December 11, 2011

Safe Haven - Saved By The Lube

[...Posted by Ted H]

Finally put Saints Row 3 down only to pick Mass Effect back up and play the shit out of that..."Our Town 2" may take a's more Safe Haven...


[Safe Haven - Saved By The Lube]

Nick and Kyle had finished rounding up all of the people in the brothel. It was a tight fit for all those people, so they sent some of the women upstairs since it was a man they were looking for anyway. Some of the more scantily dressed women were told to stay however at the request of Jezus.

“Anyone?” Kyle asked aloud “Anyone seen the man we’re looking for?” Kyle never got a good look at the guy when he was getting shot at, all he knew was the back of his head and his clothes. “All the skinny men sit down on the ground,” he instructed as the low number of men to choose from grew smaller. Either the guy he’s looking for was in this crowd, or someone had to have seen him.

“Stop protecting him,” Kyle said “Fat mother fucker, red shirt, just got done shooting at ResEs. Now we’re gonna start shooting people of our own if someone don’t step forward. “Back alley,” someone in the crowd mumbled. “Yeah yeah,” Kyle said “How convenient it would be for us to run out of here when he could have just as easily hidden here. I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“I don’t see him,” Jezus said as Nick shrugged and said “Yeah, I‘m not seeing no white boy fro either.” There were only about six overweight people in the room and none of them quite fit the description. “Fuck,” Kyle said as he shouldered his weapon “And NO ONE saw ANYTHING?” he shouted. “I’m gonna shoot something,” he said as Nick threw his arm around him. “Whatever man,” he said “Let’s wrap up and get a beer.” Kyle looked each of the standing men in the eyes. “Get their numbers,” he said to Nick. “Already on it,” Jezus said as he walked over with a pen and paper. Every citizen of Safe Haven had a five digit number tattooed on their right hand. It was originally implemented to keep track of everyone, and to ensure anyone kicked out wouldn’t be able to just sneak back in.

“We’ll be in touch,” Jezus said after he took down the number of every person, man, woman, skinny or fat. “Dismissed,” Kyle said as he turned to leave. He spotted Nick over by Perry the Pimp. “What the fuck do you get for this?” he was asking Perry, who was holding a rag to his face. “What?” Perry asked.

“There’s no currency,” Nick said “What do you get out of pushing these bitches?”

“It’s a service,” Perry said “People need it, and the girls need a safe home. Sometimes a favor asked doesn’t hurt on my part.”

“And of coarse ResEs are welcome at any time and get choice selection,” Nick said with a huge grin.

“We’re done here,” Kyle said as Nick slapped Perry in the arm. “I’ll be back real soon,” Nick said. “Just don’t come off duty,“ Perry said “You scare the ladies enough as it is.” Nick winked as he made a gun shape with his hand and mimicked shooting him.


Someone had Juan’s gun, but this one was different from the one who had it before. Kendall tried his best to catch up to the chaos, listening in on the radio and following the pursuit. The runner had been tracked to a certain building Kendall was now approaching. Just as he was about to turn the corner, he spotted two people with a rifle trying to sneak away down an alley. “Freeze!” Kendall screamed as he raised his rifle.

“The man holding Juan’s rifle didn’t even hesitate as he raised it and pulled the trigger, but the only thing coming out was the sound of a dry click. “Shit!” he said as the two men turned to run. “I said freeze!” Kendall said but neither man took heed. “Fine then,” he said as he squeezed the trigger on his own rifle. To the dismay of the person on the other end of the trajectory, Kendall’s rifle was loaded. Kendall fired off an even spread across the alley, two bullets hitting one of the fleeing men in the back. Unfortunately, he also happened to cover the other man, who had the rifle and ducked out of view.

Kendall ran down the alley, but knew the one with the rifle was too far away to conceivably catch. The downed man was a different story. His friend had left him behind as he crawled after. Kendall knelt down next to the man as he gave up his crawl. He was hit somewhere vital and was defiantly a dead man so Kendall decided to forgo the useless life saving attempt and instead tried to extract information.

