May 31, 2015

Race for Safe Haven - The Most Important Knowledge in the World

[Posted by Ted H]

God help us all, the Alabama Hot Pocket story is true......and somewhere, it's an actual thing...


[Race for Safe Haven - The Most Important Knowledge in the World]

            As night fell, most of the group found a quiet spot to spend the night. Matt had volunteered for the first watch, and had set up right at the garage door peeking out. He lost count of the hours passing as he watched zombies occasionally wander by, blindly making their way to where they thought a new meal waited.
            Closed in the office, lit up with flashlights and electric lanterns found in the station, Tara, Rhett and Steve sat enjoying the beer. They tried to keep the noise down for the sake of everyone else sleeping, but also in case any zombie was nearby. As Steve stated before, Mike wouldn't allow any beer to be packed, so they decided to drink it all now and spend the next day hung over before leaving the following day. They were only a couple cases into the beer and already feeling tipsy.
            "So this chick," Steve said, continuing a story while trying not to laugh "She's missing pretty much her entire left arm. I mean it was wrapped up and everything, but you could tell it was torn to shreds. She's infected out the ass, sweating and puking up a storm."
            "There's a joke in there, right?" Tara asked as Steve put his hand up and nodded at her vigorously. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said "Like I said, she was dead and she knew it. And at this point it's just us. And she looks at me and says she needs me to do her a favor. Now I'm thinking she wants me to put her out of her misery or something like that. I don't think I could do it, I start to freak out and shit because she's dead anyway and all she wants me to do is make it suck less.
            "So anyway, I decide to help her out. I tell her "Anything," and play it up all dramatic, right? And she just looks up at me, pale, dying face and all. I'm bracing for it, that moment when she asks me to take her life. And she know what she says? She says..." Steve stops talking to suppress a laugh as he tries to finish.
            "What did she say?" Rhett said, bracing for the end to the story and annoyed that Steve couldn't finish without laughing.
            "Okay, okay," Steve said as he composed himself "She looks up at me and says that she doesn't want to die a virgin." Steve and Rhett break out into laughter as Tara smiles and shakes her head. "Oh my God," she said as she opened another beer "That's horrible."
            "So I have no idea what to say," Steve continued "I mean, I was mentally preparing to kill this chick, and here she's asking me to bone her before she dies."
            "Did you do it?" Rhett asked.
            "Look," Steve said "This chick is infected with whatever the fuck that virus is called. I'm pretty sure it might also spread like an STD. So I look back at her and say she just needs to rest or something. Luckily, she passed out a few minutes later."
            "Should've gone for it," Tara said.
            "Hey," Steve said "I know my chances of staying alive long out here are slim. I mean, I'm a fat guy in the apocalypse, I know I'm living on borrowed time. But really, I don't need to intentionally get myself killed."
            "Oh man, what if she died while you screwed her," Rhett said with a wide grin and bright face "And then she went all zombie without you knowing it and bit your dick off?"
            "Shut up," Steve said while pretending to throw his drink.
            "Was she at least hot?" Tara asked.
            "Yeah, she was cute," Steve admitted "In retrospect, she would've been down for pretty much anything. Dying girls might be kinky like that. Might've tried an Alabama Hot Pocket."
            "What the fuck is an Alabama Hot Pocket?" Tara asked while Rhett gave an intrigued look.
            "It's disgusting," Steve said "You don't want to know."
            ""Now I gotta know," Rhett said while Tara egged Steve on. "C'mon, you have to tell us," she said "You can't do that; say something like that and not explain it."
            "Alright," Steve relented "Not that I've ever done this, but an Alabama Hot Pocket is when you hold a girls vagina open and take a shit right inside it."
            Tara dry heaved a little. "Awe man," Rhett said while laughing "I've seen some shit today and all through this apocalypse, but I draw the line at that."
