October 30, 2014

NaNoWriMo 2014

[Posted by Ted H]

Man your battle stations.

National Novel Writing Month 2014 is about to kick off. I once again plan to conquer the mountain that is 50,000 words in the span of 30 days. This year I plan to win by once again returning to the world of Safe Haven, this time, taking it all the way back to the beginning.

To anyone who read Safe Haven...none of those characters are in this day 0 prequel. Does that mean they all die? Probably?
If this project goes as smooth as I hope, then maybe I'll reach a point in the story where characters like Cayra, Patrick, Mean Guy and the Rotting Cure will get introduced. Maybe.

As always, feel free to either track or join me in this yearly writing battle.

October 27, 2014

Demons Ascension

Demons Ascension
by: Ted H

James Blake is tracked down by an old acquaintance and talked into helping in an investigation into a serial killer running around Chicago. Victims are being slaughtered in ritualistic fashion at random and no one has even the slightest lead to work with. As Blake follows his own investigation, he finds that there is more to this than anyone could have guessed, and it becomes a race against time to keep the ritual from being completed. Heaven and Hell are powerless and Blake must stand against a demon seeking to become a god.

-2013 National Novel Writing Month winner

A Plea for Help

One Last Good Day

First Night

Packing the Dead

The Morgue



Homeless Man Alley



Investigational Banter

Light Rain

Meet Stan


Where the Magic Happens

The Room

Well THAT Went Well

The Number You are Trying to Call...

No Name Liquors

The Projects

Still on the Case

Not Dead

THE Bible


Stan's Favor

Return to Chicago




Chase Scene

Promise Not to Move?

Cocky Moron




Back to the Station

The Army


Not Earth

One Bullet

The Fallout

About That Favor

You Mortals

No Idea?

Gods and Mortals

October 19, 2014

Tenants Harbor [Teaser]

[Posted by Ted H]

I've explained the process of how Demons Ascension came to be, right? An idea, left to marinate in my brain over the coarse of a few years before it can come out in the form of some coherent story.

...Well back in 2010, I put an idea into my brain to cook and until recently, nothing good came out. I took a week long trip to Maine and was struck by inspiration based on where I was staying. I wrote notes for most of my time there and attempted to pound out a story from it. Ten words in I realized this wasn't gonna work. I still wanted to write the story, but I wasn't going to force it. Fast forward to 2014 and I finally decided to try a short based on the idea from back then.

My original plan was to make "Tenants Harbor" my 2014 NaNoWriMo novel. Unsure about if I could knock 50K words out in a month for the story, I decided to write this teaser to see if the story was ready for writing. Eventually, I got this short done, but decided it took way too long to get done for the overall story to be viable for NaNoWriMo. Maybe next year.

Soon I will announce what I'll be really writing for NaNoWriMo 2014, but for now enjoy this. I figure the teaser is a perfect fit for Halloween anyway. Next week will be nothing, because the following week will be November.


[Tenants Harbor - Teaser]

Trevor slowly groped his way along the hall for the bathroom, half drunk and half awake. He still was a bit foreign on the general layout of the house but he felt he still had a good enough idea where the bathroom was suppose to be. Inside, he felt around for the light switch before closing the door. He was unsure of the hour, such concerns seem trivial when one awakens suddenly in the middle of the night needing to heed the call of nature.

            As he did his business, he wondered if anyone else in the house were awake. He was one of the last to turn in for the night, but that didn't mean everyone went right to sleep. Maybe someone was still awake and game for more drinking since Trevor knew for a fact that there was at least half a bottle of vodka left. He thought better of the idea when a growing pain surfaced in his mind and caused him to wince at the light in the room.

            "Christ, my heads about to explode," he mumbled to himself as he splashed water in his face. It did little to alleviate the pain in his head as he propped his elbows on the sides of the tiny sink and held his head by the sides as he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot in the reflection and he was uncomfortably pale looking. A soft ringing began in his ears as he adjusted his hands to cover and rub his eyes.

