[...Posted by Ted H]
Yup...Halloween. Heres a little somethin-somethin I threw together for just such an occasion. Posting it up a few days early since no one ever wants to read halloweeny things in November and odds are Halloween weekend/day people would be a bit busy...
plus now I can rest up and brainstorm for NaNoWriMo. Might get one or two other authors involved, so there might be *gasp* miltiple weekly updates next month? dont quote me though.
And yes, Ill admit in advance that this is such an overly complicated set-up for a Batman joke...
--------------------------------------------
[Thump Thump Thump Thump]
-THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!
Four heavy bangs jolted Nicole and Paul from their sleep. “What was that?” Nicole asked in a worried tone. “I have no idea,” Paul said as he fought off a yawn “Prolly the wind.” he said as he turned over to go back to sleep. “Are you serious? The wind?” Nicole asked “The wind doesn’t slam into our house like that.” Paul grunted before forcing himself top get up. “Well what do you want me to do about it?” he asked but before Nicole could answer-
-THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!
Paul seemed less dismissive the second time around, and searched in the dark for a bit to find some shoes. Down the hallway, their infant daughter Lizzie started crying. “Now I’m pissed,” Paul said before yawning again “Could you take care of Lizzie?” he asked as Nicole turned on a lamp and made for the door.
-THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!
“Seriously, what’s going on?” Nicole asked, visibly upset over the banging. Paul could tell it was coming from the front door. Whoever it was, Paul was ready to kick their ass if they did it again.
-THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!
Paul jogged down the hallway and ran down the stairs. He had no weapon handy so he settled for the lone umbrella in the stand next to the front door. He peered through the peep hole but saw nothing, not that he ever could before. The light in the front porch went out about a month ago and Paul could never get it to work. Paul tried looking out the side window but couldn’t see anything either.
Upstairs he could hear Nicole trying to calm Lizzie down to no avail. He couldn’t exactly blame the kid, his own heart was still trying to calm down. He could hear Nicole talking up there but it didn’t seem she was talking to the baby. He was about to call up to her when-
-THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!
“Gotcha!” he called out when he unlocked the door and threw it open, umbrella in hand. There was no one out there though. He stepped out quickly and peered into the nearby bushes but saw no sign that anyone was around. “What the hell?” he asked himself as he slowly backed up into the house and closed the door.
“Please calm down,” he could hear Nicole saying upstairs to the baby, who finally seemed to be quiet. Other than that, there was no other noise. Slowly, Paul placed the umbrella back where it belonged and went up the stairs. “What’s going on?” Nicole asked as she peered out of Lizzie’s room. All Paul could do was shrug when-
-THUMP THUMP THUMP TH-
The thumping had started again only this time it had been disturbed by the door flying open and slamming into the wall. “Holy shit!” Paul screamed as he flew down the stairs.
“Trick or treat!” three small children shouted as they held out pillowcases in front of them. “That wasn’t funny,” Paul said as the kids giggled behind their plastic masks. One was dressed as Batman, another as a princess and the last as a vampire. “A bit late, huh guys?” Paul asked as he headed for the kitchen to go get some candy.
“Wait a minute,” he said as he opened the pantry “Halloween isn’t until tomorrow.” Just as the thought crossed Paul’s mind, he heard Nicole start to scream before getting cut off. Paul sprinted back towards the front door just in time to see the vampire and princess run out the front door. The vampire’s pillowcase was filled to capacity as he dragged it behind him, leaving a thick trail of blood. The princess meanwhile was trying to fit Nicole’s severed head into her own pillowcase.
Paul was frozen and speechless as he attempted to process the scene that just transpired. He was torn between running after them or calling the cops when he realized something. “The God-damn Batman is still in the house,” he said shortly before something slammed into the back of his head and everything went black.
October 26, 2011
October 23, 2011
Our Town of the Dead [Act II]
[...Posted by Ted H]
Act 2, bitches! Act 3 might take a while though since November is about to go down...and with November, NaNoWriMo happens. National Novel Writing Month is as described, an entire month dedicated to the writing of a novel. This year I'm gonna focus on pounding out as much of Safe Haven as I can. Feel free to follow my exploits: http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/reted
Updates for all of November will be me posting what Ive managed to pound out for Safe Haven. Next weeks update for halloween will be something small while I prepare for the novel-a-thon. I'll pick up on "Our Town of the Dead" in December for the final act, at least I managed Act 2 before November happened. I know how I want to end the play, act 2 was harder to write, believe me.
Ill try to see if I can get any of the other authors to come back for NaNoWriMo but at least I'm on board for it.
-------------------------------------------
[Our Town of the Dead]
Act II
The STAGE MANAGER watches the audience return to their seats, smoking from a pipe, but that sure isn’t tobacco.
STAGE MANAGER:
Death sure is a common occurrence wherever you go. Several thousand days came and went since we last met and you wouldn’t believe the amount of people that die. Some who weren’t even born yet had come and gone, others you never even met lived full lives and passed without nary a second thought. All the same, they all went to the same cemetery. It’s almost mind boggling to think of the amount of souls one single cemetery can contain, which only brings to mind that all those souls have been rising.
He pauses to finish his pipe and put it away.
STAGE MANAGER:
Now not every soul rose this night; just wouldn’t be feasible. Some have just been dead too long to allow it. Others are detached so much that the notion of returning carries no enticement. Many others rose but made no effort to do anything. Body or no body, they prefer to remain just as they are, just where they are. Sure, they feel the hunger, but it’s a pain they can live with.
He pauses to laugh.
STAGE MANAGER:
Now, our first act may have misled you to thinking that the Gibbs family are the only survivors thus far. Close, but there are others. Not many, but every life remaining counts at this point. As for the undead, our old friend Simon seemed to be the only undead to survive the first act, but he is far from alone…
SIMON STIMSON and MRS SOAMES enter from opposite sides.
MRS SOAMES:
There you are, Simon. We were beginning to think you may have left us early.
SIMON:
Leave without you? I would never imagine doing such a thing. Where would I even go?
MRS SOAMES:
Those fresh corpses you had with you earlier were talking about invading the university.
SIMON:
Fair to say those two won’t be invading anything else anytime soon.
MRS SOAMES:
Is that a fact?
SIMON:
Dead, I’m afraid.
MRS SOAMES:
Well no shit, Simon.
SIMON:
Dead-dead!
MRS SOAMES:
Oh. Well I never fancied either of them anyway. What of Mrs Gibbs?
SIMON:
A similar fate. We have a slight issue. Sure enough, the Gibbs boy is back, but he’s armed.
MRS SOAMES:
Like the Constable was? He failed to stop anyone when we attacked.
SIMON:
Gibbs is different. He has a shotgun. Less aiming, wider spread. He’s already killed a few, including his own mother.
MRS SOAMES:
Oh, well that would present a problem.
SIMON:
Hardly. Even if he were to make it into town, he should run out of ammo long before our numbers take a serious hit.
MRS SOAMES:
So what problem DO you have with Gibbs?
SIMON:
I just want to make sure he doesn’t kill anyone important. Throw some of the fresh meat or unknowns at him until he runs empty. You and I should make ourselves scarce until then.
MRS SOAMES:
If you insist.
SIMON:
What of Warren?
MRS SOAMES:
He’s with the towns Constable.
SIMON:
Bringing another one up to speed?
MRS SOAMES:
No, that one‘s dead-dead too. He made sure he wouldn’t turn. Didn’t want any other Constables running around. Many of us had a good meal out of that before it spoiled.
SIMON:
Why is he still with it then?
MRS SOAMES:
Shouting at the body. Beating it mostly. Claiming how he wouldn’t have died so quickly if he were the Constable.
