March 26, 2012

Safe Haven - Draw Me A Diagram

[...Posted by Ted H]

Day late, buck short? Yeah, fantasy draft is my excuse...
We now interrupt PErry the Pimps potentially brutal beatdown to bring you something completely different...


[Safe Haven - Draw Me A Diagram]

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” Jezus and Kendall said in unison as they shot their hands out. Kendall had scissors, Jezus went with rock. “You go in first,” Jezus said as he stepped back and took a seat. The secretary was not amused by their little game, but she didn’t object and allowed Kendall to step through the door into The Doctor’s office. Neither man knew what to expect, but seeing The Doctor sitting at his desk with Spengles next to him answered a few of those expectations for Kendall though.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Kendall said as he sat down and faced the two men. Spengles, the resident psychologist of Safe Haven, wasn’t very good at his job, and was still trying to master the art of his chosen craft. Everyone knew he was a failed psychologist before the apocalypse, but since there was no real psychologist left alive in the world, he so kindly stepped up.

“Are you sure you’re alright, and not just lying to yourself?” Spengles asked as he folded his hands on the table “These types of things can build up inside. Trust me, you’re not the first person to lose a partner out there, and you wouldn’t be the first to let it all out. We’re all adults here, there’s no worry over ridicule. I know all you Enforcers are tough, but it’s ok to let your emotions out once in a while, especially when you witness a friend dying.”

“What the fuck are you saying?” Kendall asked as Spengles recoiled “Will and I were cool and all, but I’m not gonna cry over him.” Spengles sighed and sat back in his chair, but didn’t even try to say anything more. Half the battle here was already over, Kendall figured, but the more uncomfortable conversation was due up, not because of the content matter, but because of who it was with.

“I know you already went over things with The General,” The Doctor said as he ran his tongue across his lips “But I want to be sure myself.” He took a piece of paper and a pen and slid them across the table to Kendall. Kendall fought the urge to roll his eyes as the infamous draw-me-a-diagram exercise was about to happen.

“Draw me a diagram,” The Doctor said “Where everyone was and the scenery.” Even The General had some choice words for whenever his men had to do this. The Doctor had no authority to debrief any ResEs like this, but The President always insisted that no harm was being done and that it helps The Doctor and Spengles assist the ResEs for any physical or psychological needs.

Kendall drew a crude representation of what happened the night Will died. He drew the alleys where he checked and the Rogue were respectively. He marked where Will and the girl were and he drew dotted lines for the path he and the Rogue took when they began their chase. He then pushed the paper back across the table and folded his arms.

“Oh my,” Spengles said as he eyes the sheet “You were that close to it? That must have been pretty graphic to watch. Do you wanna talk about what you saw?” Kendall couldn’t stop himself this time as he rolled his eyes at the Psychology 101 tactic. It wasn’t really graphic when Will died. As Kendall recalled, it was a clean hit to the head and Will didn’t suffer at all. Sure there was blood and brain matter flying, but Kendall was too preoccupied on the Rogue to notice too much. Spengles however was tossing an old trick his way, by using some choice words to fuck with how Kendall remembered the events. Kendall wasn’t born yesterday, plus he took some psychology classes when he went to college. Technically, he was just as qualified to be in Spengles position, which is to say he wasn’t very qualified at all.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Kendall said and then eyed The Doctor. “Am I done here?” he asked as The Doctor licked his lips again “I really need to get some stuff prepped before curfew hits.” The Doctor nodded and motioned Kendall that he could leave. Kendall lied, but he knew The Doctor didn’t have the balls to waste any more of someone’s time if the thought they had better things to do. “If you ever feel the need to talk about what happened to your partner…” Spengles started but Kendall didn’t stop to hear his offer out.

He opened the door and stepped back out into the waiting room. Jezus was still where he was before, scribbling on a piece of paper. “What’s that?” he asked as Jezus held up a poorly drawn diagram. “I’m going out on a limb and say he’s gonna want me to draw him a picture.” Kendall smiled as he looked at the picture. “What is it suppose to be?” he asked. “When we found Juan,” Jezus said “Think I should label everyone?”

