The 2023 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards

[Posted by Ted H]

The rule changes suck. Shortening the games for the sake of low-attention-span people who still don't care about baseball. Wanna shorten the games? Put a time limit on commercial breaks.

Also the sponsor patches on every uniform is sacrilege, especially on the Yankees uniforms.
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[The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]
These are the awards you DON'T want to win.


The "AL Central Needs to Disband" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West, 2014 NL East, 2015 NL East, 2016 AL Central, 2017 NL East, 2018 AL Central, 2019 AL Central, 2020 NL East, 2022 AL Central]

---The American League Central: Indians, Twins, White Sox, Tigers, Royals---

Formerly the "Orioles Would Rather Play in this Division" Award, I decided to rename it in honor of the division that is so awful that they've wont he award collectively more than 50% of the time. The AL East is a beast, and ever other division has the occasional off year, but the AL Central is so consistently bad that no one takes their champion seriously. Hell, the Twins have a legendary losing streak in the postseason. The Central was bad again this year, where the last place team in the AL East at times would lead the Central. That shows how good all 5 teams int he East were this season (until the Red Sox crapped out under .500 and died) but the Central leaders were so "Meh" that no one expects them to go anywhere in October.

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The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, 2015 Seattle Mariners, 2016 Kansas City Royals, 2017 New York Mets, 2018 Washington Nationals, 2019 Boston Red Sox, 2021 Los Angeles Angels, 2022 San Francisco Giants]

---The New York Mets---

The Mets went the classic Yankees route this season where they threw ungodly amounts of money to put together a team to get them into the playoffs and World Series. They even retained the old Yankee manager Buck Showalter in hopes that he could continue a resurgence for Queens not unlike the mid-90s Yankees that went on to be a dynasty.

Instead the Mets did what the Mets do and were a total mess.
Perhaps the Mets will learn why the Yankees changed up their skipper before that dynasty.

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The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros, 2021 New York Mets, 2022 Tim Anderson (CWS)]

---Tim Anderson of the Chicago White Sox---

Yes, Jackie Robinson himself shall win the award in back to back years. Reality caught up hard with Mr. Anderson. He went a whole calendar year without a homer, but he still strut around like he was any good. He faked his way onto Team USA for the WBC, and was exposed so bad that people played out of position at SS just to cover for his ineptitude in the lineup. But as bad as Anderson was in 2023, it could've all been ignored as far as this award is concerned if he simply learned to shut the fuck up.
But he couldn't.

And as I predicted last year, he indeed got his ass laid out. "Down goes Anderson!" is now the only thing he will be known for (if at all) long into the future. And I'm all for it. In that moment, we all wanted to be Jose Ramirez.

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The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals, 2021 San Francisco Giants, 2022 Tampa Bay Rays]

---The Houston Astros---

The end is happening for the cheating Trashtros. They'll stumble their way into October, but the AL West is overtaking them. The Rangers made huge strides and the Mariners are proving their recent success wasn't a flash in the pan. Ego alone won't sustain the Astros like it's done for the Yankees and Dodgers. Those two have histories of actual clean success to fall back on. All the Astros have are trash cans and buzzers. The end is here, and all of baseball is rejoicing.

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The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds, 2022 Cincinnati Reds]

---The New York Yankees---

This is the easiest prediction in sports. The Yankees never finish below .500 and on their off years, they come back with a vengeance the following season. They barely avoided a losing season and instead barely continued their run of winning seasons (2nd longest in baseball history. In case you're wondering, the Yankees also own the longest winning season streak) So even if we only know that Judge and Cole will be back and the rest of the roster is up int he air, you know the Yankees will storm back ot the top of the division next season.
(But if Boone is still managing, God forbid, then everything I predicted is null and void)

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The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Oakland A's]

---The Oakland A’s---

Everything I said last year still stands this year about Oakland. But what sealed the deal is how they laid down and died for a perfect game pitched by an alcoholic.

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The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2022 Detroit Tigers]

---The Entire Boston Red Sox Defense---

It's been a bad bad bad year for the Red Sox. Little League home runs are always entertaining, and usually involve a certain level of ineptitude of the defense, but here the Red Sox elevated the poor defense to an art form. Everyone on defense messed up. Everyone. I've never seen a team field a defense full of designated hitters before. 

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The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers, 2022 Los Angeles Angels]

---The Los Angeles Angels---

Ohtani in a contract year. This was suppose to be the year the Angels pull out all the stops and finally get it together for a playoff push. And as usual, they start off alright and give hope. That hope is usually followed by a swift collapse. This year however they dragged out the hope to around the trade deadline. If this was a normal year where the Angels were out by July, they could've traded Ohtani and landed a serious haul for the future. Instead the Angels went all in and were buyers at the deadline.
Then the usual collapse happened. This time with added hilarity.
Trout got hurt (again) then they players they brought in turned into lemons. Then for added insult, Ohtani got hurt too (also again). The season wasn't over ear and he already cleaned out his locker, that doesn't bode well for any hope of retaining him when the free agency season begins. 

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The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY)]

---Buck Showalter of the New York Mets---

I alluded to Showalter's time with the Yankees earlier. It is not a unique time in his career. Buck can come in and make a bad team good, even good enough to reach the playoffs, but those teams will never be great, and eventually they will regress back to bad. The Yankees were terrible in the early 90s and Buck turned them into a Wild Card team, then the Yankees fired him and brought in Joe Torre and the rest is history. The Diamondbacks then made Showalter their first ever manager and he took an awful expansion team and turned them into division champs in 1999. Then they sucked again in 2000 and Buck got another pink slip. He worked the same magic years later with Baltimore and they'd even get him into his first ever Championship Series, but the Orioles regressed to terrible and he wouldn't be retained.
And now the Mets. He came, he took them from bad to good, failed in October, then they regressed back to bad and he got fired.
The teams may change, but Buck Showalter stays the same.

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The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus, 2022 Myles Straw (CLE)]

---Domingo German of the New York Yankees---

Crime: Being an Alcoholic
Time: GTFO

What a crazy year for German. He just barely edged out himself for this award as well, when he was ejected for not washing his hands after using the bathroom. He then went on to pitch a perfect game, but that won't be the most notable accomplishment in his career. Already with a major suspension in his career for domestic abuse, the Yankees shoved his ass onto the restricted list for going on a drunken rampage in the clubhouse. He may or may not have tried to punch Aaron Boone, but we'll let that slide since a majority of Yankees fans also want to punch Boone.

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The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU), 2022 Nelson Cruz (WAS)]

---Angel Hernandez---

I almost revived my umpire award for this one, but Angel Hernandez has been doing such a bad job as umpire that even Joe West is getting offended. just go to youtube and type his name in and you'll be buried with results from just this season of missed call after missed call. And of course the number of times a player freaks out at his bad calls and get the ejection because on top of being a terrible umpire, Angel Hernandez has no desire to be confronted when players call him out on being terrible. Hernandez needs to go.

Little Ghost - The Next Night

[Posted by Ted H]

NaNoWriMo 2022 was a crash n burn. How about an update on a more successful attempt from years passed?

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[Little Ghost - The Next Night]

Back at the underground shelter, there were a couple faces that weren't there last night already mingling with Mike, Jamal and Bill. They barely reacted to the arrivals as they were engrossed in their own activities. Kristina found it nice and uncomfortable at the same time. Just a day ago she was the wide-eyed newcomer that everyone wanted to help break in, now she seemed to be just another regular.