SIMON:
And of the gun?
MRS SOAMES:
Oh don’t be so paranoid. It’s right here.
MRS SOAMES produces a gun with a severed hand attached.
MRS SOAMES:
Made a nice meal out of the whole arm! Such a pretty gun as well.
SIMON:
Get rid of it.
MRS SOAMES:
Oh hush. It is less likely to hurt anyone if I hold onto it.
SIMON:
Fine, just stay away from Gibbs.
MRS SOAMES:
Oh you make it seem like he came with an army.
SIMON:
I don’t have time for this.
SIMON STIMSON and MRS SOAMES exit.
STAGE MANAGER:
Well it looks like we have ourselves a second act…Oh stop being a little bitch Joe! All the bad people are gone now.
JOE CROWELL peeks out from the back of the stage but then goes back into hiding.
STAGE MANAGER:
Fine, be that way. Lets move time forward a bit and switch our scene back to George and company.
GEORGE GIBBS, REBECCA GIBBS and DOC GIBBS all walk on stage.
GEORGE:
Any questions on the plan?
REBECCA:
Did we not just get done talking about it?
GEORGE:
Yeah, but that was during the intermission.
REBECCA:
So?
GEORGE:
*Sigh* Bitchsayswhat?
REBECCA:
What?
GEORGE:
Nice.
DOC GIBBS:
We’re not going anywhere with out the Webb family.
GEORGE:
Just don’t mention the part where I re-killed their son.
REBECCA:
With all the dead family members we’ve been running into, I’m surprised we haven’t seen Emily yet.
STAGE MANAGER:
*Throws the script at REBECCA* Did she even READ the fucking script?
DOC GIBBS:
*Knocks on the door to the Webb house* Charles? Myrtle? Anyone home?
MR WEBB:
Oh my, what a day this is turning into.
MR WEBB opens his door and lets everyone in.
MR WEBB:
What the hell is HE doing back here?
GEORGE:
Uh…so…do I still get to call you dad?
DOC GIBBS:
Never mind that. Charles, we need to get out of here. You notice that the dead have been rising?
MR WEBB:
Yes, actually. Ol’ Howie Newsome said something like that when we let him and the paperboy in earlier. Both looked like a mess. I asked if I should fetch you, Doc, but they both said something about how useless they should be.
DOC GIBBS:
Where are they now?
MR WEBB:
In the back, laying down. Haven’t caused me or the missus much trouble. Complained about being hungry is all, just sent Myrtle in back with some soup to take care of that.
GEORGE GIBBS cocks his shotgun.
DOC GIBBS:
Charles, this is important, I need to see the both of them.
MR WEBB:
That shouldn’t be any trouble. Here they come now. Hey boys, guess who just walked…oh my. What happened?
HOWIE NEWSOME and SI CROWELL enter. Both are covered in blood, HOWIE NEWSOME is carrying an entire leg while SI CROWELL has a long strand of intestine.
MR WEBB:
Whatcha boys got there?
SI:
Your wife.
MR WEBB:
…Wut?
GEORGE:
Step aside.
HOWIE:
We’re still so hungry!
GEORGE:
I got ya covered.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots HOWIE NEWSOME in the chest, causing him to fall backwards to the ground while SI CROWELL lunges forward. MR WEBB hides behind GEORGE GIBBS while DOC GIBBS pulls a scalpel from his pocket and stabs SI CROWELL in the chest then kicks him to the ground.
MR WEBB:
What’s going on here?
REBECCA:
They aren’t dead?
SI CROWELL and HOWIE NEWSOME both rise to their feet and go back on the attack.
GEORGE:
Let’s see ‘em get up after this.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots SI CROWELL in the head, cocks and aims for HOWIE NEWSOME.
DOC GIBBS:
George, wait! Leave Howie alive.
GEORGE:
Are you kidding me?
DOC GIBBS:
I didn’t say he needed to walk though.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots HOWIE NEWSOME in the knees, bringing him to the ground again. DOC GIBBS runs over and pins his arms down.
DOC GIBBS:
Anybody, hold his arms for me.
MR WEBB and REBECCA GIBBS each hold down one of HOWIE NEWSOMEs arms while GEORGE GIBBS stood over him aiming his shotgun.
DOC GIBBS:
Howie? Are you still with us?
HOWIE:
I never left Doc. Let me go everyone, I feel much better now.
DOC GIBBS:
Forgive us if we don’t believe you.
DOC GIBBS bends over and places his fingers on HOWIE NEWSOMEs neck.
GEORGE:
Uh, dad? What are you doing?
DOC GIBBS:
Checking for a pulse, but I’m not getting anything.
GEORGE:
He’s dead, dad. I could’ve told you that.
DOC GIBBS:
Alright, smartass, how would you know?
GEORGE:
I shot him in the chest, remember?
HOWIE:
I ain’t dead. I don’t feel dead at least.
DOC GIBBS:
Right…so Howie, why did you and Si kill Mrs Webb?
HOWIE:
I was just so hungry.
DOC GIBBS:
She brought you soup.
HOWIE:
I can’t really explain it Doc, I just can’t stand the idea of normal food anymore. I need something…live.
DOC GIBBS:
Why did you attack us if you havent even finished Mrs Webb?
HOIWE:
She spoiled. She don’t taste all that good anymore.
REBECCA:
Who killed you, Howie?
HOWIE:
I ain’t dead.
REBECCA:
Well…who hurt you before?
HOWIE:
Simon did. He said he’d have killed me if I didn’t spoil so quickly. Never bothered to ask him what he meant, but I think it meant he didn’t kill me. He never did explain much too me before he and Mrs Gibbs let us go here.
DOC GIBBS:
Simon did kill you, Howie. Do you know where he came from?
HOWIE:
I guess the cemetery.
DOC GIBBS:
…George, I’m afraid there isn’t much else we can gather from our old friend Howie.
GEORGE:
Right. *Shoots HOWIE NEWSOME*
MR WEBB:
What happens now?
GEORGE:
We get the hell out of here.
DOC GIBBS:
Yes, Charles, I want you to go with my children. Help them get to the gas station.
GEORGE:
Dad, you’re talking as if you aren’t going with us.
DOC GIBBS:
I’m going to the cemetery, see if there is anything I can find out about all this.
GEORGE:
Then we’ll go with you.
DOC GIBBS:
No. Getting the gas is more important. I’ll meet you at your car and we’ll all escape together. But if there is any way of getting to the bottom of all this living dead nonsense, it would be at the source.
GEORGE:
That’s a pretty stupid idea. We should just leave and never look back.
DOC GIBBS:
Son, you’re talking as if you’re going to convince me otherwise.
GEORGE:
Fine, but when we get the car gassed up, I won’t wait for you if there’s trouble.
DOC GIBBS:
Yes, well, this wouldn’t be the first time you hightail it at the first sign of trouble.
Exit DOC GIBBS.
GEORGE:
…
REBECCA:
Well?
GEORGE:
What? Are you ready or what?
REBECCA:
Yeah, George, just waiting on you. Ready Mr Webb?
MR WEBB:
Oh we’re ready.
REBECCA:
Why are you carrying that leg?
MR WEBB:
Why would I ever leave my wife behind?
REBECCA:
Because she’s dead.
MR WEBB:
And where is your husband in all this?
REBECCA:
Dead...and then dead again when he got back up. The difference is I didn’t feel the need to take a souvenir.
MR WEBB:
Like you would even care enough. How many different husbands does that make for you?
REBECCA:
Whatever. This one would’ve been the one had he lived long enough…heh…I just realized we’re all widowed in here.
GEORGE:
Enough. Lets go.