“You’re fine,” Kendall said as he made for the exit. “Hey, I decided on my new call name,” Jezus said “From now on, “Sanchez” is my name.” Kendall arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t “Sanchez” your last name?” Jezus nodded “Sanchez and Slain. Got to admit, it has a nice ring to it.” Kendall smiled as he shook his head. “Whatever,” he said “As long as you’re happy with it.”

“You may go in now,” the secretary said to Jezus. “Catch you later,” Kendall said as Jezus took one last look at his diagram and said “I think I should have labeled it.”

March 18, 2012

Safe Haven - Perspective pt.3

[...Posted by Ted H]

Played through Mass Effect 3. I have...reservations about how it ended. Not about the endings themselves, nor the fact that they all boiled down to "pick your own color" style of endings....but the utter and complete lack of any closure is what's pissing me off...then again, if "The Arrival" DLC from Mass Effect 2 is any indication, then Bioware is just gonna release the true ending in a later DLC for this game as well...Remember the post credits cutscene? "Tell me another story about the Shepard" "OK, just one more..." [Fade to black] tell me THAT wasnt a set up for DLC...

...anyway, time to conclude the Perspective trilogy...and in case you're thick and haven't realized why I broke it up into 3 parts...pt1-John...pt2-Nick...and pt3-Kyle.


[Safe Haven - Perspective pt.3]

Kyle had been lied to. The man told him he kicked his pants off in the room, yet Nick had gotten a different story from the whore. “Fucker stripped and hid in plain sight,” he said as he sprinted back for the apartment. He was seething, more angry at himself than at anything else. He should’ve just dropped the kid on the spot instead of playing cop. He wasn’t a cop, only a tiny fraction of ResEs were even trained as fucking rent-a-cops before this, yet The General insisted in professionalism. Fuck that, Kyle figured, play time was over.

He shouldered in through the front door and went up the stairs two at a time. “Knock knock!” he screamed as he kicked the man’s door so hard, it literally flew off the hinges and into the apartment. A quick survey told Kyle that there was no one inside, but the bedroom door was closed. He tried the handle and found the door wouldn’t budge. “Better use my key,” he said as he stepped back and once again kicked. The door blew open but only a little bit before something behind it stopped it. The door was blocked shut by the dresser.

“Guess I’ll have to pick it,” he said as he leveled his rifle and unloaded into the door. The wood on both the door and dresser behind it splintered and another kick from Kyle made him an opening, one that required him to climb over debris, but he was in. If the man was hiding in there, the stream of rifle fire would have torn him up in this tiny room, but there wasn’t anything inside. The man wasn’t in there either.

“Where are you?” he asked aloud as he walked up to the window. He figured his shooting had broken the glass, but the window was wide open beforehand. It was a three story drop, too far for a sensible person to take, but when Kyle looked out the window, he noticed a stack of boxes piled just under the window, making the drop less perilous.

“This would be my day,” Kyle said as he jumped out the window and onto the boxes. He wanted to call this in, but he figured that unless the man was sprinting for his life, no one would notice anything odd about him. Calling in the description without anything else to go on would only just piss off other ResEs.

“Mean!” Kyle screamed into his radio “Tell me you found me something else to go on!” It took a moment, but Nick finally answered. “I ain’t got shit, and by the sound of it, neither do you, so don’t give me attitude.” Kyle spit as he jumped off the boxes. “I’m on my way, stop fucking and make sure our pal Perry the Pimp is waiting. I got some questions for his punk ass.”

March 11, 2012

Safe Haven - Perspective pt.2

[...Posted by Ted H]

Mass Effect time to write, saving the earth...


[Safe Haven - Perspective pt.2]

“I like this plan,” Nick said as he and Kyle walked up to the whore house. “Find that fucking shirt,” Kyle said as he walked away. “Where are you going?” Nick asked as Kyle kept walking. “I’m gonna have a little chat with the naked guy from yesterday. I got a feeling he might be our man. I had ResEs tracking him since last night.”

