Ego alone won't sustain the Astros like it's done for the Yankees and Dodgers. Those two have histories of actual clean success to fall back on. All the Astros have are trash cans and buzzers. The end is here, and all of baseball is rejoicing.
-----------------------
The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds, 2022 Cincinnati Reds]
---The New York Yankees---
This is the easiest prediction in sports. The Yankees never finish below .500 and on their off years, they come back with a vengeance the following season. They barely avoided a losing season and instead barely continued their run of winning seasons (2nd longest in baseball history. In case you're wondering, the Yankees also own the longest winning season streak) So even if we only know that Judge and Cole will be back and the rest of the roster is up int he air, you know the Yankees will storm back ot the top of the division next season.
(But if Boone is still managing, God forbid, then everything I predicted is null and void)
-----------------------
The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Oakland A's]
---The Oakland A’s---
Everything I said last year still stands this year about Oakland. But what sealed the deal is how they laid down and died for a perfect game pitched by an alcoholic.
-------------------------
The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Detroit Tigers]
---The Entire Boston Red Sox Defense---
It's been a bad bad bad year for the Red Sox. Little League home runs are always entertaining, and usually involve a certain level of ineptitude of the defense, but here the Red Sox elevated the poor defense to an art form. Everyone on defense messed up. Everyone. I've never seen a team field a defense full of designated hitters before.
--------------------------
The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers, 2022 Los Angeles Angels]
---The Los Angeles Angels---
Ohtani in a contract year. This was suppose to be the year the Angels pull out all the stops and finally get it together for a playoff push. And as usual, they start off alright and give hope. That hope is usually followed by a swift collapse. This year however they dragged out the hope to around the trade deadline. If this was a normal year where the Angels were out by July, they could've traded Ohtani and landed a serious haul for the future. Instead the Angels went all in and were buyers at the deadline.
Then the usual collapse happened. This time with added hilarity.
Trout got hurt (again) then they players they brought in turned into lemons. Then for added insult, Ohtani got hurt too (also again). The season wasn't over ear and he already cleaned out his locker, that doesn't bode well for any hope of retaining him when the free agency season begins.
-----------------------
The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY)]
---Buck Showalter of the New York Mets---
I alluded to Showalter's time with the Yankees earlier. It is not a unique time in his career. Buck can come in and make a bad team good, even good enough to reach the playoffs, but those teams will never be great, and eventually they will regress back to bad. The Yankees were terrible in the early 90s and Buck turned them into a Wild Card team, then the Yankees fired him and brought in Joe Torre and the rest is history. The Diamondbacks then made Showalter their first ever manager and he took an awful expansion team and turned them into division champs in 1999. Then they sucked again in 2000 and Buck got another pink slip. He worked the same magic years later with Baltimore and they'd even get him into his first ever Championship Series, but the Orioles regressed to terrible and he wouldn't be retained.
And now the Mets. He came, he took them from bad to good, failed in October, then they regressed back to bad and he got fired.
The teams may change, but Buck Showalter stays the same.
---------------------
The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus, 2022 Myles Straw (CLE)]
---Domingo German of the New York Yankees---
Crime: Being an Alcoholic
Time: GTFO
What a crazy year for German. He just barely edged out himself for this award as well, when he was ejected for not washing his hands after using the bathroom. He then went on to pitch a perfect game, but that won't be the most notable accomplishment in his career. Already with a major suspension in his career for domestic abuse, the Yankees shoved his ass onto the restricted list for going on a drunken rampage in the clubhouse. He may or may not have tried to punch Aaron Boone, but we'll let that slide since a majority of Yankees fans also want to punch Boone.
----------------------
The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU), 2022 Nelson Cruz (WAS)]
---Angel Hernandez---
I almost revived my umpire award for this one, but Angel Hernandez has been doing such a bad job as umpire that even Joe West is getting offended. just go to youtube and type his name in and you'll be buried with results from just this season of missed call after missed call. And of course the number of times a player freaks out at his bad calls and get the ejection because on top of being a terrible umpire, Angel Hernandez has no desire to be confronted when players call him out on being terrible. Hernandez needs to go.
March 12, 2023
The Floor
[Posted by Ted H]
Well it's certainly been a while here, hasn't it?
I have no excuses. So instead enjoy something I cobbled together recently...
------------------------------------------------------------------
[The Floor]
Dancing like drunks
Spewing fire from the soul
Hand in hand to comfort
with you, together on the floor.
No words are ever needed
exchanging essays with our eyes
Just a slight squeeze to remind you
I'm here, with you on the floor.
Your world is spinning
Just hold on to me
Even if you won't leave him
Not alone, here on the floor.
They'll try to lift me from you
That betrayal in your eyes
I'll push off all aid and never
leave you, it's us on the floor.
I feel that you know it
We can stand all on our own
Is it fear that makes you stay
so prone, all on the floor?