REBECCA:
Well aren’t we all serious all of a sudden.
Exit GEORGE GIBBS, REBECCA GIBBS and MR WEBB.
STAGE MANAGER:
Scene shift time! Time to meet another beloved undead favorite!
Enter SIMON STIMSON and WARREN from opposite sides.
SIMON:
Warren? Are you wearing the Constables clothing?
WARREN:
I’m the new-old Constable! It feels right this way.
SIMON:
Whatever helps you cope. How goes the numbers swelling?
WARREN:
As well as Mrs Gibbs had hoped.
SIMON:
Her wishes are no longer a priority.
WARREN:
Is that so?
SIMON:
Warren? Why do you want to leave Grover’s Corners?
WARREN:
I…Well…It seems like the thing to do. Spread ourselves and conquer. We’ll eat like kings!
SIMON:
No. I never saw it that way. We don’t NEED food, we’re dead. We can go long stretches without eating other people.
WARREN:
So what do you suggest.
SIMON:
I’m more interested in reclaiming our home. Grover’s Corners once belonged to us. Then our time came and we left. But we’re back now, so why not take back what is ours.
WARREN:
I don’t think many others would like that idea.
SIMON:
Yes well, most of the naysayers are the more recent dead. They aren't as disconnected to the human need as we are.
WARREN:
Wouldn’t wanting to stay and reclaim your home qualify as a human need?
SIMON:
This coming from a man who felt the need to retake his mantle as Constable.
WARREN:
Ok, I can see your point.
SIMON:
I just see no need to go out and conquer when we could just stay here and let people come to us.
WARREN:
It does sound easier.
SIMON:
Yes, and less likely we run into people with shotguns.
WARREN:
But how can we last with intermittent victims?
SIMON:
We’ve wasted plenty of spoiled meat. I’m sure there are better preservation methods. We can just kill someone and prevent their turning, then preserve the body so it doesn’t spoil.
WARREN:
That sounds like a lot of work.
SIMON:
It’s easier, trust me. Plus, we wont have to share as much.
WARREN:
Well if you put it that way…
SIMON:
We can figure something for preservation. Remember when that Craig boy stumbled into the cemetery a week ago? We killed him and took him to the river. Idea was we could submerge him in the water and he wouldn’t spoil. Didn’t work but now we control the town. We can figure out a way to get it done.
WARREN:
I would like to go back to the old days. We could live life, and live it like we all said we would when we were just talking in the graveyard.
SIMON:
Sure, Warren, sure.
WARREN:
I’m sure Mrs Gibbs would like the idea.
SIMON:
How many time do I have to tell you, you goit, Julia Gibbs is dead for good now.
WARREN:
Not THAT Mrs Gibbs.
SIMON:
Oh…Well, best not to bother her right now.
Exit SIMON STIMSON and WARREN.
STAGE MANAGER:
(Nonchalantly) New scene, whatever.
Exit STAGE MANAGER.
STAGE MANAGER: (offstage)
Ya know I played a bigger role in the original…fuckers…
Enter GEORGE GIBBS, REBECA GIBBS and MR WEBB.
REBECCA:
Look at all these dead people.
MR WEBB:
They don’t look devoured though. They’ve been run over. What else could kill them?
Enter BASEBALL PLAYER.
BASEBALL PLAYER:
Run for your lives!
GEORGE:
We know, we know. Zombies.
BASEBALL PLAYER:
Fuck the zombies. I’m talking about the horse!
Enter BESSIE as a zombie horse. BESSIE runs through, trampling BASEBALL PLAYER and killing him.
REBECCA:
Wait, wasn’t the horse just imaginary an act ago?
GEORGE:
Get down!
GEORGE GIBBS shoots the horse as it runs back, but does little damage. As it makes another pass, GEORGE GIBBS shoots out one of its legs, causing it to topple over.
GEORGE:
This is getting ridiculous.
JOE CROWELL: (offstage)
I’ll say, Gibbs.
Enter JOE CROWELL.
JOE:
Just a second. Can never be too sure.
JOE CROWELL pulls out a gun and puts a round through BESSIEs eye. He then points the gun at GEORGE GIBBS.
GEORGE:
Just hold on a moment, Joe. I’m not one of them.
JOE:
I don’t believe in coincidences, George. You’re gonna tell me why the dead are attacking and you so conveniently arrive at the same time?
REBECCA:
That’s the Constable’s gun! How’d you get it?
JOE:
He’s dead. Mrs Soames had it. I snuck up and beat a rock over her head and took the gun. I’d hate to waste the bullet, Gibbs, so what do you have to do with all this?
GEORGE:
I have no idea why any of this is happening. I’m just trying to get out of here with my family.
JOE:
Now that’s a change of pace for you. Makes me wonder why you even left.
GEORGE:
Look, we can either stand here and talk, or we can get to the gas station and get the hell out of here.
JOE:
You ain’t getting within five feet of that station with just a shotgun.
REBECCA:
We can get a hell of a lot closer with your help.
JOE:
Like this pea shooter will do anything.
MR WEBB:
Well you won’t last long on your own in any case.
JOE:
Guess I have no choice, but this conversation isn’t over Gibbs.
GEORGE:
Fine, whatever.
JOE:
One more question though. Why is Webb carrying a leg?
REBECCA:
Please don’t ask.
Exit GEORGE GIBBS, JOW CROWELL, REBECCA GIBBS and MR WEBB. A moment passes but the STAGE MANAGER doesn’t return. Another moment passes and DOC GIBBS walks on stage.
DOC GIBBS:
Well folks, it seems our host seems to have taken the lack of lines a bit personally. Lucky for you I can fill in for at least a scene transition, while the Stage Manager rewrites himself into the next act. It isn’t much; We’re just moving forward in time just a little and changing locations. Now we move to the heart of Grover’s Corners, home of many landmarks such as the church and the only gas station for miles. Our party of survivors are just arriving.
Exit DOC GIBBS. GEORGE GIBBS enters slowly, aiming his shotgun. He surveys the area, nods, then waves in JOE CROWELL, MR WEBB and REBECCA GIBBS.
JOE:
We’re almost there. Just a bit further.
REBECCA:
How are we getting the gas back to the car?
JOE:
There should be containers around to carry the gas in. We need much, George?
GEORGE:
Not much. Just enough to cross back into Massachusetts. From there we can get help and more gas.
MR WEBB:
Where are we going, exactly?
GEORGE:
I’m going home. Home-home I mean. I didn’t come here to move back.
JOE:
Then why the hell are you here? I still think it’s suspicious.
REBECCA:
Then why are you even with us now?
JOE:
Suspicious or not, my best shot at surviving lies with the guy with the biggest gun.
GEORGE:
You’re all welcome to stay with me, except you Joe.
JOE:
Fuck you.
MR WEBB:
I can’t imagine living anywhere buy Grover’s Corners.
JOE:
You’re welcome to stay here, old man. As for the rest of us, the gas station is right there.
Everyone walks forward, GEORGE GIBBS stops short.
REBECCA:
What’s wrong, George?
GEORGE:
I couldn’t go ten feet before without running into a dead person. Now we’re in the heart of town and not a damn thing.
JOE:
Think they’re smart enough to set a trap?
GEORGE:
They’ve been doing nothing but setting traps. My own mother tried to play me.
REBECCA:
Should we run then? This does seem too easy.
PROFESSOR WILLARD: (off stage)
I believe that would be a futile effort now, I’m afraid.
Enter PROFESSOR WILLARD, WARREN, SIMON STIMSON and several other ZOMBIES, all surrounding the area.
JOE:
That’s a lot of fucking dead people.
GEORGE:
How did you even know we we’re coming?