            "Why would you want to do that?" Tara asked.
            "I never said I'd enjoy it," Steve said as backed from the table "But hey, if she would try it, who knows?"
            Everyone finished their beers and cracked open new ones as Matt entered the office. "What's wrong, Matt?" Steve asked. "Nothing," Matt said "Just, I need a break and Laura's taking over. I don't think she'll stay awake long though." Steve nodded as he stood up. "I don't think she'd stay awake neither," he said "Hell, it's a bad idea to trust her alone to begin with."
            With that, Steve left and headed to look out with Laura, leaving Matt with Rhett and Tara. "Hey Matt," Rhett said as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a wad of cash "I owe you for the gas." Matt stared in disbelief as Rhett dropped a handful of twenty dollar bills on the desk. "Are you serious?" he asked as he walked to the desk and looked at the money.
            "What's the problem?" Tara asked. "How can you think that money is anything more than glorified toilet paper now?" Matt said as he sat down. "I dunno," Rhett said "Never know. What's really bothering you?" Matt sighed as he buried his face in his hands. "It's the end of the world," he said "And only a select few will have what it takes to survive."
            "You've made it this far," Rhett said "Think of all the people you've outlived."
            "Yeah," Matt said "Because of other people "On my own? I wouldn't last two days."
            "Don't be so hard on yourself," Tara said "None of us would last long on our own."
            "What were you before the world ended, Rhett?" Matt asked.
            "No one important," Rhett deflected.
            "But you look like you could make it," Matt said "You were smart enough to do things like get a weapon, take equipment from a cop car and even take money in case the world could still be salvaged. You know what I did? I left my home without supplies like a sheep because the television said to. And when things got bad, I hid in the comic shop where I worked. I hid under a rock and waited for someone to save me. And when that person died, only then did I think to take his gun and defend myself."
            "Don't be so hard on yourself," Tara said as slid a fresh beer over to Matt "I ran into Jenny and we hid together in an outlet store. We weren't exactly thriving on our own either."
            "You don't understand," Matt said "I don't have any special skills or knowledge that'll help me survive out there. Do you know what it's like for 99 percent of your acquired knowledge and skill set to suddenly be rendered useless?"
            "Can't be that bad," Rhett suggested.
            "I have a detailed knowledge of Captain America's back story, I can recite the Green Lantern oath in my sleep, I know every X-men team configuration through the 1990's and I can identify and list every bat symbol style chronologically including non-canon versions. All of that is pointless now."
            "It can't all be useless," Tara said as she leaned on the desk, struggling to find something to say "You...uh, you look like you eat healthy. I bet you know a healthy diet that's viable for the apocalypse."
            "I don't know any diets," Matt said ", but no, it's useless."
            "What's the diet?" Rhett asked as he went to drink.
            "It's a diet to allow natural breast enlargement in women. A bigger boobs plan."
            Rhett almost choked on beer as Tara laughed. "Are you serious?" she asked "That's awesome!" Rhett coughed a few times to clear his windpipe. "You my friend, contain the most important knowledge in the world," he said "Especially now since I'm sure plastic surgeons aren't exactly practicing anymore. We need to keep you alive."
            "How do you even know that?" Tara asked. "My brother had a girlfriend who had a breast reduction procedure," Matt said "He wasn't exactly too thrilled about it, but he said he had a plan. He secretly put her on this diet; bought her the right foods, cooked her specific meals. I didn't believe it at first, but lo and behold, she was back to double Ds in no time."
            "You need to share this secret," Tara said as Matt finally laughed and opened his beer. The rest of the night was filled with drunken exchanges and stories, before everyone finally called it a night and retired to their own corner of the gas station to sleep.

