The rule changes suck. Shortening the games for the sake of low-attention-span people who still don't care about baseball. Wanna shorten the games? Put a time limit on commercial breaks.
Also the sponsor patches on every uniform is sacrilege, especially on the Yankees uniforms.
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Also the sponsor patches on every uniform is sacrilege, especially on the Yankees uniforms.
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[The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]
These are the awards you DON'T want to win.
The "AL Central Needs to Disband" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West, 2014 NL East, 2015 NL East, 2016 AL Central, 2017 NL East, 2018 AL Central, 2019 AL Central, 2020 NL East, 2022 AL Central]
---The American League Central: Indians, Twins, White Sox, Tigers, Royals---
Formerly the "Orioles Would Rather Play in this Division" Award, I decided to rename it in honor of the division that is so awful that they've wont he award collectively more than 50% of the time. The AL East is a beast, and ever other division has the occasional off year, but the AL Central is so consistently bad that no one takes their champion seriously. Hell, the Twins have a legendary losing streak in the postseason. The Central was bad again this year, where the last place team in the AL East at times would lead the Central. That shows how good all 5 teams int he East were this season (until the Red Sox crapped out under .500 and died) but the Central leaders were so "Meh" that no one expects them to go anywhere in October.
--------------
The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, 2015 Seattle Mariners, 2016 Kansas City Royals, 2017 New York Mets, 2018 Washington Nationals, 2019 Boston Red Sox, 2021 Los Angeles Angels, 2022 San Francisco Giants]
---The New York Mets---
The Mets went the classic Yankees route this season where they threw ungodly amounts of money to put together a team to get them into the playoffs and World Series. They even retained the old Yankee manager Buck Showalter in hopes that he could continue a resurgence for Queens not unlike the mid-90s Yankees that went on to be a dynasty.
Instead the Mets did what the Mets do and were a total mess.
Perhaps the Mets will learn why the Yankees changed up their skipper before that dynasty.
----------
The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros, 2021 New York Mets, 2022 Tim Anderson (CWS)]
---Tim Anderson of the Chicago White Sox---
Yes, Jackie Robinson himself shall win the award in back to back years. Reality caught up hard with Mr. Anderson. He went a whole calendar year without a homer, but he still strut around like he was any good. He faked his way onto Team USA for the WBC, and was exposed so bad that people played out of position at SS just to cover for his ineptitude in the lineup. But as bad as Anderson was in 2023, it could've all been ignored as far as this award is concerned if he simply learned to shut the fuck up.
But he couldn't.
And as I predicted last year, he indeed got his ass laid out. "Down goes Anderson!" is now the only thing he will be known for (if at all) long into the future. And I'm all for it. In that moment, we all wanted to be Jose Ramirez.
-----------------
The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals, 2021 San Francisco Giants, 2022 Tampa Bay Rays]
---The Houston Astros---
The end is happening for the cheating Trashtros. They'll stumble their way into October, but the AL West is overtaking them. The Rangers made huge strides and the Mariners are proving their recent success wasn't a flash in the pan. Ego alone won't sustain the Astros like it's done for the Yankees and Dodgers. Those two have histories of actual clean success to fall back on. All the Astros have are trash cans and buzzers. The end is here, and all of baseball is rejoicing.
-----------------------
The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds, 2022 Cincinnati Reds]
---The New York Yankees---
This is the easiest prediction in sports. The Yankees never finish below .500 and on their off years, they come back with a vengeance the following season. They barely avoided a losing season and instead barely continued their run of winning seasons (2nd longest in baseball history. In case you're wondering, the Yankees also own the longest winning season streak) So even if we only know that Judge and Cole will be back and the rest of the roster is up int he air, you know the Yankees will storm back ot the top of the division next season.
(But if Boone is still managing, God forbid, then everything I predicted is null and void)
-----------------------
The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Oakland A's]
---The Oakland A’s---
Everything I said last year still stands this year about Oakland. But what sealed the deal is how they laid down and died for a perfect game pitched by an alcoholic.
-------------------------
The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Detroit Tigers]
---The Entire Boston Red Sox Defense---
It's been a bad bad bad year for the Red Sox. Little League home runs are always entertaining, and usually involve a certain level of ineptitude of the defense, but here the Red Sox elevated the poor defense to an art form. Everyone on defense messed up. Everyone. I've never seen a team field a defense full of designated hitters before.
--------------------------
The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers, 2022 Los Angeles Angels]
---The Los Angeles Angels---
Ohtani in a contract year. This was suppose to be the year the Angels pull out all the stops and finally get it together for a playoff push. And as usual, they start off alright and give hope. That hope is usually followed by a swift collapse. This year however they dragged out the hope to around the trade deadline. If this was a normal year where the Angels were out by July, they could've traded Ohtani and landed a serious haul for the future. Instead the Angels went all in and were buyers at the deadline.
Then the usual collapse happened. This time with added hilarity.
Trout got hurt (again) then they players they brought in turned into lemons. Then for added insult, Ohtani got hurt too (also again). The season wasn't over ear and he already cleaned out his locker, that doesn't bode well for any hope of retaining him when the free agency season begins.
-----------------------
The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY)]
---Buck Showalter of the New York Mets---
I alluded to Showalter's time with the Yankees earlier. It is not a unique time in his career. Buck can come in and make a bad team good, even good enough to reach the playoffs, but those teams will never be great, and eventually they will regress back to bad. The Yankees were terrible in the early 90s and Buck turned them into a Wild Card team, then the Yankees fired him and brought in Joe Torre and the rest is history. The Diamondbacks then made Showalter their first ever manager and he took an awful expansion team and turned them into division champs in 1999. Then they sucked again in 2000 and Buck got another pink slip. He worked the same magic years later with Baltimore and they'd even get him into his first ever Championship Series, but the Orioles regressed to terrible and he wouldn't be retained.