SIMON:
Well when word passes around that the one and only George Gibbs is waltzing his way into town even when the dead are attacking, there can be only one reason, especially since we all knew you got a shiny new Ford all those years ago. So we decided to pull back and let you walk unsuspected right into our little homecoming party.
GEORGE:
How do you think this is gonna end, Stimson? We’re armed and you’re halfway decayed.
WILLARD:
You’ve two guns and a leg between the four of you. How long can you possibly last against the dozens of us?
WILLARD:
Contrary to what you may think, George, we don’t want to kill you. Not right away at least. Someone wants to talk to you, alive. You and Webb. You should get going now, before an accident happens.
JOE:
What about-
SIMON:
I’m afraid you’re little more than an appetizer now, you and the woman.
GEORGE:
Well I guess that does it. Only one option left, right Joe?
JOE:
Damn right, Gibbs.
GEORGE GIBBS and JOE CROWELL open fire at the ZOMBIES as they close in on the living. The lights dim. A single light illuminates the center of the stage as the Stage Manager walks out and under it.
STAGE MANAGER:
That concludes out second act. Few minutes intermission then make sure you get your asses back for the final act. You don’t want to miss it.
Act 2, bitches! Act 3 might take a while though since November is about to go down...and with November, NaNoWriMo happens. National Novel Writing Month is as described, an entire month dedicated to the writing of a novel. This year I'm gonna focus on pounding out as much of Safe Haven as I can. Feel free to follow my exploits: http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/reted
Updates for all of November will be me posting what Ive managed to pound out for Safe Haven. Next weeks update for halloween will be something small while I prepare for the novel-a-thon. I'll pick up on "Our Town of the Dead" in December for the final act, at least I managed Act 2 before November happened. I know how I want to end the play, act 2 was harder to write, believe me.
Ill try to see if I can get any of the other authors to come back for NaNoWriMo but at least I'm on board for it.
-------------------------------------------
[Our Town of the Dead]
Act II
The STAGE MANAGER watches the audience return to their seats, smoking from a pipe, but that sure isn’t tobacco.
STAGE MANAGER:
Death sure is a common occurrence wherever you go. Several thousand days came and went since we last met and you wouldn’t believe the amount of people that die. Some who weren’t even born yet had come and gone, others you never even met lived full lives and passed without nary a second thought. All the same, they all went to the same cemetery. It’s almost mind boggling to think of the amount of souls one single cemetery can contain, which only brings to mind that all those souls have been rising.
He pauses to finish his pipe and put it away.
STAGE MANAGER:
Now not every soul rose this night; just wouldn’t be feasible. Some have just been dead too long to allow it. Others are detached so much that the notion of returning carries no enticement. Many others rose but made no effort to do anything. Body or no body, they prefer to remain just as they are, just where they are. Sure, they feel the hunger, but it’s a pain they can live with.
He pauses to laugh.
STAGE MANAGER:
Now, our first act may have misled you to thinking that the Gibbs family are the only survivors thus far. Close, but there are others. Not many, but every life remaining counts at this point. As for the undead, our old friend Simon seemed to be the only undead to survive the first act, but he is far from alone…
SIMON STIMSON and MRS SOAMES enter from opposite sides.
MRS SOAMES:
There you are, Simon. We were beginning to think you may have left us early.
SIMON:
Leave without you? I would never imagine doing such a thing. Where would I even go?
MRS SOAMES:
Those fresh corpses you had with you earlier were talking about invading the university.
SIMON:
Fair to say those two won’t be invading anything else anytime soon.
MRS SOAMES:
Is that a fact?
SIMON:
Dead, I’m afraid.
MRS SOAMES:
Well no shit, Simon.
SIMON:
Dead-dead!
MRS SOAMES:
Oh. Well I never fancied either of them anyway. What of Mrs Gibbs?
SIMON:
A similar fate. We have a slight issue. Sure enough, the Gibbs boy is back, but he’s armed.
MRS SOAMES:
Like the Constable was? He failed to stop anyone when we attacked.
SIMON:
Gibbs is different. He has a shotgun. Less aiming, wider spread. He’s already killed a few, including his own mother.
MRS SOAMES:
Oh, well that would present a problem.
SIMON:
Hardly. Even if he were to make it into town, he should run out of ammo long before our numbers take a serious hit.
MRS SOAMES:
So what problem DO you have with Gibbs?
SIMON:
I just want to make sure he doesn’t kill anyone important. Throw some of the fresh meat or unknowns at him until he runs empty. You and I should make ourselves scarce until then.
MRS SOAMES:
If you insist.
SIMON:
What of Warren?
MRS SOAMES:
He’s with the towns Constable.
SIMON:
Bringing another one up to speed?
MRS SOAMES:
No, that one‘s dead-dead too. He made sure he wouldn’t turn. Didn’t want any other Constables running around. Many of us had a good meal out of that before it spoiled.
SIMON:
Why is he still with it then?
MRS SOAMES:
Shouting at the body. Beating it mostly. Claiming how he wouldn’t have died so quickly if he were the Constable.
SIMON:
And of the gun?
MRS SOAMES:
Oh don’t be so paranoid. It’s right here.
MRS SOAMES produces a gun with a severed hand attached.
MRS SOAMES:
Made a nice meal out of the whole arm! Such a pretty gun as well.
SIMON:
Get rid of it.
MRS SOAMES:
Oh hush. It is less likely to hurt anyone if I hold onto it.
SIMON:
Fine, just stay away from Gibbs.
MRS SOAMES:
Oh you make it seem like he came with an army.
SIMON:
I don’t have time for this.
SIMON STIMSON and MRS SOAMES exit.
STAGE MANAGER:
Well it looks like we have ourselves a second act…Oh stop being a little bitch Joe! All the bad people are gone now.
JOE CROWELL peeks out from the back of the stage but then goes back into hiding.
STAGE MANAGER:
Fine, be that way. Lets move time forward a bit and switch our scene back to George and company.
GEORGE GIBBS, REBECCA GIBBS and DOC GIBBS all walk on stage.
GEORGE:
Any questions on the plan?
REBECCA:
Did we not just get done talking about it?
GEORGE:
Yeah, but that was during the intermission.
REBECCA:
So?
GEORGE:
*Sigh* Bitchsayswhat?
REBECCA:
What?
GEORGE:
Nice.
DOC GIBBS:
We’re not going anywhere with out the Webb family.
GEORGE:
Just don’t mention the part where I re-killed their son.
REBECCA:
With all the dead family members we’ve been running into, I’m surprised we haven’t seen Emily yet.
STAGE MANAGER:
*Throws the script at REBECCA* Did she even READ the fucking script?
DOC GIBBS:
*Knocks on the door to the Webb house* Charles? Myrtle? Anyone home?
MR WEBB:
Oh my, what a day this is turning into.
MR WEBB opens his door and lets everyone in.
MR WEBB:
What the hell is HE doing back here?
GEORGE:
Uh…so…do I still get to call you dad?
DOC GIBBS:
Never mind that. Charles, we need to get out of here. You notice that the dead have been rising?
MR WEBB:
Yes, actually. Ol’ Howie Newsome said something like that when we let him and the paperboy in earlier. Both looked like a mess. I asked if I should fetch you, Doc, but they both said something about how useless they should be.
DOC GIBBS:
Where are they now?
MR WEBB:
In the back, laying down. Haven’t caused me or the missus much trouble. Complained about being hungry is all, just sent Myrtle in back with some soup to take care of that.
GEORGE GIBBS cocks his shotgun.
DOC GIBBS:
Charles, this is important, I need to see the both of them.
MR WEBB:
That shouldn’t be any trouble. Here they come now. Hey boys, guess who just walked…oh my. What happened?