“So I’m going in the whore house alone?”

“Yeah. That a problem?”

“I don’t like this plan anymore. I LOVE it.”

“Just do your fucking job, then fuck bitches.”

Nick charged in like he was storming a palace and screamed at the top of his lungs “I need some fucking attention! Hey ladies!” He could hear tired and annoyed talking from behind closed doors but nobody was coming out to greet him, which would just not do. “What kind of customer service is this?” he screamed, but still received no greeting.

“How bout this then,” Nick yelled “Residential Enforcer! Get the fuck out here!” He was so pumped up as he screamed, he let off a few rounds into the ceiling, something Kyle would bitch at him over if he were with him. Nick got some prompt service after that as four different women rushed out of their rooms to meet him. “Where your pimp at?” he asked as he walked over and threw an arm around one of the women.

“What’s going on?” a man asked, coming through a door behind Nick. “That must be Perry the Pimp!” Nick screamed as he spun around, dragging the woman around with him. “Why are you back?” Perry asked as he looked up to the ceiling “And why did you shoot the ceiling?” Nick couldn’t hide a smile as Perry motioned his girls to leave the room. Nick kept his arm around the one girl though, not allowing her to leave.

“You guys got a lost and found?” Nick asked “A friend of mine lost his clothes.” Perry gave off a quick worried look before turning around and walking towards the door he came in through. “We keep all found items in my office,” he said as he stood by the door and waited. Nick strolled his way on over, still not letting go of the woman, who was too afraid to try to get away.

Perry’s office wasn’t very big, but Nick didn’t care. He just needed to find the right shirt, maybe the pants, then he could fuck the day away until curfew. They weren’t officially on duty, but The General always encouraged the ResEs to go above and beyond their duties for the sake of doing their jobs, something Nick never bothered with before, but he was willing to make an exception for the whore house.

“Is that everything?” Nick asked as he noticed a distinctive lack of anything red in the pile of clothing in the corner of the office. “The girls don’t typically hold on to someone else’s clothing,” Perry said as Nick kicked the pile over and shifted things around with his foot. “This sucks,” he announced as he gave up on the pile. “Hey Rotting Cure, there’s no fucking shirt,” he said into his radio.

“What’s that Mean?” Kyle said. “I said I checked and found no fucking red shirt. But I’ll keep looking. Why don‘t you tell him I found a red shirt though, see if it scares him.” Kyle had stressed earlier that Nick had to keep searching if he didn’t find the shirt right away. Nick didn’t like the idea of it, but he had to put in the extra effort. “What would Batman do?” he asked himself, then got an idea.

“Hey, show me tiny cock’s cloths,” he said to Perry, remembering that the naked guy didn’t leave last night with his clothes. Kyle was with him at that moment, so it was up to Nick to not fuck up his end of this investigation. Perry shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You’re the pimp though, don’t you know every man who sleeps with your girls?”

“You’re asking me what happened just before your associate hit me. My memory has been a bit funny around that time.”

“Remember any red shirts?”

“I’m telling you, there were no red shirted individuals.”

“I thought you said your memory was fuzzy?”

“I would remember a red shirt. You’re also asking me about what a specific person wore.”

“Same difference.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I don’t like your selective memory.”

“And I don’t like you scaring my women.”

Nick was getting pissed, but as much as he wanted to shoot Perry the Pimp, he had a job to do. Business first, fucking later, then kill the pimp if there was time. “The bitch he was with, where is she?” he asked as Perry motioned back outside his office. “The room where you found her yesterday.” Nick nodded as he reluctantly let go of the woman he was still holding. “End of the hall,” he said as he ascended the steps and walked down the hallway.

“Anybody home?” He said as he kicked down the door, the startled woman inside jumping out of her bed “How about a good morning fuck?” The woman held up a blanket to conceal herself as Nick walked in. “What do you want?” she asked as Nick looked about. “You remember homeboy from yesterday, right? Tiny dick? Romantic night ruined when we arrived? I need his clothes.”