            "Darkness," he said softly to himself, trying to wait out the pain a little before making his body move for the return trip to his bed, the promise of the quiet, pitch darkness that awaited him there already making him feel up for the task. His eyes readjusted after being rubbed and he began to turn around when something caught his eye in the mirror.

            In the reflection, standing right behind him, Trevor saw a figure; An unknown woman who looked like she had just stepped from the nearby ocean with her head tilted to the side and mouth open wide. The sheer shock of seeing someone in the bathroom with him caused Trevor to spin around quickly, momentarily disorienting his taxed mind, as he raised one arm up to defend himself by instinct. Lowering his arm, he saw no one was there. He checked the mirror and back again to confirm this and breathed a sigh of relief.

            The shock caused a bit of adrenalin to coarse through his body and Trevor's headache seemed to subside, even for just a moment, because of it. This allowed him to piece together what he saw more clearly. The woman had looked soaked, with her dark hair slicked down all around her head with her face showing through as if the hair were a curtain. She had both eyes open wide, but only one eye to see with; her left eye merely a dark void in her face.

            Her entire face had looked puffy, almost as if it was waterlogged. The most unsettling feature though was the dark marking on her neck. Trevor first thought it a necklace, but it was too strait and the marking featured so stark a contrast to her pale skin that he knew better. Trevor gave off a long and heavy sigh as he composed himself. He was tired, he knew that much. The fatigue and pain in his head alongside the dark of this house had caused him to see something. He laughed a little as he finally calmed down and his headache began to return.

            "Drunk nightmares," he said to himself dismissively as he stepped away from the sink, then stopped dead, his blood growing cold. His foot had stepped into something wet. His heart started racing again as the cold water seeped into his sock. Trevor could hear something in the hall, the sound of someone struggling to breathe, someone out there giving off short, almost gargled gasps. The light from the bathroom offered little aid as Trevor looked out into the hall but couldn't see anything, save for the reflection of light off a wet set of footprints leading away into the darkness.

            "Not going out there," Trevor decided as he reached for the door and closed it slowly. His mind grasped at the idea that someone was playing a prank, but he wasn't laughing. He wasn't able to close the door, the latch became stuck and wouldn't allow the door to remain shut. "Seriously?" he asked aloud as a cold bead of sweat began to trail down his forehead and the sound of struggled breathing became louder.

            He tried pressing the latch deeper, hoping it would pop back out but to no avail. He shook the handle, gently at first but soon it became a frantic rattle as the breathing grew louder and closer. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," Trevor repeated to himself as he tried in vain to free the door latch so he could lock himself in, the breathing in the darkness growing more and more close until he could swear it was right on top of him. At that moment it ceased and Trevor was alone in the bathroom, the only sound being his own stressed breaths.

            A moment passed and Trevor did nothing. The door latch then popped free and he stared at it in disbelief. He glanced back up and into the darkness, wondering if whatever was out there was still waiting for him. The light from the bathroom extended well into the hall but he never saw anything despite how close the unknown breathing had been. He then felt something drop onto his head. He reached up and felt something wet as another drop fell onto his hand. "What the..." he said as he tried to examine the water before he felt something brush right up to his ear and the gargled breathing resumed right behind him.

            Trevor sprawled out of the bathroom and into the hall. He looked back just in time to see something disappear from the light and up onto the ceiling. The struggled breathing echoing through the hall as something crawled around all over the hallway ceiling. Trevor crawled to the wall and attempted to see in the dark but to no avail. The breathing stopped again and all other noises ceased. Whatever that thing was, the woman in the mirror or otherwise, it was somewhere in the dark, waiting for Trevor. He briefly wondered if he should try the bathroom again before the light coming from it began to flicker and eventually go out, leaving everything in pitch black.

            He braced himself against the wall as he rose to his feet. His room on the far end of the hall, Trevor began his slow trek back, keeping an ear out for any hint of the woman in the mirror. What before seemed like a short trip now from his room was an unending march back, the hallway seemed to grow longer with every step forward and Trevor wondered if he'd even make it. The occasional gasped breath of something unknown causing him to occasionally freeze and wait. Somewhere behind him was the sound of falling water, dripping from the ceiling as something crawled along.