HOWIE NEWSOME and SI CROWELL enter. Both are covered in blood, HOWIE NEWSOME is carrying an entire leg while SI CROWELL has a long strand of intestine.
MR WEBB:
Whatcha boys got there?
SI:
Your wife.
MR WEBB:
…Wut?
GEORGE:
Step aside.
HOWIE:
We’re still so hungry!
GEORGE:
I got ya covered.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots HOWIE NEWSOME in the chest, causing him to fall backwards to the ground while SI CROWELL lunges forward. MR WEBB hides behind GEORGE GIBBS while DOC GIBBS pulls a scalpel from his pocket and stabs SI CROWELL in the chest then kicks him to the ground.
MR WEBB:
What’s going on here?
REBECCA:
They aren’t dead?
SI CROWELL and HOWIE NEWSOME both rise to their feet and go back on the attack.
GEORGE:
Let’s see ‘em get up after this.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots SI CROWELL in the head, cocks and aims for HOWIE NEWSOME.
DOC GIBBS:
George, wait! Leave Howie alive.
GEORGE:
Are you kidding me?
DOC GIBBS:
I didn’t say he needed to walk though.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots HOWIE NEWSOME in the knees, bringing him to the ground again. DOC GIBBS runs over and pins his arms down.
DOC GIBBS:
Anybody, hold his arms for me.
MR WEBB and REBECCA GIBBS each hold down one of HOWIE NEWSOMEs arms while GEORGE GIBBS stood over him aiming his shotgun.
DOC GIBBS:
Howie? Are you still with us?
HOWIE:
I never left Doc. Let me go everyone, I feel much better now.
DOC GIBBS:
Forgive us if we don’t believe you.
DOC GIBBS bends over and places his fingers on HOWIE NEWSOMEs neck.
GEORGE:
Uh, dad? What are you doing?
DOC GIBBS:
Checking for a pulse, but I’m not getting anything.
GEORGE:
He’s dead, dad. I could’ve told you that.
DOC GIBBS:
Alright, smartass, how would you know?
GEORGE:
I shot him in the chest, remember?
HOWIE:
I ain’t dead. I don’t feel dead at least.
DOC GIBBS:
Right…so Howie, why did you and Si kill Mrs Webb?
HOWIE:
I was just so hungry.
DOC GIBBS:
She brought you soup.
HOWIE:
I can’t really explain it Doc, I just can’t stand the idea of normal food anymore. I need something…live.
DOC GIBBS:
Why did you attack us if you havent even finished Mrs Webb?
HOIWE:
She spoiled. She don’t taste all that good anymore.
REBECCA:
Who killed you, Howie?
HOWIE:
I ain’t dead.
REBECCA:
Well…who hurt you before?
HOWIE:
Simon did. He said he’d have killed me if I didn’t spoil so quickly. Never bothered to ask him what he meant, but I think it meant he didn’t kill me. He never did explain much too me before he and Mrs Gibbs let us go here.
DOC GIBBS:
Simon did kill you, Howie. Do you know where he came from?
HOWIE:
I guess the cemetery.
DOC GIBBS:
…George, I’m afraid there isn’t much else we can gather from our old friend Howie.
GEORGE:
Right. *Shoots HOWIE NEWSOME*
MR WEBB:
What happens now?
GEORGE:
We get the hell out of here.
DOC GIBBS:
Yes, Charles, I want you to go with my children. Help them get to the gas station.
GEORGE:
Dad, you’re talking as if you aren’t going with us.
DOC GIBBS:
I’m going to the cemetery, see if there is anything I can find out about all this.
GEORGE:
Then we’ll go with you.
DOC GIBBS:
No. Getting the gas is more important. I’ll meet you at your car and we’ll all escape together. But if there is any way of getting to the bottom of all this living dead nonsense, it would be at the source.
GEORGE:
That’s a pretty stupid idea. We should just leave and never look back.
DOC GIBBS:
Son, you’re talking as if you’re going to convince me otherwise.
GEORGE:
Fine, but when we get the car gassed up, I won’t wait for you if there’s trouble.
DOC GIBBS:
Yes, well, this wouldn’t be the first time you hightail it at the first sign of trouble.
Exit DOC GIBBS.
GEORGE:
…
REBECCA:
Well?
GEORGE:
What? Are you ready or what?
REBECCA:
Yeah, George, just waiting on you. Ready Mr Webb?
MR WEBB:
Oh we’re ready.
REBECCA:
Why are you carrying that leg?
MR WEBB:
Why would I ever leave my wife behind?
REBECCA:
Because she’s dead.
MR WEBB:
And where is your husband in all this?
REBECCA:
Dead...and then dead again when he got back up. The difference is I didn’t feel the need to take a souvenir.
MR WEBB:
Like you would even care enough. How many different husbands does that make for you?
REBECCA:
Whatever. This one would’ve been the one had he lived long enough…heh…I just realized we’re all widowed in here.
GEORGE:
Enough. Lets go.
REBECCA:
Well aren’t we all serious all of a sudden.
Exit GEORGE GIBBS, REBECCA GIBBS and MR WEBB.
STAGE MANAGER:
Scene shift time! Time to meet another beloved undead favorite!
Enter SIMON STIMSON and WARREN from opposite sides.
SIMON:
Warren? Are you wearing the Constables clothing?
WARREN:
I’m the new-old Constable! It feels right this way.
SIMON:
Whatever helps you cope. How goes the numbers swelling?
WARREN:
As well as Mrs Gibbs had hoped.
SIMON:
Her wishes are no longer a priority.
WARREN:
Is that so?
SIMON:
Warren? Why do you want to leave Grover’s Corners?
WARREN:
I…Well…It seems like the thing to do. Spread ourselves and conquer. We’ll eat like kings!
SIMON:
No. I never saw it that way. We don’t NEED food, we’re dead. We can go long stretches without eating other people.
WARREN:
So what do you suggest.
SIMON:
I’m more interested in reclaiming our home. Grover’s Corners once belonged to us. Then our time came and we left. But we’re back now, so why not take back what is ours.
WARREN:
I don’t think many others would like that idea.
SIMON:
Yes well, most of the naysayers are the more recent dead. They aren't as disconnected to the human need as we are.
WARREN:
Wouldn’t wanting to stay and reclaim your home qualify as a human need?
SIMON:
This coming from a man who felt the need to retake his mantle as Constable.
WARREN:
Ok, I can see your point.
SIMON:
I just see no need to go out and conquer when we could just stay here and let people come to us.
WARREN:
It does sound easier.
SIMON:
Yes, and less likely we run into people with shotguns.
WARREN:
But how can we last with intermittent victims?
SIMON:
We’ve wasted plenty of spoiled meat. I’m sure there are better preservation methods. We can just kill someone and prevent their turning, then preserve the body so it doesn’t spoil.
WARREN:
That sounds like a lot of work.
SIMON:
It’s easier, trust me. Plus, we wont have to share as much.
WARREN:
Well if you put it that way…
SIMON:
We can figure something for preservation. Remember when that Craig boy stumbled into the cemetery a week ago? We killed him and took him to the river. Idea was we could submerge him in the water and he wouldn’t spoil. Didn’t work but now we control the town. We can figure out a way to get it done.
WARREN:
I would like to go back to the old days. We could live life, and live it like we all said we would when we were just talking in the graveyard.
SIMON:
Sure, Warren, sure.
WARREN:
I’m sure Mrs Gibbs would like the idea.
SIMON:
How many time do I have to tell you, you goit, Julia Gibbs is dead for good now.
WARREN:
Not THAT Mrs Gibbs.
SIMON:
Oh…Well, best not to bother her right now.