May 25, 2015

Race for Safe Haven - Only the Essentials

Hmmmm, been forgetting to update lately. My bad...


[Race for Safe Haven - Only the Essentials]

            After slipping his shirt back on, he moved to get up. "Oh, this is gonna hurt for a while." he noted as every motion on the way up sent waves of pain through him all the way to his back. After standing, he walked his way to his car. Looking out the garage door, he noticed how quickly it was getting dark out. He opened the driver's side door and retrieved his keys, still in the ignition. "Only I get to drive from now on," he said as he closed the door and went to the trunk to get something before joining the others inside the gas station.
            Various bits of food and equipment were being gathered by the register. Mike was coordinating it all into three piles; car supplies, food and everything else. Steve and Tara were meanwhile carrying all the alcohol they could find into the back office. "Just the essentials, eh?" Rhett asked as Steve walked by. "Mike won't let us take any on the road," Steve responded "So drink them while you got them."
            After everything was sorted, Mike and Steve sat in the back office discussing their next plan while standing over a map. Rhett walked in carrying some straps he found. "We have three handguns and Eric's magnum," Mike said as Rhett walked over. "Two more and a shotgun," Rhett reminded him. "So you changed your mind?" he asked, not too thrilled with what he heard. "Yeah," Rhett said "At least to scout ahead to Albany. After that, I'm going to find my friend in Buffalo."
            "That's a day or two at the most," Steve said "I think he should stick around for it." Mike slowly nodded. "Absolutely," Tara said, carrying a final case of beer. "Fine, fine," Mike said, surrendering to the idea "Rhett can stay, but just watch where you aim from now on." Rhett frowned. "You make it sound like I have a habit of shooting the living." Mike ignored him as he returned to the map.
            "The interstate is probably hopelessly congested," he said as he trailed his finger along the map, showing the road "We're gonna have to stick to back roads."
            "Should we hit up Utica for supplies, or try to power through to Albany?" Steve asked.
            "I don't want to stop at any more cities if I can help it," Mike said "We almost didn't make it out of this one."
            "But what if Albany is gone just like here?" Tara asked.
            "How long do you think it'll take us to drive to Albany? We'll be fine." Mike said.
            "It took you a week to get here from Harrisburg," Steve reminded him.
            "Let's just play it by ear for now," Mike said "We head out tomorrow."
            "Is that a good idea?" Steve asked.
            "We have a car, we have supplies. What more are we waiting for?" Mike asked.
            "We might not have enough gas to make it to Albany, even if we start with a full tank," Steve said "We need to fill all the extra gas cans we can. Also it wouldn't hurt to find a second car."
            "You aren't so keen on having me around, yet you forget whose car that is in the garage," Rhett said, earning a look from Mike.
            "We can't afford to wait forever," Mike said, crossing his arms.
            "One day," Tara said "It won't kill us. I'll give you a chance to find a good car, and some of us could use a day to get our bearings after today."
            "Fine," Mike said, realizing no one else shared his view "One day. After that we double time it to Albany." Mike's statement was received with shrugs and nods as he left.
            "Is he ever in a good mood?" Rhett asked. "He's know," Steve said. "Being in charge has its pressures," Tara added. Rhett shrugged and reached for a beer.
            "Why is he the one in charge?" Rhett asked.
            "He knows how to get to Safe Haven," Steve said "He keeps a packet of information on him detailing how to get there, he knows what stuff is needed and when."
            "It's complicated," Tara simply said.
            "What if something happens to him?" Rhett asked.
            "Well he was teaching..." Tara started "Uh, he was teaching Eric what he needed to know, just in case."
            "Lovely," Rhett said as he took a swig of beer.
            "Matt too," Tara continued "He knows a few things."
            "Why doesn't he teach everyone?" Rhett asked.
            "Insurance I guess," Tara said "As long as he alone has the knowhow to get there, then it keeps him in charge and keeps us from ditching him."
            "Mike's the one who knew about the pickup locations," Steve said "Picked each of us up and accumulated the group along the way. You're just the latest entrant."
            "Really?" Rhett said "No one here knew anyone else before?"
            "Nah," Steve said "When he found me, it was just him, and Matt. We found Eric not long after, then Tara and Jenny. Next we ran across Sarah, Jason came next, Laura a couple days ago and finally you." Rhett looked to Tara. "You and Jenny knew each other?"  he asked. "Nah," Tara said "Not before the apocalypse. We kind of ran into each other and had each other's back until Mike and them showed up."
            "That reminds me of this guy I met," Rhett said "The day everything started going to shit, I headed for my local bar, don't ask why. Anyway, there was this guy there, Chris..."

May 10, 2015

Race for Safe Haven - Another Gas Station?

[Posted by Ted H]

Yes....2 different bars and 2 different gas stations before Act 1 is even over.....for the record though, I don't plan on there being another bar in the near future....but I always envision gas stations as being prime looting points in an apocalypse. End of the world happening? 1st place I'm hitting up is a gas station...followed by a drug store...


[Race for Safe Haven - Another Gas Station?]