Mike was arguing about song lyrics with a skinny girl on a black and white striped hoodie that had sleeves that ran long to conceal her hands. He was back on top of the bunk like last night while the girl stood below him. She talked in a controlled, non-interested way to contrast Mike’s slowly escalating demeaner which at times even had him flail his arms around as he talked. The girl would crack the occasional smile and even said things intentionally wrong just to bring about the exaggerated reactions from Mike. Kristina couldn't help but laugh at how despite being around so long, Mike was forever locked into the psyche and oblivious mindset of an immature teenager.

The 2022 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards

[Posted by Ted H]

Holy crap, hey there! Where was I? Let's not talk about it. NaNoWriMo is coming and I'm fully committed to failing that again.

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[The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]

These are the awards you DON'T want to win.


The "Orioles Would Rather Play In This Division" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West, 2014 NL East, 2015 NL East, 2016 AL Central, 2017 NL East, 2018 AL Central, 2019 AL Central, 2021 NL East]

---The American League Central: Indians, Twins, White Sox, Tigers, Royals---

Most divisions this year were pretty competent, so the bar was higher. AL Central featured just one team above .500 while Cleveland was never really in much danger of losing own on the crown. Don’t lie to me and think that the White Sox actually stood a chance...

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The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, 2015 Seattle Mariners, 2016 Kansas City Royals, 2017 New York Mets, 2018 Washington Nationals, 2019 Boston Red Sox, 2021 Los Angelese Angels]

---The San Francisco Giants---

I get it when a team wins an ungodly number of games in one season, that a certain amount of regression is to be expected. But going from well over 100 wins to a sad .500 team is another thing entirely. The Giants were expected to compete and not be on the outside looking in come October. The Dodgers were on another level this year, so no one blames you for not winning the division, but to not even crack a wild card spot when the playoffs have been expended to accommodate almost half the league is inexcusable in a one-year turnaround.

I know I correctly predicted that they’d regress to the mean this season, but 81-81 is below the mean and drilling to rock bottom.

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The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros]

---Tim Anderson of the Chicago White Sox---

The dude previously compared himself to Jackie Robinson. That alone warrants a lifetime achievement award in this category. I should rename the award to the “Tim Anderson kind of retarded” award.
But it gets better. Every time someone crosses Anderson now, he cried bigotry and racism as why someone would call him out. Anderson is an overrated player who gets promoted because of woke politics and not ability, and he really needs to shut his God damn mouth before someone beans him with a pitch to the head or runs him over on the bases. He’ll deserve either punishment.

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The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals, 2021 San Francisco Giants]

---The Tampa Bay Rays---

I feel bad here. The Rays are on a downward trend. The AL East this year was beastly (except the Red Sox) and the Rays hung in there. They managed to make the playoffs, but everyone knew they weren’t going anywhere. However, people see the Rays come up short year after year but they’re hypnotized into thinking that Tampa Bay will just flip the switch the next season and run away with the division.
No, that’s not happening. The Rays are cooked. The Yankees are the Yankees and the Blue Jays are gonna outgrow their rookies' mistakes...and now the Orioles are threatening.

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The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays, 2021 Cincinnati Reds]

---The Cincinnati Reds---

Well, I swung and missed last year with this prediction, so let’s double down! The Reds started off putrid to start the season, so the fact that they only lost 100 games this year is a testament to how they tried to rebound. Will they turn it around next season to threaten the playoffs? I’m not too sure on that, but of all the cellar dwelling teams this year, I feel the Reds can improve most of them all. They certainly can’t get worse.

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The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates]

---The Oakland A’s---

I’m convinced that the A’s are just stalling for their move out of Oakland and into whatever new city that they can get, be it Vegas or wherever. Until then the organization certainly doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to get out of last place.

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The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA), 2021 Pittsburgh Pirates]

---The Entire Detroit Tigers Defense---

Man, oh man, both teams are pretty special (ed) in this situation. The Twins try to run themselves into outs while the Tigers just plain forget how to baseball. Two bad teams always seem to entertain as much as two great teams. Here’s a less insulting breakdown.

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The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA), 2021 Pitchers]

---The Los Angeles Angels---

Quick, name one player of note from the 2003-2004 Twins not named Santana. Aside from Twins fans, you likely failed. Santana was the only Twin that mattered back then, because he won all the damn time and single handedly won the AL Central every season. Sure, the Twins were usually bounced right away, but Santana won the games he pitched. The Twins weren’t good at all, but Johan was so good that he pushed his team into October all on his own.
So spare me your excuses when the Angels feature Trout and Ohtani and still can’t even sniff the playoffs. Once in a while, sure, but year after year of failure is a different story. Both are apparently “once in a generation” talent, and yet they still can’t win when it matters. The age-old excuse “Well, Trout can’t do it all by himself!” turned into “Well Trout and Ohtani can’t do it all by themselves!” How many more “Once in a generation” talents do this franchise need before they stop sucking? Or perhaps, Trout and Ohtani are a bit overrated.

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The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), 2015 Matt Williams (WAS), 2016 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2017 Brad Ausmus (DET), 2018 Kevin Cash (TB), 2019 Aaron Boone (NYY), 2021 Aaron Boone (NYY)]

---Joe Girardi of the Philadelphia Phillies---

Girardi has to feel pretty low. He gets fired from an underachieving Phillies team, and his replacement looks like Bob Lemon from 1978, leads the Phillies on a comeback and sneaks into the playoffs. Not the first time something like this has happened to a manager, but Girardi went back to guest spotting on MLB Network, where he can give live analysis of his former team winning without him. On one hand, who better to give commentary of the Phillies than their former manager...but on the other hand, what better way to be embarrassed than by having to talk about how much better your old team is without you.

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The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD), 2021 Coronavirus]

---Myles Straw or the Cleveland Indians---

Crime: Attempting to climb into the stands to go after a fan
Time: “You’re a pussy!”

I take you back to a weekend game in Yankee Stadium. Yankees trail the Indians (I will not acknowledge a woke name change) by a run when NY rallies late, capped off with a drive deep to left that the left fielder can’t handle, blow the play and lets tha Yankees tie and eventually win the game. In the moment, Yankee fans in left properly jeer the opposing player for running into a wall and blowing the game. Myles Straw takes exception and climbs the wall to yell at the fans. He is properly greeted with more jeers and an awesome bit of sign language trash talking that slipped passed the censors.
And if you think Yankee fans aren’t smart, then you don’t know Yankee fans. Come ALDS time, fans serenaded Straw from the stands with the verbal translation of what that fan hand signaled to him.

May he never outlive this.

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The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL), 2021 Justin Verlander (HOU)]

---Nelson Cruz of the Washington Nationals---

2022 was a disaster for the Nationals, and Nelson Cruz was part of the problem. His power is gone and he never had any defensive usefulness. The Nats bought out his contract and he needs to take the hint.

Just Don't Say It

[Posted by Ted H]

Not sure if this one was ever posted here before. Since I lack any content anyway, might as well post it now...Been a while since I shot a real poem anyway...

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[Just Don't Say It]

One might make you happy
But the other will have you sigh
Run with who gets you soaring
Yet never lets you fly
But just don't say it, since it wouldn't be right.

And ask me why I'm wondering
We never seek what we find
I'll likely respond by musing
The universe was never so kind
But just don't say it, since you can't stand to fight.

Another will keep me secret
She didn't want the show
Check behind the façade
That she didn't want someone to know
But just don't say it, since it's still not alright.

Everything that you wanted
Sadly, I missed the hype.
Everything that I wanted
Too bad I was never your type
But just don't say it, since I'm lacking the sight.

