Oh. My. Gawwwwwd! Back to back posts? It's like I got my shit together or something, right?
Pure Human is finally ending. Buckle up.
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[Pure Human - Trick Plays]
"Did I mention I hate you
people, right?" Clyde asked while Blake drove through the streets with one
eye on the road and the other on the faintly glowing sleep stone.
"Only every five minutes," Blake responded.
"They're going to fire me," Clyde complained.
"Aren't you either already dead or immortal?"
"You don't get it; I can't reap anymore. So either I get reassigned to some shitty job or I get sent back to hell."
"Last I checked, your poor scheduling wasn't my problem. Neither was Whitey getting in the way last time."
"And that bitch just conveniently just so happens to be rolling in your crew now?"
"I really would hesitate to say convenient. Necessary, more likely."
"And who the fuck is this idiot?" Clyde asked while gesturing to the back where Bryant sat.
"Him?" Blake said "Kind of the guy responsible. Whitey's in town to get you fired mostly because of him, too. So in a way, he's the guy you should be mad at."
"A pleasure," Bryant said mockingly "You know, this is starting to feel more and more like a kidnapping by the minute."
"Be quiet," Clyde barked.
"How are you even helping him?" Bryant complained "You hate him and his associates, if that story about the girl you told earlier is to be trusted."
"Amazing what a payment of a carton of cigarettes will do, right?" Clyde said back.
"I said we'd share the carton," Blake corrected him.
Blake had a destination in mind, and as he drove closer to it, the stones he had began to glow brighter. "I hate it when I'm right," he mumbled as he drove onto the street where Melrose had lived. "What's here?" Clyde asked as Blake took notice of how silent Bryant was in back. "What those things consider their father lived here. It's safe enough until the Faded Man can come into this world."
"Faded Man?" Clyde asked "The big bad anus guy?"
"Yeah," Blake said as he pulled over well short of his destination. He opened the door and climbed out. "I assume there's a plan?" Clyde said as Blake looked down the streets to see many of the houses were dark and seemingly abandoned, and the rain making the entire scene slightly more foreboding than Blake wanted it to be.
"Plan?" Clyde reiterated, snapping Blake from the moment "Do you have one?"
"Of course I do," Blake said as he popped the trunk and started rummaging around.
"Ok, that's cool," Clyde said as he adjusted his jacket over his head to shield from the rain as he stuck a cigarette into his mouth "Cuz your homo friend kinda implied earlier on the phone that you guys were a bit clueless."
"Nah," Blake said without looking up "I had a plan the whole time. A couple actually. I just wasn't about to share them right away."
"Why the secrecy?" Clyde asked while patting himself down to find his lighter.
"Neither are very appealing. And one is straight up illegal."
"I like em already!"
"Good," Blake said as he produced a rubber hose for Clyde "Now take this and go siphon some gas.
"This isn't a movie," Clyde said "And why do you even need gas? Is that why we stopped?"
Blake pulled out the bottle from before with some gas still left inside. "We need it for Plan A," he said.
"What th-" Clyde started before he caught himself and just reached for the bottle "Never mind. Surprise me." Blake smiled as he handed the bottle off. "Don't forget to call John and have him get here. "Right," Clyde said sarcastically "Because why wouldn't I want my two most favorite people ever to be here?"
"Please?" Blake reiterated. "Yeah, yeah," Clyde said as he took his phone out and walked away. He disappeared with the bottle while Blake worked on his other plan. When Clyde returned, he was almost ready.
"You do know gas prices are dropping now, right?" Clyde said as he produced a full bottle of gasoline "No need to steal."
"Yeah, I'll take that into consideration," Blake said as he wrapped up what he was working on and was able to address Clyde "Out of curiosity, how did you get the gas without a hose?"
"I went under some cars and poked a hole in the gas tanks with my shiv," Clyde said as he produced his weapon.
"That thing was strong enough?"
"You assume this is an everyday, run of the mill tool and not something utilized by an employee of Hell?"
"Fair enough."
"So what's the other thing you're working on?"
"Plan B," Blake said as he held up a small sized chunk of what appeared to be red play-doh "But it's not ready yet. I'll need you and that shiv to complete it."
"That depends on the request. First of all, get your own weapon..."
"Nah, I just need you to go to Bryant and get me a pound of flesh."
"...Cute."
"No, really. A literal pound of his flesh. But leave him alive...So go with the legs or something like that."
"I didn't peg you for a complete psychotic..."
"Hey, now's not the time to critique my job. I'm trying to save the world here."
"The whole world?"
"Well...Albany for starters."
"And you want me to horrifically cut up some guy I don't even know?"