Your hand slips from mine
Lifted by an other
But you stay so reassuring
to me, it's still us on the floor.
And yet I feel you fading
you're eyes won't look at mine
Have I served my purpose?
as company, just on the floor?
Blissfully walk away
Though I stayed here just for you
Contemplating unspoken truths
All alone, on the floor
No one left to help me
from this spot, on the floor.
December 11, 2022
Little Ghost - The Next Night
[Posted by Ted H]
NaNoWriMo 2022 was a crash n burn. How about an update on a more successful attempt from years passed?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
[Little Ghost - The Next Night]
Back at the underground shelter, there were a couple faces that weren't there last night already mingling with Mike, Jamal and Bill. They barely reacted to the arrivals as they were engrossed in their own activities. Kristina found it nice and uncomfortable at the same time. Just a day ago she was the wide-eyed newcomer that everyone wanted to help break in, now she seemed to be just another regular.
Mike was arguing about song lyrics with a skinny girl on a black and white striped hoodie that had sleeves that ran long to conceal her hands. He was back on top of the bunk like last night while the girl stood below him. She talked in a controlled, non-interested way to contrast Mike’s slowly escalating demeaner which at times even had him flail his arms around as he talked. The girl would crack the occasional smile and even said things intentionally wrong just to bring about the exaggerated reactions from Mike. Kristina couldn't help but laugh at how despite being around so long, Mike was forever locked into the psyche and oblivious mindset of an immature teenager.
NaNoWriMo 2022 was a crash n burn. How about an update on a more successful attempt from years passed?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
[Little Ghost - The Next Night]
Back at the underground shelter, there were a couple faces that weren't there last night already mingling with Mike, Jamal and Bill. They barely reacted to the arrivals as they were engrossed in their own activities. Kristina found it nice and uncomfortable at the same time. Just a day ago she was the wide-eyed newcomer that everyone wanted to help break in, now she seemed to be just another regular.
Mike was arguing about song lyrics with a skinny girl on a black and white striped hoodie that had sleeves that ran long to conceal her hands. He was back on top of the bunk like last night while the girl stood below him. She talked in a controlled, non-interested way to contrast Mike’s slowly escalating demeaner which at times even had him flail his arms around as he talked. The girl would crack the occasional smile and even said things intentionally wrong just to bring about the exaggerated reactions from Mike. Kristina couldn't help but laugh at how despite being around so long, Mike was forever locked into the psyche and oblivious mindset of an immature teenager.
October 16, 2022
The 2022 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards
[Posted by Ted H]
-----------------------------------------
[The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]
These are the awards you DON'T want to win.
The "Orioles Would Rather Play In This Division" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West, 2014 NL East, 2015 NL East, 2016 AL Central, 2017 NL East, 2018 AL Central, 2019 AL Central, 2021 NL East]
---The American League Central: Indians, Twins, White Sox, Tigers, Royals---
Most divisions this year were pretty competent, so the bar was higher. AL Central featured just one team above .500 while Cleveland was never really in much danger of losing own on the crown. Don’t lie to me and think that the White Sox actually stood a chance...
--------------
The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, 2015 Seattle Mariners, 2016 Kansas City Royals, 2017 New York Mets, 2018 Washington Nationals, 2019 Boston Red Sox, 2021 Los Angelese Angels]
---The San Francisco Giants---
I get it when a team wins an ungodly number of games in one season, that a certain amount of regression is to be expected. But going from well over 100 wins to a sad .500 team is another thing entirely. The Giants were expected to compete and not be on the outside looking in come October. The Dodgers were on another level this year, so no one blames you for not winning the division, but to not even crack a wild card spot when the playoffs have been expended to accommodate almost half the league is inexcusable in a one-year turnaround.
I know I correctly predicted that they’d regress to the mean this season, but 81-81 is below the mean and drilling to rock bottom.
----------
The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros]
---Tim Anderson of the Chicago White Sox---
The dude previously compared himself to Jackie Robinson. That alone warrants a lifetime achievement award in this category. I should rename the award to the “Tim Anderson kind of retarded” award.
But it gets better. Every time someone crosses Anderson now, he cried bigotry and racism as why someone would call him out. Anderson is an overrated player who gets promoted because of woke politics and not ability, and he really needs to shut his God damn mouth before someone beans him with a pitch to the head or runs him over on the bases. He’ll deserve either punishment.
-----------------
The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals, 2021 San Francisco Giants]
---The Tampa Bay Rays---
I feel bad here. The Rays are on a downward trend. The AL East this year was beastly (except the Red Sox) and the Rays hung in there. They managed to make the playoffs, but everyone knew they weren’t going anywhere. However, people see the Rays come up short year after year but they’re hypnotized into thinking that Tampa Bay will just flip the switch the next season and run away with the division.
No, that’s not happening. The Rays are cooked. The Yankees are the Yankees and the Blue Jays are gonna outgrow their rookies' mistakes...and now the Orioles are threatening.