And when I find my graveyard
One day when we're old
You should take a glance at the wall
Read the writing I wasn't told
But just don't say it, since it won't be alright.

Just don't say it, when we've both said goodnight.

Blood Friar - Confession

 [Posted by Ted H]

Oh, hi there. Been a while, eh? Career change and a wealth of other personal events all got in the way after the decent start I had to the year. This will be post #10 of 2021, making it only the 2nd year in the last five that I've managed to hit double digits. And seeing as how most of my updates were from the first few months, it's very disappointing to end the year on such a cold streak. I want to do better in 2022, but that requires more stability on my part. I'll work on it. In the meantime, lemme try to bust out some Blood Friar while trying to return an eye to older projects that kind of fell by the wayside.

NaNoWriMo 2022 was a disaster as usual. Promising start, but my aforementioned lack of stability got int he way of any regular writing time I could carve out.

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[Blood Friar - Confession]



Father Drew glossed through his bible almost in a daze. It was nearing midnight and he was longing for bed, but he remained in his confessional booth awaiting anyone who needed him. It wasn’t common, but some weekends would bring a late-night sinner seeking to ease a burden. Even if one person a month managed to find their way to him to confide in, then he would willingly stand guard through all those otherwise quiet nights.

Tonight, however, was more of a grind for Father Drew. The week had been long and the current night had a certain weight to it that draped over everything. He tried perusing one of his favorite books in the bible, Job, to keep himself entertained. He was considering how to incorporate Job into his next homily when he heard the heavy doors at the front of the church open and shut quickly. He shut his bible and waited. He had heard enough late confessions to identify someone based on how they sounded as they walked through the empty church.

The echo of light taps quickly working their way down an aisle told Father Drew that it was a woman in a hurry. Before long the door on the other side of the privacy barrier open and someone sit down. “Good evening,” Father Drew greeted. The woman said nothing, but her heavy and nervous breathing was apparent. “Take your time,” he comforted. He recalled a time when a young man took over ten minutes to collect himself before being able to confess an otherwise negligible sin.

“Forgive me, father...for I have sinned,” the woman finally began. She sounded rather young, but no child. “It has been...I don’t know, years since my last...I’m sorry...”

“It is fine,” Father Drew stopped her “Do not worry about the length of time. The fact that you’re here now is enough for God.” The woman didn’t respond. Father Drew heard her rummage in her purse. He figured nerves were at play. “What weighs on your soul, my child?” he asked.

A few moments passed. The sounds of rummaging in the purse continued until she must have found what she was looking for, allowing silence to take over. “I was there...” she finally started “At the massacre.”

“The...massacre?” Father Drew asked, not liking what she might be implying.

“St. Mercy,” the woman simply responded.

“Oh, my,” Father Drew breathed. He wasn’t sure if any students from the school remained locally after all these years. “It was a tragedy,” he was able to muster “But despite the horrors of that fateful day, you must not forget that the Lord was with you even then, and understands the pain you and your classmates endured. You are not alone.”

“God wasn’t there that night,” she said bitterly.

“Night?” That didn’t make sense. The shooting happened in the early morning.

“That monster...I see it in my mind even now.”

“Have you sought therapy like other students have?” Father Drew suggested. He felt she needed the support of peers from that day more than guidance from a servant of God.

“There is no therapy for this. I see him in my mind...as I sleep. Always...demanding...”

“What can the Lord do to help ease this burden? How may I assist?” He dealt with survivor's guilt before. Not under the same circumstances as the girl, but he was determined to try whatever it took to help her.

“I need forgiveness...”

“It is not a sin to have happened to survive a shooting, child.” Reassurance. He needed to get through to her that he was the friend she needed.

“No!” she cried out. He was getting worried at how unsteady her voice had become. It was subtle at first, but now she seemed to be on the brink of weeping. He quickly racked his brain for a way to calm her down.

“I need to be forgiven for the life that I am taking.”

“Whose life?”

“Please, I’m so sorry. I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Be strong!” Father Drew urged. He quickly wondered if any of the nuns were about in the convent. Perhaps one of them were close enough to yell for. Something about the woman’s voice screamed finality about what she was suggesting.

“It’s all I see and all I hear,” the woman said between soft sobs “I’m so sorry.”

“Just-” Father Drew attempted to plead.

“It wants blood,” she spoke with frightening clarity.

“What?”

“Blood,” she said again. “Blood,” a final time, deeper and muffled. She had placed something into her mouth that was obstructing clarity. Father Drew had pushed aside the privacy barrier just in time to see the woman pull the trigger of a gun in her mouth and spray the remnants of the back of her head all over the wall behind her.

NaNoWriMo 2021

 [Posted by Ted H]

 And the hopeless struggle returns for yet another go!

This year I'm bringing in the always reliable James Blake for another paranormal bloodbath called "Blood Friar" details to follow as the story gets written. I'm raring to go to get this beast started.

Just for fun, with there being a bunch of Blake stories, here's a fun timeline...

-[unpublished backstory that gets talked over in Demons Ascension]
-That One Night [Not a Blake story, but takes place in the universe]
-Demons Ascension
-Witches Shadow
-Pure Human
-Vampires of Pittsburgh
-Blood Friar

I bring that up because while Vampires of Pittsburgh is unfinished, certain characters and organizations are introduced in that story that will become reoccurring in Blood Friar. Not major players, but they'll be referenced.

The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards

[Posted by Ted H]

Well that was quite a vacation. Don't worry, NaNoWriMo is coming.


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[The 2021 MLB Turtle-Wax Awards]

These are the awards you DON'T want to win.



The "Orioles Would Rather Play In This Division" Award
Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
[Previous winners: 2009 AL Central, 2010 AL West, 2011 AL Central, 2012 AL Central, 2013 AL West, 2014 NL East, 2015 NL East, 2016 AL Central, 2017 NL East, 2018 AL Central, 2019 AL Central]


---The National League East: Braves, Mets, Phillies, Marlins, Nationals---

 
In a year where the Dodgers win 106 games and have to settle for the wild card, it seems criminal that a team can win just 88 games and not only win a division but also not have to play the best team in the league in the Division Series. The Braves won their division while both NL wild card teams had better records. Meanwhile in the AL, the Blue Jays and Mariners missed the playoffs entirely yet would have easily displaced the Braves.

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The "Steroid Accusation Rookie of The Year" Award
Awarded to the slugger who is probably gonna get accused of steroids next, if not already
(I am NOT accusing the winner of steroids, just sayin...)
[Previous winners: 2009 Aaron Hill (TOR), 2010 Corey Hart (MIL), 2011 Jacoby Ellsbury (BOS), 2012 Edwin Encarnacion (TOR), 2013 Chris Davis (BAL), 2014 Victor Martinez (DET), 2015 Nolan Arenado (COL), 2016 Brian Dozier (MIN), 2017 Justin Smoak (TOR), 2018 Christian Yelich (MIL), 2019 Baseballs]


---Award Cancelled---

MLB keeps messing with the baseballs so now anyone can go deep it seems. After 2019’s award, it seemed fitting to call it.