"I figure you could use the therapy."
A smirk escaped from Clyde as he turned his head towards where Bryant was. "A literal pound?" he asked.
"Maybe a little more for good measure."
Clyde fully smiled now. "After the week I've had," he said as he walked over to the door "Hell yeah." He brandished his weapon and opened the door. "Skip the speech and just get it done," Blake called as the door slammed shut and the screaming began. Blake took the time to get the finishing touches done on everything else.
The rain had begun to pick up into another downpour when Clyde had finished and the wet smack of cut up flesh barely registered to Blake as he prepped under the shielding of the trunk hood. By that time, the chunk of clay in Blake's hands was about the size of a golf ball. "Now help me add the flesh," he said as he juggled the clay in one hand while kneeling down to grab some flesh while trying to stay shielded from the rain.
"Seriously," Clyde asked as he grabbed some flesh and plopped it on top of Blake's project "What is this?"
"Well when it's done," Blake began as he worked the new ingredient into the ball "It's called Human Clay. It can only be made and utilized if the gathered flesh comes from someone who is still breathing, so I hope you didn't go overboard in there."
"Relax," Clyde said as he ducked under the trunk hood to try to light his cigarette finally "What does Human Clay even do?"
"Well, we'll need it for plan B."
"And?"
"I'm taking this straight out of The Evil Dead 2 playbook."
"...I'm a bit fuzzy on my 80's movies."
"Step one is to make the big bad, Vitaearnus, manifest in the real world. That gives us something to banish. Step two is to...well, banish it."
"...Inspiring," Clyde mumbled sarcastically.
"Yeah, well it's plan B for a reason."
"And what's plan A?"
Blake held out the water bottle for Clyde to take, then after rummaged into his pocket to produce the Time Ball. "Plan A is for you to drink that gas, treated with a certain concoction of additives of course, then swallow this ball."
"And that will...?"
"Stop time. Allowing you to stab away at all of Vitaearnus' pet monsters and take them out of play leaving just him and us...and Anin. Make sure you check to see if she's possessed or not."
"And if she is?"
"Don't hurt her either way. If she's already possessed, we'll deal...somehow."
"So...back up. I'll stop time if I swallow this shit you're handing me?"
"With the ball swallowed, yes."
"Are you fucking with me? You're fucking with me."
"I did this prior and I think it might have killed me if I held out too long. But you? You can't die."
"A fact you plan to exploit I see."
"Hey, when something big goes down, you gotta bust out the trick plays."
"Only every five minutes," Blake responded.
"They're going to fire me," Clyde complained.
"Aren't you either already dead or immortal?"
"You don't get it; I can't reap anymore. So either I get reassigned to some shitty job or I get sent back to hell."
"Last I checked, your poor scheduling wasn't my problem. Neither was Whitey getting in the way last time."
"And that bitch just conveniently just so happens to be rolling in your crew now?"
"I really would hesitate to say convenient. Necessary, more likely."
"And who the fuck is this idiot?" Clyde asked while gesturing to the back where Bryant sat.
"Him?" Blake said "Kind of the guy responsible. Whitey's in town to get you fired mostly because of him, too. So in a way, he's the guy you should be mad at."
"A pleasure," Bryant said mockingly "You know, this is starting to feel more and more like a kidnapping by the minute."
"Be quiet," Clyde barked.
"How are you even helping him?" Bryant complained "You hate him and his associates, if that story about the girl you told earlier is to be trusted."
"Amazing what a payment of a carton of cigarettes will do, right?" Clyde said back.
"I said we'd share the carton," Blake corrected him.
Blake had a destination in mind, and as he drove closer to it, the stones he had began to glow brighter. "I hate it when I'm right," he mumbled as he drove onto the street where Melrose had lived. "What's here?" Clyde asked as Blake took notice of how silent Bryant was in back. "What those things consider their father lived here. It's safe enough until the Faded Man can come into this world."
"Faded Man?" Clyde asked "The big bad anus guy?"
"Yeah," Blake said as he pulled over well short of his destination. He opened the door and climbed out. "I assume there's a plan?" Clyde said as Blake looked down the streets to see many of the houses were dark and seemingly abandoned, and the rain making the entire scene slightly more foreboding than Blake wanted it to be.
"Plan?" Clyde reiterated, snapping Blake from the moment "Do you have one?"
"Of course I do," Blake said as he popped the trunk and started rummaging around.
"Ok, that's cool," Clyde said as he adjusted his jacket over his head to shield from the rain as he stuck a cigarette into his mouth "Cuz your homo friend kinda implied earlier on the phone that you guys were a bit clueless."