Exit SIMON STIMSON and WARREN.
STAGE MANAGER:
(Nonchalantly) New scene, whatever.
Exit STAGE MANAGER.
STAGE MANAGER: (offstage)
Ya know I played a bigger role in the original…fuckers…
Enter GEORGE GIBBS, REBECA GIBBS and MR WEBB.
REBECCA:
Look at all these dead people.
MR WEBB:
They don’t look devoured though. They’ve been run over. What else could kill them?
Enter BASEBALL PLAYER.
BASEBALL PLAYER:
Run for your lives!
GEORGE:
We know, we know. Zombies.
BASEBALL PLAYER:
Fuck the zombies. I’m talking about the horse!
Enter BESSIE as a zombie horse. BESSIE runs through, trampling BASEBALL PLAYER and killing him.
REBECCA:
Wait, wasn’t the horse just imaginary an act ago?
GEORGE:
Get down!
GEORGE GIBBS shoots the horse as it runs back, but does little damage. As it makes another pass, GEORGE GIBBS shoots out one of its legs, causing it to topple over.
GEORGE:
This is getting ridiculous.
JOE CROWELL: (offstage)
I’ll say, Gibbs.
Enter JOE CROWELL.
JOE:
Just a second. Can never be too sure.
JOE CROWELL pulls out a gun and puts a round through BESSIEs eye. He then points the gun at GEORGE GIBBS.
GEORGE:
Just hold on a moment, Joe. I’m not one of them.
JOE:
I don’t believe in coincidences, George. You’re gonna tell me why the dead are attacking and you so conveniently arrive at the same time?
REBECCA:
That’s the Constable’s gun! How’d you get it?
JOE:
He’s dead. Mrs Soames had it. I snuck up and beat a rock over her head and took the gun. I’d hate to waste the bullet, Gibbs, so what do you have to do with all this?
GEORGE:
I have no idea why any of this is happening. I’m just trying to get out of here with my family.
JOE:
Now that’s a change of pace for you. Makes me wonder why you even left.
GEORGE:
Look, we can either stand here and talk, or we can get to the gas station and get the hell out of here.
JOE:
You ain’t getting within five feet of that station with just a shotgun.
REBECCA:
We can get a hell of a lot closer with your help.
JOE:
Like this pea shooter will do anything.
MR WEBB:
Well you won’t last long on your own in any case.
JOE:
Guess I have no choice, but this conversation isn’t over Gibbs.
GEORGE:
Fine, whatever.
JOE:
One more question though. Why is Webb carrying a leg?
REBECCA:
Please don’t ask.
Exit GEORGE GIBBS, JOW CROWELL, REBECCA GIBBS and MR WEBB. A moment passes but the STAGE MANAGER doesn’t return. Another moment passes and DOC GIBBS walks on stage.
DOC GIBBS:
Well folks, it seems our host seems to have taken the lack of lines a bit personally. Lucky for you I can fill in for at least a scene transition, while the Stage Manager rewrites himself into the next act. It isn’t much; We’re just moving forward in time just a little and changing locations. Now we move to the heart of Grover’s Corners, home of many landmarks such as the church and the only gas station for miles. Our party of survivors are just arriving.
Exit DOC GIBBS. GEORGE GIBBS enters slowly, aiming his shotgun. He surveys the area, nods, then waves in JOE CROWELL, MR WEBB and REBECCA GIBBS.
JOE:
We’re almost there. Just a bit further.
REBECCA:
How are we getting the gas back to the car?
JOE:
There should be containers around to carry the gas in. We need much, George?
GEORGE:
Not much. Just enough to cross back into Massachusetts. From there we can get help and more gas.
MR WEBB:
Where are we going, exactly?
GEORGE:
I’m going home. Home-home I mean. I didn’t come here to move back.
JOE:
Then why the hell are you here? I still think it’s suspicious.
REBECCA:
Then why are you even with us now?
JOE:
Suspicious or not, my best shot at surviving lies with the guy with the biggest gun.
GEORGE:
You’re all welcome to stay with me, except you Joe.
JOE:
Fuck you.
MR WEBB:
I can’t imagine living anywhere buy Grover’s Corners.
JOE:
You’re welcome to stay here, old man. As for the rest of us, the gas station is right there.
Everyone walks forward, GEORGE GIBBS stops short.
REBECCA:
What’s wrong, George?
GEORGE:
I couldn’t go ten feet before without running into a dead person. Now we’re in the heart of town and not a damn thing.
JOE:
Think they’re smart enough to set a trap?
GEORGE:
They’ve been doing nothing but setting traps. My own mother tried to play me.
REBECCA:
Should we run then? This does seem too easy.
PROFESSOR WILLARD: (off stage)
I believe that would be a futile effort now, I’m afraid.
Enter PROFESSOR WILLARD, WARREN, SIMON STIMSON and several other ZOMBIES, all surrounding the area.
JOE:
That’s a lot of fucking dead people.
GEORGE:
How did you even know we we’re coming?
SIMON:
Well when word passes around that the one and only George Gibbs is waltzing his way into town even when the dead are attacking, there can be only one reason, especially since we all knew you got a shiny new Ford all those years ago. So we decided to pull back and let you walk unsuspected right into our little homecoming party.
GEORGE:
How do you think this is gonna end, Stimson? We’re armed and you’re halfway decayed.
WILLARD:
You’ve two guns and a leg between the four of you. How long can you possibly last against the dozens of us?
WILLARD:
Contrary to what you may think, George, we don’t want to kill you. Not right away at least. Someone wants to talk to you, alive. You and Webb. You should get going now, before an accident happens.
JOE:
What about-
SIMON:
I’m afraid you’re little more than an appetizer now, you and the woman.
GEORGE:
Well I guess that does it. Only one option left, right Joe?
JOE:
Damn right, Gibbs.
GEORGE GIBBS and JOE CROWELL open fire at the ZOMBIES as they close in on the living. The lights dim. A single light illuminates the center of the stage as the Stage Manager walks out and under it.
STAGE MANAGER:
That concludes out second act. Few minutes intermission then make sure you get your asses back for the final act. You don’t want to miss it.
October 16, 2011
Safe Haven - Dead End
[...Posted by Ted H]
Depending on what account you follow, this whole chase sequence has been going on since July...thats a lot of running. Now at least I can move on into zombie action!
----------------------------------------
[Safe Haven - Dead End]
New ResEs were around. Jake had given the first three the slip but not enough where the rest couldn’t track him. “Almost there,” he breathed to himself as a trail of bullets kicked behind him. Two more ResEs had picked up on him. Jake dug deep and sprinted faster. A little farther and he would be home free.
He reached the outskirts and ducked through some debris. He wouldn’t be able to shake these two ResEs but that suited him just fine. “Turn a corner and…dead end,” he said to himself as he made the turn and slowed his pace. He was where he needed to be. The two ResEs shouted their direction as they rounded the corner after Jake, then backtracked so hard they fell over. Waiting for them at the dead end was Jake with several more Rogues flanking both sides, all guns readied.
Neither ResE had enough time to even utter one last swear before a wave of gunfire obliterated them. Most of the Rogues then quickly disappeared through the debris while two others remained around Jake.
“That’s what you get, bitch,” he said with a smile.
“I should’ve known you couldn’t avoid trouble,” Teto said.
“I’m more surprised that only two were after you,“ Johnson said as he eyed the bodies.
“More on the way,” Tucker called as he climbed down from debris.
“How many more?” Teto asked.
“More than we can take,” Tucker said as the four men ran off.
“Get to the rendezvous, we’re done for tonight,” Teto said “And if you don’t mind, Jake, we’ll be doing it with a little more stealth than you’ve exhibited.”