--------------

The "What the Hell Happened to You?" Award
Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were supposed to be contenders
[Previous winners: 2009 New York Mets, 2010 Seattle Mariners, 2011 Cincinnati Reds, 2012 Miami Marlins, 2013 California Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, 2014 Milwaukee Brewers, 2015 Seattle Mariners, 2016 Kansas City Royals, 2017 New York Mets, 2018 Washington Nationals, 2019 Boston Red Sox]


---Los Angeles Angels---


I am so sick of hearing about “Just! How! Amazing!” Mike Trout and Shohei Ohtani are...but then they once again can’t even sniff the postseason. Every season I have to hear about how this team supposedly made strides and will compete for at least a wild card slot. I will continue to make fun of this crappy franchise/players until they finally see October. Ohtani will probably be hurt (again) by then and Trout will stink up the joint (like the only other time he made the playoffs in his career) but for the love of God, if you’re gonna shower those two bums with undue praise, at least have them lead this sorry team to the playoffs one time. Does MLB have to introduce an even more bloated playoff format to finally get this team in?

----------

The "Shut Your God Damn Mouth" Award
Awarded to whoever talked too much without backing it up
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago Cubs, 2010 MLB Network, 2011 Carlos Zambrano (CHC), 2012 Boston Red Sox, 2013 Jordany Valdespin (NYM), 2014 Keith Olberman (ESPN), 2015 Boston Red Sox, 2016 Boston Red Sox fans, 2017 Yasiel Puig (LAD), 2018 San Francisco Giants, 2019 Brodie Van Wagenen (NYM), 2020 Houston Astros]


---The New York Mets---


I know you’re in New York and you’ve got the Yankees to compete with, but let’s not try to bad mouth the few fans in the city you already have. OK guys? At this rate even the ones that come to boo you won’t show up and then Citi Field will be as empty as every Rays home game.

-----------------

The "This Years Miracle, Next Years Indians" Award
Awarded to the team that made a surprise playoff run this year, and will fall short next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Colorado Rockies, 2010 Tampa Bay Rays, 2011 Tampa Bay Rays, 2012 Baltimore Orioles, 2013 Cleveland Indians, 2014 Kansas City Royals, 2015 Houston Astros, 2016 Cleveland Indians, 2017 Minnesota Twins, 2018 Oakland Athletics, 2019 St Louis Cardinals]


---San Francisco Giants---


Out of nowhere the Giants came by storm and took home the leagues best record and the NL West. Sure, it all fell apart in a thrilling NLDS, but that doesn’t mean the Giants aren’t for real going forward, right?

Yes, that’s exactly what it means. They might compete next year, sure, but not nearly at this level. They wildly outperformed expectations this season and they’ll regress to the mean next year.

-----------------------

The "This Years Phillies, Next Years Miracle" Award
Awarded to a team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
[Previous winners: 2009 Chicago White Sox, 2010 Chicago White Sox, 2011 Washington Nationals, 2012 Seattle Mariners, 2013 New York Yankees, 2014 Chicago Cubs, 2015 Detroit Tigers, 2016 New York Yankees, 2017 San Francisco Giants, 2018 Philadelphia Phillies, 2019 Toronto Blue Jays]


---The Cincinnati Reds---


More or less a nonfactor this year, Cincy made strides quietly and are poised to make a run of a not so closed off NL Central. The Cardinals needed a legendary winning streak to make the final playoff spot this year, so one or two appropriate additions can put the Reds into contention for sure next season.

-----------------------

The "AAA Team In Disguise" Award
Awarded to a team that might have better luck in AAA
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nationals, 2010 Pittsburgh Pirates, 2011 Boston Red Sox, 2012 Houston Astros, 2013 Miami Marlins, 2014 Texas Rangers, 2015 Philadelphia Phillies, 2016 Minnesota Twins, 2017 Detroit Tigers, 2018 Miami Marlins, 2019 Detroit Tigers, 2020 Pittsburgh Pirates]


---The Pittsburgh Pirates---


Yes, some teams lost more this season, but while the Diamondbacks had to contend in a division with two different 105+ win teams and the Orioles had to deal with FOUR playoff caliber teams, the Pirates were just lousy. And for reasons that’ll be highlighted soon, they lack basic fundamentals. Pirates baseball is going nowhere fast...

-------------------------

The "Dull Knife in the Drawer" Award
Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
[Previous winners: 2009 Washington Nati(o)nals, 2010 Barak Obama, 2011 Brian Sabean (SF), 2012 Derek Norris (OAK), 2013 Mark Pagnozzi (HOU), 2014 Michael Pineda (NYY), 2015 Arte Moreno (LAA), 2016 Buster Posey (SFG), David Price (BOS), 2018 Gary Sanchez (NYY), 2019 Brandon Drury/Teoscar Hernandez (TOR), 2020 Jo Adell (LAA)]


---The Entire Pittsburgh Pirates Defense---


Oh Lord, this play will go down in history. Pittsburgh based “Urinating Tree” puts it perfectly here.
Matt Antonelli puts it a bit more eloquently.

--------------------------

The "Results May Vary" Award
Awarded to a player/team that didn't live up to the hype
[Previous winners: 2010 Stephen Strasburg (WAS), 2011 Carl Crawford (BOS), 2012 Los Angeles Dodgers, 2013 Toronto Blue Jays, 2014 Boston Red Sox, 2015 Robinson Cano (SEA), 2016 San Diego Padres, 2017 Eric Thames (MIL), 2018 Shohei Ohtani (LAA), 2019 Bryce Harper (PHI), 2020 Mike Trout (LAA)]


---Every Pitcher in Baseball---


So, baseball has a “sticky stuff” issue when it comes to its pitchers. As elaborated before, a bit of the sticky stuff to help command and keep fastballs from going errant into a batters head isn’t a horrible thing. But baseball outright banned the stuff and suddenly we’re back to a previous issue. Now all pitchers seem to be lacking a bit and hitters are enjoying a field day at the plate. Remember when home runs were getting out of hand and you swore it had nothing to do with how the baseballs were made?

It seemed like a nice little compromise. Let pitchers cheat just a little so no one has to admit that the balls are doctored in favor of home runs and more offense. But now that you won’t let pitchers have their slight edge, what can be done about the rampant home run gluttony that follows that you tried to explain away last time? Just fix the damn baseballs already!

-----------------------

The "Ozzie Kind of Crazy" Award
Awarded to the manager who had the most entertaining season to watch
[Previous winners: 2012 Bobby Valentine (BOS), 2013 Joe Girardi (NYY), 2014 Kirk Gibson (ARI), Matt Williams (WAS), Joe Girardi (NYY), Brad Ausmus (DET), Kevin Cash (TB)]


---Aaron Boone of the New York Yankees---


Managing in the Bronx used to come with a volatile owner with a short fuse for field managers, so Boone might be shocked to find that he’s the first Yankees manager in a long time to hang around long enough for the fans to get tired of his act long before management apparently. The fans loved Torre (winning 5 titles will do that) and while Girardi had his critics, he also had his supporters (and a title of his own) Boone has no titles and many fans already assume he doesn’t even make decisions on his own. The entertainment that comes with Boone is merely in watching him try to justify decision that clearly aren’t his own in regards to players he’s partially afraid to criticize otherwise.

George Steinbrenner would have long ago fired Boone and traded away half of those analytics darling players.

---------------------

The "Go Stand in the Corner!" Award
Awarded to the most standout suspension of the season
[Previous winners: 2013 Ryan Braun (MIL), 2014 Alex Rodriguez (NYY), 2015 Jonathan Papelbon (WAS), 2016 Rougned Odor (TEX), 2017 Austin Romine (NYY), 2018 Ken Giles (HOU), 2019 Clint Fraizer (NYY), 2020 Joe Kelly (LAD)]


---Anyone Suspended from the Coronavirus Rule---


Crime: Stepping onto the field and potentially getting someone sick with a virus that has a >99% survive rate
Time: Wait, what?