"Nah," Blake said without looking up "I had a plan the whole time. A couple actually. I just wasn't about to share them right away."
"Why the secrecy?" Clyde asked while patting himself down to find his lighter.
"Neither are very appealing. And one is straight up illegal."
"I like em already!"
"Good," Blake said as he produced a rubber hose for Clyde "Now take this and go siphon some gas.
"This isn't a movie," Clyde said "And why do you even need gas? Is that why we stopped?"
Blake pulled out the bottle from before with some gas still left inside. "We need it for Plan A," he said.
"What th-" Clyde started before he caught himself and just reached for the bottle "Never mind. Surprise me." Blake smiled as he handed the bottle off. "Don't forget to call John and have him get here. "Right," Clyde said sarcastically "Because why wouldn't I want my two most favorite people ever to be here?"
"Please?" Blake reiterated. "Yeah, yeah," Clyde said as he took his phone out and walked away. He disappeared with the bottle while Blake worked on his other plan. When Clyde returned, he was almost ready.
"You do know gas prices are dropping now, right?" Clyde said as he produced a full bottle of gasoline "No need to steal."
"Yeah, I'll take that into consideration," Blake said as he wrapped up what he was working on and was able to address Clyde "Out of curiosity, how did you get the gas without a hose?"
"I went under some cars and poked a hole in the gas tanks with my shiv," Clyde said as he produced his weapon.
"That thing was strong enough?"
"You assume this is an everyday, run of the mill tool and not something utilized by an employee of Hell?"
"Fair enough."
"So what's the other thing you're working on?"
"Plan B," Blake said as he held up a small sized chunk of what appeared to be red play-doh "But it's not ready yet. I'll need you and that shiv to complete it."
"That depends on the request. First of all, get your own weapon..."
"Nah, I just need you to go to Bryant and get me a pound of flesh."
"...Cute."
"No, really. A literal pound of his flesh. But leave him alive...So go with the legs or something like that."
"I didn't peg you for a complete psychotic..."
"Hey, now's not the time to critique my job. I'm trying to save the world here."
"The whole world?"
"Well...Albany for starters."
"And you want me to horrifically cut up some guy I don't even know?"
"I figure you could use the therapy."
A smirk escaped from Clyde as he turned his head towards where Bryant was. "A literal pound?" he asked.
"Maybe a little more for good measure."
Clyde fully smiled now. "After the week I've had," he said as he walked over to the door "Hell yeah." He brandished his weapon and opened the door. "Skip the speech and just get it done," Blake called as the door slammed shut and the screaming began. Blake took the time to get the finishing touches done on everything else.
The rain had begun to pick up into another downpour when Clyde had finished and the wet smack of cut up flesh barely registered to Blake as he prepped under the shielding of the trunk hood. By that time, the chunk of clay in Blake's hands was about the size of a golf ball. "Now help me add the flesh," he said as he juggled the clay in one hand while kneeling down to grab some flesh while trying to stay shielded from the rain.
"Seriously," Clyde asked as he grabbed some flesh and plopped it on top of Blake's project "What is this?"
"Well when it's done," Blake began as he worked the new ingredient into the ball "It's called Human Clay. It can only be made and utilized if the gathered flesh comes from someone who is still breathing, so I hope you didn't go overboard in there."
"Relax," Clyde said as he ducked under the trunk hood to try to light his cigarette finally "What does Human Clay even do?"
"Well, we'll need it for plan B."
"And?"
"I'm taking this straight out of The Evil Dead 2 playbook."
"...I'm a bit fuzzy on my 80's movies."
"Step one is to make the big bad, Vitaearnus, manifest in the real world. That gives us something to banish. Step two is to...well, banish it."
"...Inspiring," Clyde mumbled sarcastically.
"Yeah, well it's plan B for a reason."
"And what's plan A?"
Blake held out the water bottle for Clyde to take, then after rummaged into his pocket to produce the Time Ball. "Plan A is for you to drink that gas, treated with a certain concoction of additives of course, then swallow this ball."
"And that will...?"
"Stop time. Allowing you to stab away at all of Vitaearnus' pet monsters and take them out of play leaving just him and us...and Anin. Make sure you check to see if she's possessed or not."
"And if she is?"
"Don't hurt her either way. If she's already possessed, we'll deal...somehow."
"So...back up. I'll stop time if I swallow this shit you're handing me?"
"With the ball swallowed, yes."
"Are you fucking with me? You're fucking with me."
"I did this prior and I think it might have killed me if I held out too long. But you? You can't die."
"A fact you plan to exploit I see."
"Hey, when something big goes down, you gotta bust out the trick plays."
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