            Even in the darkness Trevor could spy the bedroom door. A sense of dread grew within him when he began to wonder if this door would have the same trouble closing as the bathroom. All thoughts ceased at the sound of something wet smacking onto the floor not far behind him followed by heavy strained breathing. Loud, wet footsteps sounded as the figure quickly approached. Trevor took off in a dead sprint to cover the last several feet to the bedroom ,a quick glance behind revealed a dark figure with outstretched arms making for him.

            Trevor barged into the bedroom then slammed the door shut behind him. The door had no lock, so he braced himself against it as the woman reached and began to bang furiously on it. Trevor laid his full weight into the door to prevent the woman from entering as she continued to pound, her gargled and strained breathing becoming wails. The door bounced under him with each furious strike and Trevor wondered if the door could even hold up.

            Suddenly, the pounding stopped and the wailing ceased, and all was quiet again. Trevor dared not look out into the hall or even move from his position blocking the door shut. He pondered how long it was until morning or at least how long until someone else in the house would be up. "As long as I stay put..." Trevor began to say, attempting to calm himself, but stopped when he felt drops of water fall onto him from the ceiling followed by the sound of strained breathing above him.

October 12, 2014

10 Books

[Posted by Ted H]

As I continue to stall until November...

So there was this thing on facebook where you list the 10 most influential books from your life. Eventually I got around to doing it, and now to help fill the gap before NaNoWriMo 2014, I'll post my 10 here as well...
Top 10 books that influenced you one way or the other through your life.
[in no particular order]

 Tales of Mystery and Imagination [Edgar Allan Poe]
-When I was a kid, most people my age would read a Goosebumps book for their thrills. I however was reading Poe tales before middle and high schools were making my peers get around to it. It's an old book, I'm honestly shocked it hasn't fallen apart yet. And not all the Poe tales are contained within, nor are any of his poems, but it was still a solid read throughout my life. I think I've read TellTale Heart to the point where I could recite most of it at one point.
In college one of my classes were tasked to read the Rue Morgue. The next day I lugged this book to class just to show off I was no amateur. Hell, I only took the class (called "Murder, Mystery and Fiction) because the description said we'd study the stories of Poe and Sherlock Holmes....we spent maybe a week on each before the professor decided to spend the rest of the semester talking about her favorite feminist authors. "Let down" was the most generous way I'd describe that class.
Like I said though, old book. 1935 makes it older than my parents and every time I open it, I'm afraid that this will be the day the front cover tears off or something equally tragic will happen. Other than being old, it's in fantastic condition and despite being something I've had all my life, every page is there and perfectly legible. Even the artwork is fine. Arthur Rackham's illustrations, by the way, are a perfect fit and tone for a collection of Poe stories.
But yeah, I practically learned to read with this book, in case you're wondering what kind of foundation I have to the fucked up shit I write about.

Green Eggs and Ham [Dr Seuss]
Speaking of books I sort of always had with me in life...I've read a few Dr Seuss books in my time. They were all disposable to me except this one, which has stood the test of time to the point that "Sam I Am" is the name I was confirmed under by my church (I'm not making a TOTAL mockery of my religion, am I?). The back and forth conversational rhyming drew me in and the fact that a coherent story was made out of it without ever deviating was the shit to me.
I've since done my own homage to the tale. The whole "Weed From a Can" thing I did was a straight up nod to the story. "Fat Lady Rolling Down a Steep Hill", arguably the greatest poem I've ever done, has Seuss to thank for its existence. While not directly based off of any Dr Seuss tale, every other poem I had been exposed to in life was either English-class approved bull shit or too short to be a tale. FLRDaSH was me telling a rhyming tale without it having to be a song.