“I had my reasons.”
“I’ll bet.”
****************
“You don’t wanna know,” a ResE said as Kendall approached where the end of the chase had been. “He got away,” Jezus said as he kicked a rock before screaming into his radio “Thanks for the help, Bell. Where the fuck are you?”
Leo and Mother-Lover. Two other ResEs Kendall never bothered getting to know laid dead at the dead end, bodies pumped so full of lead it left no question as to why they didn’t even get a shot of their own off. “This was a set up,” he said “Fucker led them right into a trap.” Jezus walked over, giving up on contacting his partner. “I doubt this was a trap,” he said “Unless the plan all along was to race through half the sector on rooftops.” Kendall stared for a moment. “What was the plan then?”
Jezus looked around the area for a moment before answering. “Odds are they all met up here, the other Rogues, unless you think one man did all that. Not a trap as much as a rendezvous. Those two walked right into a hornets nest. Tough break though for them. Good thing we lost them though, that could just have easily been us.” Kendall shook his head before addressing the other ResEs “Spread out, find out where that fucker went!” He then looked back at Jezus who was laughing.
“What’s so funny?” he asked. “You really think you can find any Rogues now?” Jezus asked “It’s over tonight, they’ve all made for the hills by now.” Kendall balled his hands into fists. “That guy killed my partner, and two others we know about, maybe more. You really think I’ll just give up now?” Jezus sneered “Yeah yeah, the guy killed, maybe my partner too but you don’t see me crying in the street about it.” Kendall walked back up to Jezus “Then what do you suggest we do about it?” he asked. Jezus smiled. “I already have an idea.”
Depending on what account you follow, this whole chase sequence has been going on since July...thats a lot of running. Now at least I can move on into zombie action!
----------------------------------------
[Safe Haven - Dead End]
New ResEs were around. Jake had given the first three the slip but not enough where the rest couldn’t track him. “Almost there,” he breathed to himself as a trail of bullets kicked behind him. Two more ResEs had picked up on him. Jake dug deep and sprinted faster. A little farther and he would be home free.
He reached the outskirts and ducked through some debris. He wouldn’t be able to shake these two ResEs but that suited him just fine. “Turn a corner and…dead end,” he said to himself as he made the turn and slowed his pace. He was where he needed to be. The two ResEs shouted their direction as they rounded the corner after Jake, then backtracked so hard they fell over. Waiting for them at the dead end was Jake with several more Rogues flanking both sides, all guns readied.
Neither ResE had enough time to even utter one last swear before a wave of gunfire obliterated them. Most of the Rogues then quickly disappeared through the debris while two others remained around Jake.
“That’s what you get, bitch,” he said with a smile.
“I should’ve known you couldn’t avoid trouble,” Teto said.
“I’m more surprised that only two were after you,“ Johnson said as he eyed the bodies.
“More on the way,” Tucker called as he climbed down from debris.
“How many more?” Teto asked.
“More than we can take,” Tucker said as the four men ran off.
“Get to the rendezvous, we’re done for tonight,” Teto said “And if you don’t mind, Jake, we’ll be doing it with a little more stealth than you’ve exhibited.”
“I had my reasons.”
“I’ll bet.”
****************
“You don’t wanna know,” a ResE said as Kendall approached where the end of the chase had been. “He got away,” Jezus said as he kicked a rock before screaming into his radio “Thanks for the help, Bell. Where the fuck are you?”
Leo and Mother-Lover. Two other ResEs Kendall never bothered getting to know laid dead at the dead end, bodies pumped so full of lead it left no question as to why they didn’t even get a shot of their own off. “This was a set up,” he said “Fucker led them right into a trap.” Jezus walked over, giving up on contacting his partner. “I doubt this was a trap,” he said “Unless the plan all along was to race through half the sector on rooftops.” Kendall stared for a moment. “What was the plan then?”
Jezus looked around the area for a moment before answering. “Odds are they all met up here, the other Rogues, unless you think one man did all that. Not a trap as much as a rendezvous. Those two walked right into a hornets nest. Tough break though for them. Good thing we lost them though, that could just have easily been us.” Kendall shook his head before addressing the other ResEs “Spread out, find out where that fucker went!” He then looked back at Jezus who was laughing.
“What’s so funny?” he asked. “You really think you can find any Rogues now?” Jezus asked “It’s over tonight, they’ve all made for the hills by now.” Kendall balled his hands into fists. “That guy killed my partner, and two others we know about, maybe more. You really think I’ll just give up now?” Jezus sneered “Yeah yeah, the guy killed, maybe my partner too but you don’t see me crying in the street about it.” Kendall walked back up to Jezus “Then what do you suggest we do about it?” he asked. Jezus smiled. “I already have an idea.”
October 8, 2011
I Need A Smoke
[...Posted by Ted H]
Playoffs mean never having to say there will be an update...at least from me.
Lucky you though, since I found another relic from years gone by. A poem written when it was cool to smoke...ya know, before it became the new black.
"Our Town of the Dead" Act II might come next week...or maybe some little lecture Im writing about some certain playoff situation...
still pissed off over it by the way...
--------------------------------------
[I Need A Smoke]
I need a smoke
This is no joke
The moment to seize
To go out and freeze
And smoke away
All of this day
Of which has been shit
I'm throwing a fit
Cuz now I'm in hell
My pack is a shell
Son of a bitch
I'm starting to twitch
I've been out since six
And I need my fix
So if you don't mind my poke
Could I please bum a smoke?
Playoffs mean never having to say there will be an update...at least from me.
Lucky you though, since I found another relic from years gone by. A poem written when it was cool to smoke...ya know, before it became the new black.
"Our Town of the Dead" Act II might come next week...or maybe some little lecture Im writing about some certain playoff situation...
still pissed off over it by the way...
--------------------------------------
[I Need A Smoke]
I need a smoke
This is no joke
The moment to seize
To go out and freeze
And smoke away
All of this day
Of which has been shit
I'm throwing a fit
Cuz now I'm in hell
My pack is a shell
Son of a bitch
I'm starting to twitch
I've been out since six
And I need my fix
So if you don't mind my poke
Could I please bum a smoke?
October 2, 2011
Our Town of the Dead [Act I]
[...Posted by Ted H]
Heres Act I...said what I needed to yeaterday. Now if you excuse me, theres playoff baseball to be watching...
--------------------------------------
[Our Town of the Dead]
Act I
No curtain
No scenery
The STAGE MANAGER walks on stage and begins placing …stuff off to the side
STAGE MANAGER:
This play is called “Our Town of the Dead”, originally titled “Our Town on Fire” but was changed because we needed a less misleading title. This is a sequel nobody asked for, meant to follow a play written by Thornton Wilder. It was written, produced, directed and whatever by Ted H. In it you will see a bunch of actors who couldn’t get hired anywhere else and are only here because they’re desperate for a paycheck. The name of the town is Grover’s Corners, New Hampshire-just across the blah blah blah, no one really cares about where this place is, do they? I assume you can just google map it or something if you’re really interested. It’s dawn by the way, start of a very special day.
A rooster begins to crow, just before getting cut off in slaughter.
STAGE MANAGER:
It’s defiantly been quite a few years since that summer in 1913. I could give you another time consuming tour, but what use is it? Nothing’s the same, and pretty soon everything will change again. For instance, more cars now. Only horse left in regular use is Old Bessy. We call her Old Bessy now, by the way, on account of her not being too far from the one way trip to the glue factory. And if you remember that old dog that used to go to sleep on Main Street, well you’d be happy to hear that it’s still asleep…cause it got hit by a car. One day Cartwright comes rolling by in his fancy new car and BAM, no more dog. Didn’t seem too beat up about it either, that Cartwright, just pumped his fist up and screamed “First road kill, mother fuckers!”