I guess brawls are a bad look for baseball, but the fans love it. But MLB announced that there would be penalties for players who enter the field during certain altercations...I guess that’s to limit the spread, but it’s stupid. These are the same people stepping onto the field during the game anyway. It makes no sense, but then again, no rules created for the WuFlu make any sense.

----------------------

The "Just Retire Already!" Award
Awarded to the player on the wrong side of their prime
[Previous winner: 2015 Bartolo Colon (NYM), 2016 Alex Rodriguez (FA), 2017 Bartolo Colon (MIN), 2018 Felix Hernandez (SEA), 2019 Chris Davis (BAL)]


---Justin Verlander of the Houston Astros---


Tommy John Surgery ruined any hope of 2021 for the 38 year old starter. Some guys come back from Tommy John...but Verlander isn’t quite young enough to redefine his pitching style. And he still hasn’t ruled out hanging up his cleats. TJ takes roughly a year just to get back on a mound, let alone pitch with authority.

Little Ghost - Mall Watching

[Posted by Ted H]

New day job brings crazy hours. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

-------------------------------------------------------

[Little Ghost - Mall Watching]

They never found the right guy, and Starbucks was slow that morning, so they ended up at the mall sooner than they thought and watched the old people doing their laps before the stores opened. They sat on one of the benches by an exit where the elderly shuffled their way passed. There they remained, at times talking about random things of no consequence, other times remaining silent, and other times going into elaborate anecdotes from their lives whenever someone walked by that reminded them of something interesting.

Sometimes someone would wander by to sit on their bench, and they’d oblige even if the person wouldn’t be affected by them remaining. They’d make a game out of having a one-sided conversation with the people sitting on their bench until they finally left for one reason or another. They stayed until the sun set and darkness reigned outside once more, finally leaving when the mall stores began to close up and there were no more mall goers to watch and comment on. Kristina found the whole day cathartic. She had a chance to decompress her mind from everything that had transpired onto her in the last 24 hours.

As they walked through the Saturday night streets, and the late-night college student crowd as they bar hopped, Kristina let Ricky lead her in the direction she felt the fallout shelter was. “Were you scared?” she asked when they finally got away from the crowds. Ricky was in the middle of some thought when he looked to Kristina and apologized for not hearing her.

“When you died. Were you scared?” she asked again “I was terrified as it happened.”

“I was lucky,” Ricky said “I was high as hell so I didn’t realize I was dead. At first, I thought I was having an out of body experience. I mean don’t get me wrong, I was freaking out after the fact, but I guess I was lucky that I wasn’t aware of my death until it had already happened. How are you feeling now that you’ve had a day as one of us?”

Kristina paused a moment. “There’s no getting used to this, is there?

“Yeah,” Ricky said with a smile “What we are, it ain’t natural. That's what someone told me when I was in your shoes.”

Little Ghost - We're All Bad Guys

[Posted by Ted H]

My little side project has become as obsessive as it's name suggests. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my first obsession...

-------------------------------------------------------------

[Little Ghost - We're All Bad Guys]

“Oh, well, I was just curious,” Kristina said, not looking to verify that there was indeed someone that stupid that they’d reject going to Heaven. Her plan now was so stop talking and avoid attention, perhaps get Jamal and Mike to start arguing again, anything if it meant avoiding scrutiny. Her hopes were short lived, however.

“So,” Cheryl said as she clasped her hands together and rested her face against them “What was it that clinched your fate?”

“Hmm?” Kristina hummed, unsure what the question was.

“Your unspeakable sin,” Cheryl elaborated “Your irredeemable crime. What action did you do that was so heinous that it merited instant rejection from the pearly gates?”

“Oh, well...” Kristina trailed off. If she could sweat, she figured it would be pouring down in buckets right now. She wondered how effective she could play dumb to these people, or if it were easier to lie outright. What could she think of on the spot?

“What makes you think I’ve done anything wrong in life?” she blurted out “I’m innocent, I swear,” she forced a smile for effect, getting a laugh from Sammy, but not satisfying Cheryl. The woman shrugged one shoulder and kept her eyes on Kristina. Did she know? Was Kristina making it too obvious? Was the joke a bad idea and now they’ll see right through her?

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed,” Ricky assured her “We’re all bad guys here!”

Little Ghost - Orientation

 [Posted by Ted H]

Situations at my day job have kinda taken center stage, but I'll still try to churn out some updates here...I've got some backlog remaining for LG before I have to worry about writing new stuff, though I'd love to sit down one of these nights and power out something...

Help might be on the way in the near future though...stand by...

----------------------------------------------------

[Little Ghost - Orientation]


“Kristina!” Clifford called from the back. The other ghosts occupied themselves in their conversation while Kristina approached Bill and Clifford. “Don’t freak out,” Clifford said “We’re all safe here.” Kristina nodded slowly, not sure what was happening. “This is Bill,” Clifford continued “He’s a Reaper.”

“In a room full of ghosts? Are you sure?” Kristina said.

“Yeah,” Bill said “Not all Reapers are the same. I’m a regular kind. The scary kind the others are talking about are known as Hunter Reapers, or Predator Reapers. It depends on where you are. Some regions have their own variation for the title.”

“I don’t understand. What’s the difference?”

“You’ll know a Hunter when you see one. Trust me.”

“This is a lot to take in.”

“We figured,” Clifford said “It’s time we give you a proper orientation.”

“Well, I got my new name figured out, apparently. Is that part of my orientation?”

“Meh, I guess,” Clifford said “But let’s start simple. You are a ghost, officially known as a runaway.”

“Oh God, there’s classifications of ghosts too?”

“Sure. Three types. Temps, Waiting and Runaways,” Clifford explained “Temps are ghosts just long enough to find out they're dead. Then a Reaper will send them off to their final reward.”


“Like a ray of light in the sky taking you to Heaven?” Kristina asked, a sickening sense of dread surrounding her.

Little Ghost - Kristina Car Crash

[Posted by Ted H]

Either I neglected it for the last few years, or I did it and forgot all about it, but last week I make sure to get the "Pure Human" collection post set up and added it to the header with the other complete works.

Also, this makes 4 updates in 2021, already halfway to what I was able to accomplish all of last year. Seems that my new years resolution is working out...

-------------------------------------------------

[Little Ghost - Kristina Car Crash]

They entered the back yard of a one-story ranch house. It was a small yard with a garden in the corner and a blacktop half court with a basketball hoop on the far side. The trio stopped short of the court. “Just so you know, there’s a stairway of sorts here,” Clifford said “Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean you won’t drop down when you reach it.”


Kristina gave a small laugh. “Oh, don’t worry,” she said “I’m aware of a whole bunch of rules that I can’t understand!” Clifford pondered what she just said, then gave up after a few seconds and shook his head. “Let’s have mister expert over here go first,” he said as he referenced a smiling Sammy. “Sure,” Sammy said as he stepped forward “We wouldn’t want anyone to fall and break their leg.”


“That was the first time, and you lied to me where the drop was,” Clifford chided.


“It’s still freakin hilarious when a ghost cries out ‘Oh God I’ll break my leg!’ as he flails his arms in the air!” Sammy said with a laugh.


“So, what staircase?” Kristina finally asked.


“Just watch, honey,” Sammy said as he walked a few feet onto the court, then began descending into the pavement as if he were traversing stairs. “Right this way,” Clifford said as he followed. Kristina stuck close as Clifford disappeared into the basketball court. She lightly put her foot where both men began to drop and found her foot went right through like the court was merely an illusion. She crept her way down until only her head remained above ground.