Birth of a Dynasty [Joel Sherman]
So...I'm a Yankees fan. No shock there if you've ever met me. The book chronicles the 1996 Yankees, from the last game of their 1995 season all the way to their 1996 championship. It details how they constructed the team and the million and one ways the team could have been altered, all detailing just how impossibly hard it is to field a team that can not only win, but win for years. The 96 Yankees kick started a dynasty that lasted into the next decade and the book highlights all the people and events that did all the right things at exactly the right times to make it a reality.
History buffs eat up shit like this for their genre, and I always go back to this book.

The Lord of the Rings [J.R.R. Tolkien]
Maybe you've heard of it? I totally count The Hobbit as part of this by the way. What I love here is that it proves you can create your own sprawling universe and saga and have it span multiple novels. Plus, The Hobbit is an example of "Oh shit, lemme retcon some details from my previous story cuz I got this great idea for a new story!"

John Dies at the End [David Wong]
So after I let people read the initial version of That One Night, someone sent me a link to read a story written by an writer at Cracked.com. Like mine, it had a supernatural situation where fucked up shit was happening. Also though, it read like an escaped mental patient was given a book deal. Still though, I made it a point to read it to the end and even to buy the damn thing when it came out in book form, then read it again. There's some shit that was changed for...reasons, though that I now get to be a hipster about and say "They sang "Sweet Child of Mine" instead of "Camel Holocaust" when I read it, loser." John lives by the way.
...Never saw the movie though...

Resident Evil: City of the Dead [S.D. Perry]
In terms of writing style, Perry is defiantly an influence for me. Writing first person perspectives for a character all alone would be a crazy daunting task if not for how Perry sets it up. Now all I wanna do most times is write a single character who is reflecting on their thoughts as they endure a hellish situation.
Also it's a book about one of my favorite games ever, Resident Evil 2.

American Gods [Neil Gaiman]
Pitched to me by a friend because of a scene featuring a man-eating vagina (seriously). Turns out the rest of the book was pretty good too. I've got one or two projects that I've shelved because I failed to pull off a setup that Gaiman pulled off in this book. Every time I pick this up I feel inspired to try again.

The Catcher in the Rye [J.D. Salinger]
For years, literature that was considered "classic" to me always translated to "boring shit with boring people written by boring writers that schools make you read for boring reasons." Then I read this and changed my opinion a little. Most of the stuff schools make you read is still boring, but sometimes a story where the protagonist haggles with a prostitute slips by.

The Bishop Grimes Incident [me]
Yes...I am cocky enough to make a book written by me as one of my most influential books ever. I'll even do it again for the final entry on this list.
BGI was my first ever stab at writing a long form story. It was birthed by boredom, written while I should have been taking notes during classes in high school, read like it was out of a Resident Evil game, and encouraged by the handfuls of people who wanted to be in it.
Being an unoriginal hack at the time, I used real life classmates as characters, and myself as the main character. When word spread that I was doing this (which I still have no idea how that happened cuz I sure as hell wasn't talking) I was worried about how people might react. The reaction was nuts; people not only wanted in this story, but they all wanted better deaths in it than everyone else. I ended up rewriting the story a year later with better writing skills and a better plot in mind. Reading the original and the remake always makes me cringe cuz back then my skills as a writer were terrible and my thought was "People actually enjoyed this?"
Every so often I'll look the story up and read through it, just to remind myself of how far I've come as a writer. Because of this story, I am what I am today, and what I'll be in the future.
But seriously though, what the hell was I thinking?

That One Night [me]
Yes, the ego stroking continues.
Original cast, coherent plot, supernatural mystery that is ambiguous and ultimately (kinda) explained, zombies.....if BGI was my foray into writing, than T1N was my thesis on everything I can do. Proof that I could write something big that total strangers (not just friends) would find enjoyable. It's a self contained story, but for me it also introduced a universe of new concepts and characters to play with in writing.
BGI proved I could write. T1N proved I could go big.