“T-they’re not here,” she stammered as Nick continued looking around. “You sure?” he said “You didn’t happen to misplace anything, a shoe or perhaps a red shirt?” The woman shook her head. “I returned everything he came in with when he left,” she said. “For real?” Nick asked as he opened her dresser and riffled through her clothes, but found nothing remotely male oriented.

Nick was tired of investigating. It wasn’t his style and he felt like he gave more than enough effort already. “So about that morning fuck…” he said as he unbuckled his pants and focused on more deviant thoughts as opposed to shirts. There were no need for shirts with what he was about to do.

“Any luck, Mean?” Kyle said in the radio, killing Nick’s boner. “God fucking damn it,” Nick screamed in response. “You’re trying to have sex right now, aren’t you?” Kyle asked. “What if I am?” Nick responded.

“Are you even trying to help me?”

“Hey, I tried. Couldn’t find anything. Aside from some curtains, no one in this dump even knows what red is.”

“Where are you now?”

“I’m in a fucking church, praying to God. Where do you think I am?”

“I mean where in the whore house? I’ll be there in a few.”

“Naked man’s bitch’s room. About to get my freak on, so knock first, ok?”

“Look under the bed.”

“Why, you under there? You can watch if you want.”

“Just fucking do as I ask.”

“Fine,” Nick said as he winked to the woman, then dropped to the ground and peered under the bed. “Ain’t nothing under there,” he said “Wait, no. there’s a dead rat. Should I grab it for you, or can I go back to me time?”

“Any pants?”

“No,” Nick said as he stood up “What’s your angle?”

“Naked man lied to me…” Kyle trailed off and didn’t elaborate any more.

Nick shrugged and was about to drop his pants when he felt a pang of something he couldn’t quite place, but it felt kind of like guilt. “Yo, bitch,” he addressed the woman in the bed “Did the naked white boy yesterday leave his pants here?” Kyle was counting on him to do make an effort, and while Nick didn’t want to, he figured that if he did a decent enough job, Kyle would stop bitching long enough for Nick to at least bust one out.

“I asked you a question,” he said as the woman finally summoned the courage to speak “I told you…His clothes aren’t here.” Nick cocked his head sideways “I’m talking just about the pants. Where did he kick ‘em?” The woman looked like she didn’t know what to say “I don’t know what you’re talking about. He took them off somewhere else, I don’t know where.”

Nick relayed what he just heard to Kyle, who sounded grateful that Nick made the fucking effort. “Good,” Nick said “Now can you leave me alone, for like, half hour at least?” Nick didn’t wait for an answer as he finally dropped his pants and stepped out. “You may wanna lie down,” he said to the woman, “And spread the legs.”

He didn’t get five minutes in when Kyle was screaming for him again on the radio.

March 2, 2012

Safe Haven - Perspective pt.1

[...Posted by Ted H]

Starting new job, and not quitting the old one so I pull 2 jobs now....all meaning I have little time to write up a new "Oblivion" piece (which should be evident by the half ass job from last week) instead you get more Safe Haven! Probably more SH over the next week since this is part 1 of a 3 part sequence...youll see why...


[Safe Haven - Perspective pt.1]

Everything was gone. John then realized that his gun was at Perry’s, but there were more bullets and not to mention the fucking map. John knew he wasn’t going to make it home in time last night before curfew, so like a number of the homeless in Safe Haven do, he spent the night crammed in some apartment complex’s hallway with a bunch of other people.

First chance he got, John left in the morning and all but sprinted home out of fear that the ResEs were going to bust down his door and raid his goods. There was no conceivable reason they would know where he lived, but after what happened yesterday, his paranoia was running on all cylinders. He was still in just boxers and a pair of shoes, but instead of dressing when he got home, he all but threw the dresser out the window to check on his stash hole and all but panicked when he found it empty.

“Wait, why would they put everything back?” he found himself asking aloud. If the ResEs were there last night looking for something, they wouldn’t torn the apartment apart before coming across the dresser. Either they knew exactly where to look, which was unlikely, or someone else stole his map, and there was only one other person who knew where to look.