Pure Human

Pure Human
by: Ted H

James Blake and his partner head to Albany to investigate the scene of a grisly attack on a family. Blake must find the paranormal origin to the creatures that slay in the night before the world is overrun with more. But with the signs of the origin all pointing away from the supernatural, just where does the line between human and monster lie?

-2015 National Novel Writing Month Winner

Ungodly Hour

Illusion Breaker

Look Into It

Day Drinking

Dream

Ninja

To Albany

Time Stop

Eating

Magdalena

She Must Work Out

It Came in Through the Woods

When You Dream

Reaper at Work

Nurse Gossip

Dog Hunt

I Think I Found Fido

Embrace Eternity

Breakfast at Anin's

Apples

Common Sense

Charming

Clyde vs Whitey

Who Dat Is?

Couples Counseling

Big Men on Campus

Impure

Dr. Watterson

The Melrose Theory

Attempted Arson

Shadow Caster

Pecking Order

Dead on a Mountain

Doing a Thing

To the Gas Station

Born from Nightmares

Go Time

Trick Plays

One Problem at a Time

Let Me In

Be Gone

Ethics and Morals

Closure

Little Ghost - Others

[Posted by Ted H]

Yeah, 2021 is just more of the same from 2020.
Same year, new, even worse flavor.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Little Ghost - Others]

She ran and ran and ran, not tiring one bit and too scared to stop. Charles would be on her if she stopped even for a second, or at least that was her belief as she ran. Without a sound, someone ran past her. Kristina sounded a desperate wail as she halted and was about to change directions when it registered in her mind that it was someone else and not Charles. A second figure, also not Charles went by after that and Kristina watched as they sprinted away until the second figure looked back and saw her standing, then called for his companion to stop.


Both males jogged back to Kristina while their eyes darted around. “Can they see me?” Kristina said to herself. “Why’d you stop?” the first man said. “Ummm...” Kristina tried to answer before the second man broke in “I don’t see anything. I told you it was probably a false alarm.”


“I wasn’t taking no chances,” the first man snapped back, then looked to Kristina “You gave us a scare, lady,” he said as he cracked a relieved smile.


“You can...” Kristina found herself at a loss for words “You can see me?” she finally asked.


“Sure as shit,” the man responded as he looked to his companion.


“We obviously see you,” the second added “We saw you running first, remember?”


“I ain’t ever see her before. You think she’s new?”


“Oh yeah, definitely new.”

Little Ghost - Charles

[Posted by Ted H]

Today is January 17, 2021....Or December 48, 2020? Based on how the world still is, I don't think we're out of the woods yet...

...Also check out my new side project, MLB Showdown Obsession, if an obscure and defunct trading card game interests you...

----------------------------------------------------

[Little Ghost - Charles]


It took longer than she thought it would, and more than once she got caught up wandering into the maternity ward looking at babies, but Kristina eventually found her way to the ICU where she hoped Ryan was. She came across various people in conditions ranging from near death to recovering from surgery. Many different people, but no 20-year-old males from a car crash. Just to be sure, she doubled back to every room on the floor, but no luck. Eventually she gave up when she realized she was entering her third lap through the same rooms.

The room she was in belonged to an elderly woman hooked up to oxygen. Her breathing was labored but her sleep was sound. Kristina approached her bedside slowly, not wanting to disturb her before she realized she wouldn’t be able to anyway. She watched the old woman sleep, heartbroken at this lonely woman alone and slowly dying, but then jealous.

This woman had her life. She lived. She married. She had children. She had grandchildren. When the next day comes, that family will likely be here by her side again. Then back again the next day. And every day. Every day until the end. She’ll die surrounded by loved ones. People who care. She won’t die in an ambulance. She won’t die with a stranger fruitlessly trying to save her. She won’t die young with an entire life stolen away from her. 

Little Ghost - Automatic Doors

[Posted by Ted H]

Fission Mailed on NaNoWriMo word count. Not surprising, but the whole point of this year was to get back in the saddle and fire up a new project. I'm gonna see how much mileage I can get out of LG while still finding time to continue my 3rd Blake novel.

And I'm starting a new side blog that has nothing to do with writing...Advertising on the side (or wherever here there's room) coming soon.

Also a friend of mine is trying to start an epic of his own. Should I give him space here to get the writing out into the world? YOU BET YOUR ASS I WILL!

----------------------------------------------------------------

[Little Ghost - Automatic Doors]


“That’s not me!” Kristina bellowed as she collapsed to the ground, grabbing both arms and sobbing to herself, but no tears flowed. “Kristina,” the man tried to address her, but she wasn’t having any of it. “That’s not me!” she repeated “Look at her! That can’t be me!” She wasn’t sure she could muster any other words from her mouth. She wanted to say something else to make her case, but the same three words came to mind every time. “That’s not me!” she reiterated.

The man put his hands up and backed to the wall away from both Kristina and her body. “Whenever you’re ready to get over your shock and move this conversation along,” he said as he folded his arms and leaned back. Kristina stayed where she was on the ground, eyes frozen open and unable to look away from the body. She hoped it would wake up, silently begged for it to get up.

Time passed. Hours, maybe days. Perhaps weeks. Time no longer had meaning for Kristina. All she could do was look to her own body-no! Not her own body. That imposter was not her. She wanted this fake to wake up so she could demand to know why she did her face up to look so similar. She wasn’t going anywhere until she got answers. And if that man was waiting for her to cooperate with whatever game he was playing, then Kristina was going to make sure he would wait every second possible.

The door swung open and a young man in scrubs shuffled in with a stack of folders in one hand and a coffee in the other. He was browsing a paper on top of the folders in his hand until he noticed the body on the table and tilted his head at it. He hastily looked around the room, seeing neither Kristina nor the man, and stuffed his folder stack under his coffee arm and used his free hand to replace the sheet over the corpse’s face. He then placed the folders on the nearby desk and headed back out the door, taking a quick moment before he left to look around the room one more time with an uncomfortable look on his face.

“He couldn’t see me either,” Kristina remarked.

“Can’t be surprising to yet at this point,” the man responded.

“He didn’t see you either,” Kristina said, finally looking at something that wasn’t her own body or someone interacting with it.

“Well, I can be unseen when I want to be. Makes my job easier.”

A new worry flooded Kristina’s mind. “What are you?” she finally asked.

“Oh, you’re finally curious about me as opposed to yourself?” the man said with a hint of sarcasm. He walked over to her in what appeared to be a rehearsed introduction. “I am a Reaper,” he said and was about to add more to that, but Kristina wasn’t interested. She was already bolting back out the door, much to the surprise of the man who obviously wasn’t prepared for that as his protest of “Oh, c’mon!” followed her as she ran.

She could barely wrap her mind around the concept that she might, MIGHT be dead, but the idea that the man was a reaper was something she was not ready to test. She sprinted through the door, this time thinking nothing about how she could phase right through it, and down the hall and back for the elevators. She wasn’t sure if the elevator was on her floor, and her attempt to hit the call button resulted in her finger phasing right through the wall, so instead she headed for the stairwell.

Phasing through another door and she headed up, the only direction available. Her breathing was frantic, made worse by the notion that she probably didn’t even need to breathe, plus the fact that this was the most she’s ever run in a long time and not only was she not winded in the slightest, but there wasn’t a bead of sweat from the effort. She used to sweat just watching other people run, and the fact that she now had unlimited stamina at the cost of her life was yet another nagging contributor to her current full-blown freak out.