Honorable mentions: Journal of the Dead [Jason Kersten], The Natural [Bernard Malamud], The Alphabet of Manliness [Maddox], The Zen of Zim [Don Zimmer / Bill Madden], I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell [Tucker Max]

October 2, 2014

The 2014 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards

[Posted by Ted H]

Yup...Time to flex my creative muscles before November. As always, winners are encouraged to make their own trophies to commemorate their accomplishment of sucking...


[The 2014 Turtle-Wax Awards]

These are the awards you DON'T want to win.

The "Rays And Blue Jays Would Rather Play In This Division" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West]

---The National League East: Braves, Marlins, Mets, Nationals, Phillies---

One team, just one, finished above .500 this year from that division. The Nationals sure kicked a lot of ass this season, but the other four were just garbage. The Phillies were old, the Braves started their late season fade earlier than usual and the Mets and Marlins were....well they were the Mets and Marlins. Then usual winners of this award, the AL Central and West, were two of the best in baseball this year meanwhile, which just shows you what an odd year it's been.


The "Steroid Accusation Rookie Of The Year" Award
Awarded to the slugger who is probably gonna get accused of steroids next, if not already
(I am NOT accusing the winner of steroids, just sayin...)
[Previous winners: 2009 Aaron Hill (TOR), 2010 Corey Hart (MIL), 2011 Jacoby Ellsbury (BOS), 2012 Edwin Encarnacion (TOR), 2013 Chris Davis (BAL)]

---Victor Martinez of the Detroit Tigers---
2014 HR total: 32
Previous high: 25

That previous high in home runs came in 2007. And before you go on about how that's because the wear and tear on his body for a whole season as a catcher held him back, may I remind you that he was in peak condition in 2007...he's 35 this year, not exactly in the prime of ones life. His 1st two season in Detroit, he couldn't even hit 15 dingers...


The "What The Hell Happened To You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim]

---The Milwaukee Brewers---

So the season starts and the Brewers are flying high. Looking gooooooood. Then they stop winning all the time, but at least they're in 1st place and all the early winning built them a buffer. Then they stop winning entirely and fall out of 1st in not only their division, but also the wild card. Ultimately, they struggled to finish above .500 just so they could say they didn't completely shit the bed on the season.


The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM)]

---Keith Olbermann of ESPN---

Right before the finale of Derek Jeter's farewell extravaganza, Keith here decided to make a monologue as to why Derek Jeter isn't the greatest player ever. Understandable, Jeter was great, but not THAT great. Olbermann kept going though, attempting to point out that Jeter isn't even that good to begin with. Using cherry picked stats and (groan) sabermetrics, he details why Jeter should just shut up and go away.
...Missing from that video he made was any mention of playoffs. Never mind that Jeter is the all time playoffs hit king, the mere fact that Jeter brought his A-Game every October should be proof enough to why Yankees fans raise him to such a high pedestal. Olbermann mentions that Jeter has no MVPs but it's noted by fans all over baseball that he was robbed by voters of at least one, maybe two MVP awards (Twins fans are still as shocked as anyone from when Morneau won). He's also neglecting the 2000 World Series in which Jeter took home MVP against the Mets, no big deal right?


The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians]

---The Kansas City Royals---

The National League seems to be settling into a groove of only certain teams can make the playoffs lately. Meanwhile the Royals just ended the longest playoff drought by any major team in NA...and I say that with skepticism because I still kinda don't count the wild card game as a real playoff game. Royals can't make this years success last...

(I am 4-1 in making this prediction. My only mistake was only because the 2011 Red Sox choked, allowing the Rays to make the cut...)


The "This Years Mets, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees]

---The Chicago Cubs---

Holy crap, did I lose my mind? Who picks the Cubs to make a playoff run? Don't get me wrong, the Cubs will never win it all, but they're starting to showcase some of the young talent in their farm and look poised to flex their talent for a full season. If anything they seem to be an ace short of having a good looking future, which seems odd when you think of the trade they pulled earlier this season...