“Kate…” he said bitterly as someone knocked at his door. That was probably her. John immediately made for the door. “What the fuck happened?” he asked as he threw open the door, and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw that it wasn’t Kate, but a ResE instead. “You were expecting me? How sweet!” he said as he threw his foot through the door before John could close the door. “How did you…” John said before the ResE pushed him away and let himself in.

“You’re kidding, right?” he said “It’s not very hard to find a naked white guy running out in the early morning. So do you not own clothes or what?” John got back up and backed up to a wall. His guns were elsewhere and he had no way of escaping this time. “I’d rather you be dressed for this,” the ResE said as he looked about. John slowly made for his bedroom and reached into his dresser for pants.

“Wha-what do you want?” John asked, figuring the ResE wouldn’t want him to dress if he was only there to kill him. The ResE walked right by John into his bedroom and sat down on the bed. “Just some follow up questions,” he said as he leveled his rifle and pointed it out towards John. “Relax,” he said “If I was here to, I’d already have killed you.”

John could run, but ResEs travel in packs usually. The partner was probably waiting outside. “Seriously,” he continued “Why are you running around naked?” John was putting his pants one, but he knew the ResE wasn’t talking about right now. “They wouldn’t let me stay and curfew was coming last night,” John said as he then turned and dug out a new shirt, taking care not to pull out a red one.

“What color?” The ResE asked. “Huh?” John responded, playing dumb. “The shirt,” the ResE said “What color was your shirt? The one you left at the whore house.” John noted that the ResE had tightened his grip on his rifle. “Blue,” he said while maintaining a poker face “I wore blue that day.”

“What’s that, Mean?” the ResE suddenly said into his radio while holding a finger on his earpiece. He then nodded and turned his attention back to John. “You know,” he said “You were the only man there yesterday who wasn’t wearing a shirt, let alone clothes. My partner is there right now and he says there’s a red shirt. Funny how he didn’t mention anything blue. Mind helping yourself out and telling me where you may have left your shirt? Because you know, if we find a missing blue shirt, I guess you’re off the hook.”

John stood his ground. He was fucked unless he talked fast. “I kinda stripped on my way up,” he said “Must have left my shirt in the hallway. Someone might have stolen it.” The ResE looked at him with a blank stare. “You sure about that?” he asked “How about the pants? Where’d ya leave those?”

“The room,” John quickly said “I kicked them off and they must have gone under the bed or something.”

“There aren’t that many fat people in Safe Haven on my list, and that red shirt sure seems like a perfect fit for you.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Where were you yesterday thirty minutes before I showed up?”

“In…the brothel.”

“I wanna shoot you so badly. All I need is an excuse. I know you’re lying to me. Once I can prove it, we’re gonna have a more intimate chat.”

The ResE then stood up and shouldered his weapon. He was about to leave when he glanced down and stopped. “Your floor is scratched to hell,” he said as John looked down to see the scratches he was talking about. A deep, semi-circle scratch was on the floor by the dresser, indicating it had moved from against the wall. John had moved his dresser countless times without making that kind of a mark on the floor, but someone considerable weaker, like Kate, couldn’t move the dresser without dragging it like that.

The ResE quickly pointed his rifle at John and told him to face the wall. He then grabbed the dresser with one hand and threw it off the wall. He then slammed his rifle butt on the floor in three different places. The last slam caused one of the loose floorboards to pop up slightly. “Oh baby, is this my excuse?” he said as he slammed his rifle on top of the boards, harder this time, and broke right through the floor into John’s hiding place. When he noticed nothing in the hole, he swore and shouldered his weapon again.

“Why did you break my floor?” John asked, playing ignorant. The ResE shot him a cold glance then walked out of the apartment. “Don’t leave town,” he shouted as he left “Though it’s not like you could anyway.” John walked over to his bed and collapsed on top of it. He wanted to kill Kate, and the reasons for wanting to were already mounted pretty high. Still though, he felt paranoid, even after the ResE left.