She was running too much to stop and read the signs for the exit, not that her mind was in any condition to try that, not with a reaper running around looking for her. After getting more than a little lost and running in circles at times on what she was sure was the ground floor, a realization hit her. She didn’t have to play by the rules of a physical world. She picked a direction and started walking right through the walls until, sure enough, she walked right out and into the main lobby.

Judging by the darkness outside the glass doors, it was still night out, and the lobby was quiet save for the receptionist at the desk playing around with her cell phone. Kristina walked right up to the desk and got right in the woman’s face. Not a hint of notice until she suddenly looked up from the phone and her eyes darted around the lobby. Kristina was taken aback but pleasantly surprised. “Can you see me? At all?” she asked, but the woman said nothing as she quizzically looked around before shrugging and returning to her phone.

Kristina sighed then resumed her escape by walking for the door. The automatic sensor triggered and the doors slid open, letting in the warm summer breeze. The receptionist glanced up briefly but otherwise didn’t react. Kristina stepped back and let the doors slide shut. The sensor noticed her, and the first actual interaction with the world around her excited her more than it should, and definitely calmed her frazzled mind a little. Then an idea popped into mind.

She stepped forward again and triggered the doors. The receptionist again looked up, this time with a bit of concern in her eyes. A sly smile crept across Kristina’s face as she stepped back and let the doors start to slide close again before jumping forward again and making the doors fly back open. The receptionist dropped her phone and bolted up in her seat. “Hello?” she meekly asked.

As entertaining as this was becoming, Kristina had to refocus on her escape. With the doors still open, she dashed out into the world, vowing never to step foot in another hospital ever again. Relief swept through her when she instantly recognized where she was. The name of the hospital eluded her, but the building itself was something she had driven passed countless times. She had her bearings, and was now confident she could get home.

“Took a minute, eh?” an all too familiar voice sounded from the shadows “That’s ok, took me a while to navigate that maze my first time too.”

“No!” Kristina shouted as she spun around, looking wildly for where the man was.

“Calm down!” the man said with his hands raised as he approached from where he had ducked by the entrance “Listen, I’m not the bad scary Reaper like you know from your culture.”

“Oh, so you’re the cheery fun-loving kind I’ve never heard of before,” Kristina responded sarcastically while keeping her distance.

“Look, let’s just...Start over, ok? Hi, Kristina, my name’s Bob.”

“Bob...” Kristina responded while remaining skeptical and distance.

“Yes,” Bob responded “You died, unfortunately, and I’m very sorry. And now you’re running around as a spirit. It’s my job to help you move on beyond this plane of existence.

“What do you mean?”

“No, it’s good news. There are two options, and they don’t send me for people going to Hell.”

“How can I trust you?”

“Well, if you were slated for Hell, there’d be no need to explain things to you. You’d already be on your way down.”

The logic seemed sound to Kristina, but it didn’t comfort her. Bob confirming her death, however needless in light of all previous evidence, was the straw that broke the camel's back for her. She aimlessly walked towards the curb and took a seat and placed her head in her hands. Bob stood silently behind her while she collected her thoughts.

“I don’t wanna die,” she said in such a whisper she wondered if Bob even heard her.

“I don’t make those calls,” Bob responded.

“Whose call is it?” Kristina demanded.

“Yours,” Bob said after a moment “Free will. Humans decide their own fate. When that fate leads to ones demise, us Reapers are called in to collect the soul and usher it to its ultimate fate.”

“You knew I was going to die?”

“I got the notification after you were already dying.”

“Who notifies you?”

“Now we’re talking about things beyond your understanding, even if you weren’t reeling from tonight’s events.”

Kristina sighed, wanting to cry but no tears fell. “Can I just go back into my body?” she whined “I’ll go back in there and we can skip this whole reaping thing!”

“Doesn’t work that way, I’m afraid,” Bob explained “But you’re in the bargaining phase, so I won’t hold it against you.”

“This isn’t a joke!” Kristina yelled. Bob stayed silent at that. Kristina buried her face in her hands again and a sad wail escaped her throat.

“This is a lot, I understand,” Bob said as he walked out in front “But the good news is, you won’t care in another minute.” He then looked to the sky and nodded. A ray of light descended to the ground from the overcast sky and Kristina stood up in awe of it. “It’s cliché, I know,” Bob said “But we surveyed the idea and most people find comfort in it.”

“Heaven?” Kristina asked.

“Yup,” Bob said with a nod “The big guy likes to call up the important souls himself, but it’s up to the little guys like me to assist the rest upstairs.”

“So, you’re an angel,” Kristina reasoned.

“Eh...” Bob shrugged “Reapers are a form of angel, maybe, but not really.”

“Have you been to Heaven?”

“No, but it’s my retirement package when my time as Reaper comes to an end.”

“How does that work?”

“Hey, don’t worry about me. Go on, get out of here,”

“Oh, sorry,” Kristina said, turning back to regard the ray of light. It was a stark contrast to the night around it, and it gave off a welcoming energy that convinced Kristina that Bob wasn't lying about where it led.

“Kinda cancels out the traumatic car accident, eh?” Bob said as Kristina stepped towards the ground where the light covered. Kristina chuckled as she recalled the car accident for the last time in her mind. Before she took another step, something sprung to mind and she stopped and looked back to Bob. “What about Ryan?” she asked.

“Who?” Bob asked.

“Ryan. He was in the car with me. Shouldn’t he be a ghost running around too?”

“Well, if he died, yeah.”

“He’s not dead?”

“Probably not, but who cares?”

“That’s not fucking fair!”

Bob was taken aback by her tone. Confused, he shook his head and shrugged. “It doesn’t matter,” he reiterated.

“He was driving,” Kristina said as she stormed back to Bob and glared up at him. “He got us into that accident. HE was the one drinking. HE is the one who got me killed!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Bob argued back.

Kristina looked back towards the hospital. She knew somewhere inside was Ryan, assuming he was brought in the same as her. Bob was saying something, but she wasn’t hearing him. She took off back for the hospital. “What are you doing?” Bob yelled “Just step into the light!” Kristina stole a look behind her and saw Bob looking up to the sky as the light faded and everything fell back into darkness. She ran towards the automatic doors as they opened, the receptionist jumping in her chair, and back into the hospital.

Little Ghost - That's Not Me (NaNoWriMo Update #2)

[Posted by Ted H]

Well, family time happened for a week and I fell off a cliff in terms of progress, but I haven't given up. I'll still push through and pound out as many words as I can until December, even if this is another wasted year, I'll make it a productive one...

Current status of my 2020 NaNoWriMo: 10,836 / 50,000 (39,164 words to go!)

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[Little Ghost - That's Not Me]

Kristina bolted upright immediately after, screaming. She swung her legs over the table and jumped down, thankful her legs worked, and started sprinting. She told herself what kind of horrible dream she must’ve just had. It felt so real though, like she legitimately died. Her thoughts scrambled like crazy as she ran to a two-way push door so fast, she didn’t even register if it moved or not as she was into a strange white hallway, which completely stole her attention. 

There were white fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, but the whole scene seemed darker and hazier than it should have been. “Where even am I?” she asked aloud, taken slightly aback at how distant her voice seemed in her head. She tried to take in her surroundings, worried that her dream may not have been a dream after all. There was a gurney pushed to the side of the hall and a sign on the wall that had arrows pointed in both directions to various places like “ER” and “OR” with color coded labels that matched lines that were also lining the floor. 