The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins]

---The Texas Rangers---

Never has a team embodied this award title more than the Rangers this year. So many injuries piled up on them, I'm pretty sure they had a starting lineup of players who began the year in AAA. Plus they were bad, so bad even Ron Washington decided to hell with this.
Honorable mention goes out to the New York Yankees starting rotation, which rocked 4 out of 5 as minor leaguers at one point.


The "Dull Knife In The Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), Mark Pagnozzi (HOU)]

---Michael Pineda of the New York Yankees---

Pineda decided to use pine tar one day, kinda got caught by the Red Sox, but since the players they employ are anything but clean (and at least one of their pitchers cheated as well in the recent past) on top of pretending Ortiz was anything but juiced, they let it slide.
...Then he did it again 2 starts later, against the same team, because, well I'm not quite sure what made him think he'd get away with it twice, especially in a game where everyone was looking for if he did it again. He got 10 games to mull over his dumb choice in life, only for it to be topped off by him getting injured during the suspension, costing him the majority of 2014. Good job Michael.

...Still a good trade for the Yankees considering how much a disaster Jezus Montero turned out to be for Seattle.


The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays]

---The Boston Red Sox---

From worst to first and back to the worst. If anyone says the 2013 Red Sox wasn't just a happy coincidence of a bunch of scrubs all catching fire at the right time with all the right calls going their way, then point to this year and 2012 (and 2011 for good measure) as to why Boston sucks. Not since the 1998 Marlins have I seen a defending world champion suck this hard, and the 98 fish had the excuse of their owner sending all their players away. The 2014 Red Sox are essentially the same players. Jacoby Ellsbury didn't make THAT much a difference.


The "Joe West Level Of Incompetence" Award
Awarded to the umpire who made the biggest BS call(s) of the year
[Previous winners: 2011 Jerry Meals, 2012 Sam Holbrook, 2013 Fieldin Culbreth]

---Joe West---

The fact that this award existed for 3 years prior and West never won his namesake award seemed not right. But don't worry, Joe proved just how bad he was this year. In a game where Jonathan Papelbon proved just how classy a guy he was by grabbing his crotch at some fans, West did what most umpires would do and tossed him for it. As Papelbum got in his face and argued it though, West decided to cross a line by grabbing the player. Umpires are to never be touched in an argument and to do so is a punishable offense, so it would seem like the no touching rule also applies to the umpires as well. Joe West, in thinking he was hot shit, decided that rule didn't apply to him and was punished for it accordingly. I'll echo Hawk Harrelson by saying: Joe West needs to go away.


The "Ozzie Kind Of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), Joe Girardi (NYY)]

---Kirk Gibson of the Arizona Diamondbacks---

Gibson would make a great manager for the Sandlot team...and that's it. Guy regularly wanted his pitchers to headhunt star players and enforce a bunch of rules with violence. Did it surprise anyone that once competent people showed up in management, that he'd be the first to go?


The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winner: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL)]

---Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees---
Crime: Being on Bud Selig's bad side / Being able to be mentioned in the same sentence as PEDs
Time: 162 games (He got paid for the off days)

A-Rod, aka: "Everything wrong with baseball" according to Selig, was originally suspended for all this year and whatever was left of last year, but he appealed and got to play in 2013....then went about the appeals process like a 2 year old and stormed out at one point (which I'm pretty sure the appeal goes against you on principle at that point). Pineda's suspension was pretty stupid on his part, but it's hard to overlook a suspension that covered the entire damn year, no matter how warranted/unwarranted it was.


The "They'll Let Anybody Pitch" Award
Awarded to the pitcher who should never have been allowed near a mound

---Kevin Correia of the Los Angeles Dodgers---

7-17...Guy had an ERA around 5.00 in Minnesota...the Dodgers looked at this and said "Yeah, we defiantly need this guy on roster in order to win the NL." He joined and in 9 games (3 starts) posted an ERA over 8.00. How about a K to BB ratio of 2:1?
This guy could have been easily forgettable if he stayed with the Twins, but the fact that a team favored to go to the world series picked him up and he did nothing new? That earns him shittiest pitcher honors.