“Who is he and or where is he going?” he asked as the man spit up blood, but otherwise said nothing. “You tried to steal the wrong gun, buddy. Where is he going?” the man still said nothing. “We can save you, patch you back up,” Kendall lied “But only if you tell me what I need to know. Where is he going? I need that rifle!”

The man looked up at Kendall and smiled. “Fuck you, bitch,” he said before he dropped his head to the ground and coughed up more blood. “Everyone’s a fucking hero,” Kendall said as he pulled out his knife and stabbed the man in his wound. He screamed, spitting more blood out before he finally gave out and died. Another ResE ran down the alley and looked at Kendall’s handiwork.

“Someone out there has a rifle,” Kendall said “It’s out of ammo but it’s Enforcer property and it’s vital that we recover it ASAP.” The other ResE nodded as he looked down at the body on the ground. “What about him?” he asked. Kendall shrugged “Bag him and tag him, I really don’t give a shit.”

Kendall walked out of the alley and down the street where the runner from before took off. “Taco, where are you?” he said into his radio.

“The whore house. Where are you?” Jezus responded.

“Right outside. You got things covered in there?”

“Yeah, all under control. Why don’t you come on in? The view is excellent.”

“No thanks. Listen, no one thought enough to pick up the rifle?”

“Nah, guess everyone was too concerned with catching this guy. Why?”

“Cuz I just watched someone take off with it. You at least catch the runner?”

“No. But RC thinks he’s hiding in here. Don’t worry about the gun either, it’ll turn up. The guy dropped it cuz he was out of bullets, or so I’m told.”

“He better be in there. Listen, I’m heading back to the outskirts. Only a few buildings left that we didn’t check and I don’t think it was a coincidence when that guy ran out with Juan’s gun when he did.”

“I’ll meet you there.”



“Never mind.”


John wanted to sit down when the ResEs finally left but there weren’t any chairs. He didn’t really mind as he backed up to a wall and slid down, keeping the top hat in front of himself. Sweat and lube dripped down his back as he was ever thankful that the woman thought enough to do something with his hair because otherwise he’d be a dead man. He looked over to Perry who himself was on the ground propped against a wall. What he went through was no small thing, and John was glad he had enough gall in the face of authority to protect friends.

Perry was holding a bloody cloth to his face and John guessed that the ResEs weren’t kind when they came looking for him. John didn’t even notice Perry until now due to the tunnel vision he had when he was marched out for the one ResE to look at, keeping an eye on each and every ResE just in case one of them recognized him. He remained ignorant of everything else going on until the last ResE walked out.

John took a moment to look about and noticed that nobody was making any effort to leave the room, out of fear or shock he wasn’t sure. The ResEs had left but they could still be heard talking outside. The unspoken fear was that they would barge in at any moment and do whatever came to mind.

When things quieted down outside, Perry finally rose and walked over to John. He checked to make sure he wasn’t bleeding anymore, then chucked the cloth at John. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he screamed as he wiped crusted blood from his nose with his hand “Do you know what kind of damage this will do to me? People, no, the WOMEN won’t want to come near this place if ResEs are gonna round people up like that. What were you doing!?”

John attempted to tell the tale of how things went down. Perry shook his head. “Go home, John,” Perry said as he signaled the woman he was with to go upstairs “Get some sleep or something. DON’T come back here. I’ll find you when I’m done hating you.” The woman then returned with John’s boxers and shoes. “What about the rest of my clothes?” John asked as he slipped his boxers on. “You’ll get the rest of your…stuff…later. What do you think’ll happen if you’re seen wearing a red shirt? Hell the fact that you were naked saved you. I doubt anyone would want to get a good look at you like that. Now go before curfew hits because you’re not staying here.”

John threw his shoes on and was out the door. He didn’t like leaving his gun behind, but he also didn’t have anywhere to hide it on his body, and he knew Perry didn’t have any extra clothes in his size. He understood why he couldn’t get his shirt back, but he doubted anyone would flag him down for his pants though. He wasn’t going back in for them though, Perry probably withheld them on purpose out if anger.

“It’s cold,” John said to himself as he rubbed his arms and started jogging off towards home. It was a bit of a walk to his apartment, and the sun was already setting.

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