And now the Mets. He came, he took them from bad to good, failed in October, then they regressed back to bad and he got fired.
The teams may change, but Buck Showalter stays the same.
---------------------
The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus, 2022 Myles Straw (CLE)]
---Domingo German of the New York Yankees---
Crime: Being an Alcoholic
Time: GTFO
What a crazy year for German. He just barely edged out himself for this award as well, when he was ejected for not washing his hands after using the bathroom. He then went on to pitch a perfect game, but that won't be the most notable accomplishment in his career. Already with a major suspension in his career for domestic abuse, the Yankees shoved his ass onto the restricted list for going on a drunken rampage in the clubhouse. He may or may not have tried to punch Aaron Boone, but we'll let that slide since a majority of Yankees fans also want to punch Boone.
----------------------
The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU), 2022 Nelson Cruz (WAS)]
---Angel Hernandez---
I almost revived my umpire award for this one, but Angel Hernandez has been doing such a bad job as umpire that even Joe West is getting offended. just go to youtube and type his name in and you'll be buried with results from just this season of missed call after missed call. And of course the number of times a player freaks out at his bad calls and get the ejection because on top of being a terrible umpire, Angel Hernandez has no desire to be confronted when players call him out on being terrible. Hernandez needs to go.
-----------------
The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals, 2021 San Francisco Giants, 2022 Tampa Bay Rays]
---The Houston Astros---
The end is happening for the cheating Trashtros. They'll stumble their way into October, but the AL West is overtaking them. The Rangers made huge strides and the Mariners are proving their recent success wasn't a flash in the pan. Ego alone won't sustain the Astros like it's done for the Yankees and Dodgers. Those two have histories of actual clean success to fall back on. All the Astros have are trash cans and buzzers. The end is here, and all of baseball is rejoicing.
-----------------------
The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds, 2022 Cincinnati Reds]
---The New York Yankees---
This is the easiest prediction in sports. The Yankees never finish below .500 and on their off years, they come back with a vengeance the following season. They barely avoided a losing season and instead barely continued their run of winning seasons (2nd longest in baseball history. In case you're wondering, the Yankees also own the longest winning season streak) So even if we only know that Judge and Cole will be back and the rest of the roster is up int he air, you know the Yankees will storm back ot the top of the division next season.
(But if Boone is still managing, God forbid, then everything I predicted is null and void)
-----------------------
The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Oakland A's]
---The Oakland A’s---
Everything I said last year still stands this year about Oakland. But what sealed the deal is how they laid down and died for a perfect game pitched by an alcoholic.
-------------------------
The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Detroit Tigers]
---The Entire Boston Red Sox Defense---
It's been a bad bad bad year for the Red Sox. Little League home runs are always entertaining, and usually involve a certain level of ineptitude of the defense, but here the Red Sox elevated the poor defense to an art form. Everyone on defense messed up. Everyone. I've never seen a team field a defense full of designated hitters before.
--------------------------
The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers, 2022 Los Angeles Angels]
---The Los Angeles Angels---
Ohtani in a contract year. This was suppose to be the year the Angels pull out all the stops and finally get it together for a playoff push. And as usual, they start off alright and give hope. That hope is usually followed by a swift collapse. This year however they dragged out the hope to around the trade deadline. If this was a normal year where the Angels were out by July, they could've traded Ohtani and landed a serious haul for the future. Instead the Angels went all in and were buyers at the deadline.
Then the usual collapse happened. This time with added hilarity.
Trout got hurt (again) then they players they brought in turned into lemons. Then for added insult, Ohtani got hurt too (also again). The season wasn't over ear and he already cleaned out his locker, that doesn't bode well for any hope of retaining him when the free agency season begins.
-----------------------
The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY)]
---Buck Showalter of the New York Mets---
I alluded to Showalter's time with the Yankees earlier. It is not a unique time in his career. Buck can come in and make a bad team good, even good enough to reach the playoffs, but those teams will never be great, and eventually they will regress back to bad. The Yankees were terrible in the early 90s and Buck turned them into a Wild Card team, then the Yankees fired him and brought in Joe Torre and the rest is history. The Diamondbacks then made Showalter their first ever manager and he took an awful expansion team and turned them into division champs in 1999. Then they sucked again in 2000 and Buck got another pink slip. He worked the same magic years later with Baltimore and they'd even get him into his first ever Championship Series, but the Orioles regressed to terrible and he wouldn't be retained.
And now the Mets. He came, he took them from bad to good, failed in October, then they regressed back to bad and he got fired.
The teams may change, but Buck Showalter stays the same.
---------------------
The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus, 2022 Myles Straw (CLE)]
---Domingo German of the New York Yankees---
Crime: Being an Alcoholic
Time: GTFO
What a crazy year for German. He just barely edged out himself for this award as well, when he was ejected for not washing his hands after using the bathroom. He then went on to pitch a perfect game, but that won't be the most notable accomplishment in his career. Already with a major suspension in his career for domestic abuse, the Yankees shoved his ass onto the restricted list for going on a drunken rampage in the clubhouse. He may or may not have tried to punch Aaron Boone, but we'll let that slide since a majority of Yankees fans also want to punch Boone.
----------------------
The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU), 2022 Nelson Cruz (WAS)]
---Angel Hernandez---
I almost revived my umpire award for this one, but Angel Hernandez has been doing such a bad job as umpire that even Joe West is getting offended. just go to youtube and type his name in and you'll be buried with results from just this season of missed call after missed call. And of course the number of times a player freaks out at his bad calls and get the ejection because on top of being a terrible umpire, Angel Hernandez has no desire to be confronted when players call him out on being terrible. Hernandez needs to go.