-----------------------
The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds]
---The Cincinnati Reds---
Well, I swung and missed last year with this prediction, so let’s double down! The Reds started off putrid to start the season, so the fact that they only lost 100 games this year is a testament to how they tried to rebound. Will they turn it around next season to threaten the playoffs? I’m not too sure on that, but of all the cellar dwelling teams this year, I feel the Reds can improve most of them all. They certainly can’t get worse.
-----------------------
The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates]
---The Oakland A’s---
I’m convinced that the A’s are just stalling for their move out of Oakland and into whatever new city that they can get, be it Vegas or wherever. Until then the organization certainly doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to get out of last place.
-------------------------
The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates]
---The Entire Detroit Tigers Defense---
Man, oh man, both teams are pretty special (ed) in this situation. The Twins try to run themselves into outs while the Tigers just plain forget how to baseball. Two bad teams always seem to entertain as much as two great teams. Here’s a less insulting breakdown.
--------------------------
The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers]
---The Los Angeles Angels---
Quick, name one player of note from the 2003-2004 Twins not named Santana. Aside from Twins fans, you likely failed. Santana was the only Twin that mattered back then, because he won all the damn time and single handedly won the AL Central every season. Sure, the Twins were usually bounced right away, but Santana won the games he pitched. The Twins weren’t good at all, but Johan was so good that he pushed his team into October all on his own.
So spare me your excuses when the Angels feature Trout and Ohtani and still can’t even sniff the playoffs. Once in a while, sure, but year after year of failure is a different story. Both are apparently “once in a generation” talent, and yet they still can’t win when it matters. The age-old excuse “Well, Trout can’t do it all by himself!” turned into “Well Trout and Ohtani can’t do it all by themselves!” How many more “Once in a generation” talents do this franchise need before they stop sucking? Or perhaps, Trout and Ohtani are a bit overrated.
-----------------------
The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY)]
---Joe Girardi of the Philadelphia Phillies---
Girardi has to feel pretty low. He gets fired from an underachieving Phillies team, and his replacement looks like Bob Lemon from 1978, leads the Phillies on a comeback and sneaks into the playoffs. Not the first time something like this has happened to a manager, but Girardi went back to guest spotting on MLB Network, where he can give live analysis of his former team winning without him. On one hand, who better to give commentary of the Phillies than their former manager...but on the other hand, what better way to be embarrassed than by having to talk about how much better your old team is without you.
---------------------
The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus]
---Myles Straw or the Cleveland Indians---
Crime: Attempting to climb into the stands to go after a fan
Time: “You’re a pussy!”
I take you back to a weekend game in Yankee Stadium. Yankees trail the Indians (I will not acknowledge a woke name change) by a run when NY rallies late, capped off with a drive deep to left that the left fielder can’t handle, blow the play and lets tha Yankees tie and eventually win the game. In the moment, Yankee fans in left properly jeer the opposing player for running into a wall and blowing the game. Myles Straw takes exception and climbs the wall to yell at the fans. He is properly greeted with more jeers and an awesome bit of sign language trash talking that slipped passed the censors.
And if you think Yankee fans aren’t smart, then you don’t know Yankee fans. Come ALDS time, fans serenaded Straw from the stands with the verbal translation of what that fan hand signaled to him.
May he never outlive this.
----------------------
The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU)]
---Nelson Cruz of the Washington Nationals---
2022 was a disaster for the Nationals, and Nelson Cruz was part of the problem. His power is gone and he never had any defensive usefulness. The Nats bought out his contract and he needs to take the hint.
----------------------
The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU)]
---Nelson Cruz of the Washington Nationals---
2022 was a disaster for the Nationals, and Nelson Cruz was part of the problem. His power is gone and he never had any defensive usefulness. The Nats bought out his contract and he needs to take the hint.
January 16, 2022
Just Don't Say It
[Posted by Ted H]
Not sure if this one was ever posted here before. Since I lack any content anyway, might as well post it now...Been a while since I shot a real poem anyway...
--------------------------------------------
[Just Don't Say It]
One might make you happy
But the other will have you sigh
Run with who gets you soaring
Yet never lets you fly
But just don't say it, since it wouldn't be right.
And ask me why I'm wondering
We never seek what we find
I'll likely respond by musing
The universe was never so kind
But just don't say it, since you can't stand to fight.
Another will keep me secret
She didn't want the show
Check behind the façade
That she didn't want someone to know
But just don't say it, since it's still not alright.
Everything that you wanted
Sadly, I missed the hype.
Everything that I wanted
Too bad I was never your type
But just don't say it, since I'm lacking the sight.
And when I find my graveyard
One day when we're old
You should take a glance at the wall
Read the writing I wasn't told
But just don't say it, since it won't be alright.
Just don't say it, when we've both said goodnight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)