“Hospital...” she said slowly, gazing down at her hands and checking her body. Something was off. She knew she must’ve been in an ambulance, but she couldn’t place why she felt no pain when she distinctly remembered feeling differently before. She wasn’t the least bit sore, nor could she feel anything. She pinched her cheek, half checking for pain, half checking to see if she were still dreaming. Nothing. She raised an arm and started scratching at it with her nails, a nervous habit she could never kick, but now a useful test since it would always start to hurt if she scratched too long. Still nothing. 

“They must’ve given me the good stuff. Capital M morphine!” she reasoned. It didn’t seem right, since she should be doped to hell, but it explained why her senses seemed dull and hazy and why her entire body was numb. The whole situation was beginning to get overwhelming and Kristina was pleased to see a nurse round the corner ahead and walk down a different hall. 

“Excuse me!” Kristina called, but the nurse paid her no attention. “Hey, wait!” she yelled and took off after her. She wasn’t sure how smart it was to run on numb, morphine legs, but she felt a breakdown creeping up on her and needed some reassurance on where she was and what the hell happened to her. The nurse made her way to an elevator and hit the call button. 

“Please, miss! Hold on!” Kristina cried as she sped up. The elevator doors opened and the nurse casually stepped aboard. “Wait!” Kristina screamed as she caught up and faced the nurse, who looked right through her. “Helllllo!” Kristina said obnoxiously “A little help here?” The nurse didn’t even react as the elevator door began to slide shut. “Are you fucking serious?” she screamed as she stuck out her arm to stop the elevator door and keep the nurse where she was. 

The door didn’t heed her either as it pushed right through Kristina’s arm and into place, allowing the elevator on the other side to start its journey. Kristina gasped and instinctively pulled her arm back and out of the door. She was speechless as she stared at her hand, slowly backing away from the elevator. Did that really just happen? No. Of course not. The elevator door was going to stop, but Kristina was so doped up on the morphine that her brain imagined the door closing. A simple lag of her brain. 

“But why didn’t that bitch answer me?” she asked aloud, questioning her own logic. That breakdown she felt creeping up was starting to crack through, and Kristina just wanted to roll into a ball and cry. She knew she couldn’t do that. She needed to figure out what was going on. She needed to get answers, then call mom, then she could have her breakdown. 

“I need to go back to bed,” she reasoned. Perhaps the doctors and nurses didn’t think she’d wake from her morphine nap so easily. Maybe they were planning to come back and wake her, then explain everything. She began to wander back the way she came, absent mindedly scratching her arm, so sure that things would make sense but worried that what she’d been seeing wasn’t quite fitting into place. “It must be the drugs,” she tried reminding herself. 

“Hi there!” a voice called out behind her “You look a little lost.” Kristina spun around, overcome with relief. She saw an older man in a white coat. A doctor! “Lost doesn’t even begin to describe it!” she said with a huge grin. Finally, some answers, or at least some direction. “Well, I can imagine after what you’ve been through, Kristina.” 

“Are you my doctor?” she asked. 

“Uh,” the man began, then shook his head “No. Definitely not.” 

“Then, how do you know me?”. 

“It’s,” the man hesitated again as he dug his hands into his coat pockets “It’s a little complicated. Tell me, what do you remember?” 

The man began walking and motioned Kristina to follow. “Um,” she began “I remember some kind of accident. Then I was lying in what I hope was an ambulance. And then I woke up in this place.” 

The man nodded. “That’s a pretty accurate summary,” he said while cocking his head to the side. “Car accident,” he said “They had to pull you out. Wasn’t easy.” Kristina shuddered, remembering what little she could. “And now you’re walking around no problem?” the man added. 

Kristina wanted to say something quickly to that, but stopped and chose her words carefully. “Well, yes?” she said “I know you have me on some pretty strong pain killers, so I assume I’ll be in a world of hurt once they wear off...” The man raised both his eyebrows to that. “Well, what’s your fucking theory then?” she snapped, becoming both scared and annoyed at this man. “Are you even a doctor?” she demanded. He was wearing the white coat, but there were no scrubs or clean attire underneath. He was wearing wrinkly stained dress shirt and an off-color pair of slacks. 

“I’m not exactly a doctor, but trust me Kristina, I’m here for you.” 

Kristina slowly back away from him. “You didn’t imagine that elevator door,” he said “And that nurse didn’t notice you because she couldn’t see you.” 

“Stop it,” Kristina said, trying to muster some backbone, but instead feeling that breakdown creeping back up again. The man smirked as he removed his white doctors coat and casually tossed it at her. She put up her hands to block the coat, then cried out as it easily passed through her hands, arms and torso as it fell undisturbed to the ground. The man chuckled at her response. 

Kristina opened her mouth to scream, but only a tiny whimper escaped. She grasped her torso, where the coat so easily breached through, and felt to make sure she was still a solid object. That man was talking, but Kristina wasn’t hearing him, sick in her own mind what felt like beyond an invasion of privacy. He had put that coat right through her. Right fucking through her! “Magic trick!” her mind flashed in desperation “He’s playing a trick. That has to be it!” 

“Kristina!” the man shouted, snapping back her attention to her “Listen to me very carefully. You were right about an accident, and the ambulance trip...” 

“And?” she squeaked out, dreading what she felt was the answer. 

“You didn’t make it,” he said in the most matter of fact tone Kristina ever heard. 

“Nooooooo,” Kristina said as her voice dropped and held that O sound. Gesturing about herself, showing how she was very much alive, she re-found her voice and protested “I’m not dead! Here I am. Do I look dead to you?” 

“You’re a ghost,” the man said as he shrugged and walked over to retrieve his coat and put it back on. “I’m not a ghost!” Kristina screamed without thinking. The man simply laughed and motioned for her to follow him down the hall. 

Kristina didn’t want to follow. She didn’t want to be anywhere near this man. She wanted to run. Get home any way she could and crawl into bed and weep until this whole ordeal was repressed and she can move on in life. But instead, she followed, because she had no idea where to run anyway. 

She was led back the way she had come when she tried to chase down the nurse. Back to the swinging door she thought she had opened as she ran earlier, but now she wasn’t so sure. This time she wasn’t sprinting and was able to notice the sign over the door. The sign sank her very soul into the ground as she started to shake. The man pushed the door open and held it open for her. The door had a high-pitched squeak to it that Kristina did not remember hearing before. She stopped short and the man gestured with his head for her to get moving. Kristina closed her eyes and itched her arm as she took the final few steps into the morgue. 

Laying on the table Kristina woke up on was a body under a sheet. It was her size. The same short frame with a belly too large and breasts too small for her liking that she judged in front of a mirror every morning. All the rationalizing in her mind up until now suddenly had no explanations for what she was looking at. “That’s not me,” she whispered in pure denial. 

The man sighed and walked to the body, putting his hand on the top of the sheet. “No,” Kristina said “I don’t wanna-” The man didn’t listen as he pulled the sheet off the face to reveal Kristina’s own face. 

It looked exactly like Kristina, but it wasn’t her. Her face was different than this imposter’s. Her face wasn’t bloodied. Her eye wasn’t swollen shut. The side of her face wasn’t purple. Her face wasn’t cut up. Her hair wasn’t matted down with blood. That wasn’t her face. That face was dead. The person on the table was dead. That person on the table was supposed to be her. That wasn’t her face. That wasn’t her blood. That wasn’t her swollen eye. Those weren’t her cuts. That wasn’t her bloodied hair. That wasn’t her face. That wasn’t her corpse. That wasn’t her face. That wasn’t her face. That wasn’t her fucking face. That wasn’t her FUCKING FACE! THAT WASN’T HER FUCKING FACE!