            "Another fucking gas station?" Laura asked as she tried to adjust herself squeezed in the backseat next to Steve. It wasn't comfortable, but it seemed better than the back where Rhett, Tara and Jenny had to situate themselves  with all the bags of supplies and equipment. "This one has a garage we can hide out it," Mike said as he folded up his map. They were out of the city and in to the more sparsely populated rural area.
            Jason stopped just short of the garage portion. "We need a way to open this," Mike said as Matt volunteered to look. Jason stayed in the car while everyone piled out and Matt went to get into the station. "What happened?" Mike asked Steve. "What more do you need to know?" Steve asked. "Eric obviously made it out of there," Mike said "How did he get swarmed?"
            "I killed him," Rhett said plainly as he walked by.
            "What?" Mike yelled as he reached for his weapon.
            "Eric shot Sarah first," Steve said, stepping between the two "Then he shot Rhett. Eric went fucking crazy, I was about to put a bullet in him myself."
            "I don't understand," Mike said as he dropped his hand from his gun.
            "Sarah was bit. Got infected."
            Mike closed his eyes and sighed. "Eric wasn't gonna let her live long like that," Steve continued "Killed her. Rhett stood up to him inside the club, so I guess he figured Rhett needed killing too, I dunno. Like I said, he went fucking crazy."
            "It's true," Tara added as she walked over "The last day was tough on all of us, but I bet Eric just couldn't deal with it. Did a lot of stupid things, some things we stupidly went along with..." Mike looked passed Steve to see Rhett, who looked back at him with a calm look. "What do you have to say about it?" he asked. Rhett shrugged "I did what I had to," he said "I'm just trying to survive this, like everyone else."
            Mike shook his head as he walked away. Matt had gotten into the garage and was now raising the door. "Inside!" he called as everyone followed Jason as he drove the car into the garage. Rhett looked about before the door lowered closed; nothing was around or approaching. "This is where we're spending the night?" Jenny asked Mike, who said nothing.
            In the back of the garage was a desk with a rolling chair behind it. Rhett made his way over to it and sat down. He pulled his shirt over his head and took it off to reveal the bulletproof vest. He held up the shirt to examine the hole in the chest. "Damn," he said as he ran his finger through it. "Too bad about your shirt," Tara said as she walked over and sat on the desk in front of Rhett. "You kidding me?" he asked "It's lucky. If he shot me anywhere else, I'd be dead."
            "That' way to look at it," Tara said as Rhett dropped the shirt and opened the vest to take off. "You make it a habit to wear clothes over things like that?" Rhett shrugged. "Fooled Eric," he said as he dropped the vest. All he had left was a white t-shirt that he pulled up to reveal a large, dark black and blue bruise on his chest.
            "Owe," Tara commented as Rhett dropped the shirt back down, covering the mark "That looks painful."
            Rhett smiled. "That bullet hit me so hard, my back hurts. I swear I thought it went through me at first."
            "Where's the bullet?"
            "In the vest I think. I've never been shot by a bullet before, but I didn't expect it to be that painful."
            "Eric did always go on about how awesome his gun was," Tara said as she held up the magnum.
            "Yeah, .357 is defiantly up there with the worst things I've been hit by."
            "You've been shot by something else?"
            "Paintballs," Rhett said with a grin "My buddy Jake and I knew this kid growing up. Every week during the summer, he'd drag us to this paintball park and we'd spend hours just running around and shooting each other."
            "Must have been good preparation."
            "Something like that. Though getting hit by a paintball is nothing like a bullet. But you know what's worse? Steel ball bearings."
            "What's that?"
            "What the name implies. Sometimes they come the size of a paintball. Some kid with psychological issues snuck a bunch into his  batch of regular paintballs one day. Went after me and Jake. Nailed Jake right in the mask, couple inches from hitting his head. Shattered the corner of his mask, cut him too."
            "That must've hurt."
            "Maybe. I wasn't too concerned since he nailed me in the knee with one of them. Fractured it and everything. Don't remember too much after."
            "I bet you were walking funny after that."
            "Nah, but I don't think I healed all the way neither. Every so often it'll hurt for a while. And if I take a nasty fall on it, it hurts so bad I can barely walk."
            "What happened to the kid who shot you?"
            "Banned for life. Never saw him again. Jake did run into him one time after that. Took a rock and hurled it at his crotch. Then he jumped on his knee and spit on his head to remind him who he fucked with."
            "Oh my God."
            "Yeah...good times."
            "Well, good to hear your friend had your back."
            "Speaking of which..." Rhett dug into his pocket to retrieve his phone. On it was an unread text. "Rochester is fucked. Any luck back home?" he read from the message. "Shit," he said as he texted "nope."
            "I don't think many of the shelters made it long," Tara said "At least around here." Before Rhett could respond, his phone started ringing. "What the fuck, Jake?" he asked as he looked to Tara. "What?" Jake said on the other line. Tara gave a quizzical look and Rhett put the phone on speaker mode and placed it on the desk.
            "I thought we agreed to text only?" Rhett said.
            "That's a stupid rule," Jake responded.
            "What if I was trying to hide from zombies?"
            "You texted. That meant you were safe, right?"
            "Maybe I just texted to check in, but was still vulnerable."
            "Then your phone would be off or something."
            "You know I never do that," Rhett said "Though, probably would have been smart to do that before." Tara tried to stifle a laugh.
            "Oooo, you ain't alone, are you," Jake said.
            "Nah," Rhett responded "Found some people."
            "What, no introductions?"
            "Don't matter. They're heading to Albany. We're meeting up somewhere between here and Rochester."
            "Ah, point taken. How come they're going to Albany?"
            "Good question," Rhett said as he looked to Tara "Hey Tara, why Albany?"
            "Hi Tara! I'm Jake!" Jake yelled through the phone.
            Tara laughed before answering "Fastest way to Safe Haven."
            "What the fuck is Safe Haven?" Rhett asked before stopping himself "Wait, you mean that place in California?"
            "Yeah," Tara said "Mike has all the details. I'm just along for the ride, you know?"
            "Jake, you idiot," Rhett said to his phone "It's not a safe haven, it's called Safe Haven."
            "Same fucking difference," Jake said.
            "Well if you guys are trying to get there too, just come with us," Tara offered.
            "Why Albany?" Rhett asked.
            "State capital," Tara said "Apparently it's the last evacuation location that'll be operational in the state."
            "Well shit," Rhett said "Jake, let's meet up and head for Albany."
            "Sounds like a plan!"
            "So you're coming with us?" Tara asked.
            "No," Rhett said "Not without Jake. We'll meet up and catch up to you guys."
            "Well," Tara said "We're not actually sure if Albany's still operational."
            "You just said..." Rhett started.
            "I know," Tara said "But I haven't been with this group as long as Mike has. He came from Harrisburg and it was gone. Albany isn't his first attempt at getting to Safe Haven."
            "New plan?" Jake asked.
            "I have no idea," Rhett responded.
            "Then we recon some more!" Jake announced.
            "No," Rhett protested "I still have my car. I'll come pick you up and we'll hit up Albany together. Regroup with the rest of these guys then."
            "And what if Albany's lost too?"
            "You got a better idea?"
            "I read a lot of wall scribbles about Buffalo still being viable."
            "Man, fuck Buffalo."
            "Hah," Jake laughed "But seriously, I'll check that out, you look at Albany. We'll figure our next move from there."
            "I'll be in Albany long before you even get to Buffalo," Rhett said "Hell, I can go from Albany to Buffalo in my car faster than you can get there on foot. And is splitting apart more really the best course of action?"
            "Probably not, but I had a mob of zombies chase me far west anyway. And I bet I can find a working car before long anyway," Jake said "If Albany's legit, I'll come right over. If not, meet me in Buffalo. Easy shit."
            Rhett groaned "Fine," he said.
            "Great!" Jake said "I'm gonna pack it in now, head out tomorrow. By the way, what's your kill count?"
            "I have no idea," Rhett said "Haven't been really keeping count."
            "Well start!"
            Rhett rolled his eyes "Fine whatever," he said "Try not to die."
            "Stay frosty!"
            "I like your friend," Tara said as Rhett put the phone away. "Yeah, he's a riot," he said as he sat back in the chair. "So you coming with us?" Tara asked. "Maybe, I dunno," Rhett said "Half your people aren't exactly crazy about me."
            "Oh, don't worry," Tara said waving her hand in the air to dismiss the thought "They'll get over it." Rhett shrugged. "You don't want me around," he said "I'm an asshole. I also killed one of your own."
            "Eric was an asshole," Tara responded "And Mike's butthurt about it now cuz they were becoming buds like he and Matt are now, but he was borderline psychotic and Jenny and I were scarred shitless around him half the time. You could only imagine how fun it was being all cooped up with him in the strip club. You're not an asshole though."
            "I have it on good authority that I am," Rhett said.
            "Whose authority?" Tara asked.
            "Some guy who was infected early on, commenting on how shitty of a person I was before he asked me to help him kill himself."
            "Did you?"
            "...No. Took him home to his family instead."
            "See? You're a good guy. There's that, you care about your friend, you even cared about perfect strangers in a strip club."
            "Yeah, well..." Rhett shrugged as he looked away.
            "I never did thank you for that," Tara said as she leaned over and kissed Rhett on the cheek. "Uh," Rhett said, caught off guard "You're welcome?" Tara smiled. "Stick around," she said as she got up and walked away "Asshole or not, some of us want you around." Rhett waited a moment after to pick up the vest and examine the hole in it while feeling the bruise on his chest. "Worth it," he said as he dropped the vest onto the desk and grabbed his shirt.