HOWIE NEWSOME screams something inaudible to his horse off stage
Well I should get along to wrapping this monologue up. You might be wondering what the purpose of the story is this time around. “Didn’t they say what they needed to say the first time?” you might be asking. Well the truth is that tonight will be a very special night in Grover’s Corners. Its most infamous citizen is set to return and the town itself is set to go out under the most peculiar of circumstances.
JOE CROWELL and HOWIE NEWSOME (dragging an imaginary horse) enter from opposite sides
HOWIE:
Mornin’
JOE:
Hello, Howie. Bit cold this morning, don’t ya think?
HOWIE:
I’ll say. A bit out of season too. Bessys all mixed up over it. What are you doing up this early anyway?
JOE:
Well ya know, nothing to do around here since I graduated. Usually kill time in the mornings and sometimes help my brother out with the papers. You haven’t seen him though, have you?
HOWIE:
Can’t say that I have.
JOE:
Just isn’t like him to take this long.
HOWIE:
What could you possible do to kill time this early?
JOE:
Well there’s lots to do so long as there arent any people to distract you. I wander all over the place…well, except for the cemetery. I ain’t going anywhere near the cemetery on account of how Willard and his new friend have been creeping me out lately all up in that lab they have just outside the cemetery.
HOWIE:
Well if you aren’t doing anything productive, I passed the new constable earlier and he was looking for a drunk that’s been producing noise complaints.
JOE:
Like Mr Stimson?
HOWIE:
Ah yes. That takes me back. Haven’t had an entertaining drunk around here since Stimson hung himself. That man knew how to put ‘em back.
JOE:
Yup. Shame that his wife nagged him once too often though.
HOWIE:
I remember New Years 1907, damn fool drank every drop of alcohol. Danced on top of the counter at the soda shop afterwards. Then stumbled out the door without a word in search of a fuck, Rebecca Gibbs or his wife, or whoever he found first.
JOE:
I remember talking Baseball with the man, the few times he sobered up. Man loved Boston and couldn’t see how I cheered for the Cubs.
HOWIE:
A Cubs fan, eh?
JOE:
You bet. Won back-to-back titles, too. Simon said that wouldn’t happen again. “A cold day in hell when the Cubs win another championship” he said to be exact. He actually believed those Highlanders in New York have a better chance to win before the Cubs. I told him he was crazy, but he didn’t seem to care.
HOWIE:
Man, call me crazy, but all this talk about Simon, and I think that’s him right now walking down the street.
JOE:
You are crazy, Howie, but that man does bare a resemblance.
SIMON STIMSON shuffles his way slowly on stage, head down and approaching JOE CROWELL and HOWIE NEWSOME
HOWIE:
A…a little uncanny don’t you think? I swear that could be Simon. Even looks like the same clothes he was buried in.
JOE:
Nonsense. Simon Stimson has been dead for years.
JOE CROWELL approaches SIMON STIMSON
JOE:
Hey you! The constables been getting some complaints about you. You better stumble on home before you get into trouble.
HOWIE:
Man, he sure smells funny.
SIMON STIMSON raises his head, revealing his identity, also indicating the years of decomposition.
HOWIE:
Holy fucking shit! It IS Simon!
JOE:
I-I-I-I-I-I
SIMON:
Help…me…
JOE:
Did he..did he just talk?
HOWIE:
I think he needs help.
JOE:
Howie, the dead don’t need help.
HOWIE NEWSOME walks up to SIMON STIMSON
HOWIE:
Simon? It’s me, Howie Newsome. How can he help?
HOWIE NEWSOME turns to face JOE CROWELL
HOWIE:
Go fetch Doc Gibbs, Joe!
JOE:
Howie, I don’t think that’s-
SIMON:
I’m so hungry.
SIMON STIMSON lunges at HOWIE NEWSOME and bites into his neck
HOWIE:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Get it off!
HOWIE NEWSOME falls to the ground as SIMON STIMSON kneels down and take another bite
JOE:
I-I-I can’t. Howie, I…
JOE CROWELL runs off stage and into the crowd, arms up and screaming. SIMON STIMSON continues eating
HOWIE:
Run away, Bessy! Git out of here! Save yourself.
SIMON:
Now why would I even bother eating a horse? Maybe some of my friends would like your horse, but I have a perfectly fine meal right here.
HOWIE:
Friends?
SIMON:
Nothing you need to worry about anymore.
The STAGE MANAGER takes position in the middle of the stage, ignoring SIMON STIMSON as he drags HOWIE NEWSOME away.
STAGE MANAGER:
I believe it would be best if I filled you folks in better on a few things. Big changes happened in Grover’s Corners since we last met. After the death of his wife, George slowly lost his grip and walked away from his life. Left all his kids and ran off to Kentucky with the Goruslawski twins. A few years passed and a new faced entered Grover’s Corners, a man by the name of Birkin. He was a scientist of sorts, never elaborated to anyone beyond that. Birkin and Professor Willard hit it off easily and became friends. Set up a laboratory outside of Grover’s Corners, not too far from the cemetery. The two would come and go from the town every so often, but for the passed few months those visits became less and less until they stopped entering town all together. You notice something like that, especially when everyone else in town manages to hit up the grocery or drug store every day. Word slowly spread that Birkin was conducting experiments up in that lab and Willard was assisting him, though no one could venture a guess as to why they were set up so far from town and so close to the cemetery. Word also spread that something apparently went wrong but no one could bring themselves to approach the lab to investigate.
A trusting bunch we have here in Grover’s Corners. No one ever has a secret they wouldn’t share, and everyone’s too polite to go prying in where they don’t belong. Perhaps if they thought different, things wouldn’t be the way they are now. Oh well, no use trying to change what’s already in motion.
STAGE MANAGER glances off stage and smiles
STAGE MANAGER:
And if it isn’t the son of the devil himself, George Gibbs!
GEORGE GIBBS enters
GEORGE:
Not a drop of gas left in the tank and this town has the one gas station. What a fucking deal, doesn’t anyone else in town have a car? I might as well hitchhike back to Massachusetts.
SI CROWELL crawls into view, trailing blood as he moves
GEORGE:
Holy fucknuts! Si? What happened?
SI:
I was….delivering…but…it attacked…ripped out my…took my…
GEORGE:
Damn, stay with me. Who did this? What did they take?
SI:
My…my appendix.
GEORGE:
W-what? Si? Si! Si, say something! Don’t die on me!
WALLY WEBB walks into view, eating an appendix like an apple
WALLY:
Well if it isn’t the prodigal son, George Gibbs.
GEORGE:
Wally? No. Wally’s dead! What’s going on here? Who are you?
WALLY:
I’m your brother-in-law, and I’m very hungry.
GEORGE:
You killed Si, didn’t you?
WALLY:
I didn’t want to, I just wanted an appendix.
GEORGE:
Wally…why would you-
WALLY:
It wasn’t fair! I took it so I could replace mine! It’s only fair…
WALLY WEBB looks away as he finishes eating SI CROWELL’S appendix. He then turns back to see GEORGE GIBBS
WALLY:
I’m still hungry.
GEORGE:
What? Wally, wait…
WALLY:
I’ll kill you quick, George! Don’t worry.
GEORGE GIBBS takes off running in the direction he came from, WALLY WEBB gives chase.
MRS GIBBS: (off stage)
Oh that Wally Webb. He chased a perfectly good meal away before we could get in position.
MRS GIBBS enters accompanied by two ZOMBIES
ZOMBIE 1:
I believe that was your boy right there.
MRS GIBBS:
It makes no difference in the end. He tastes just the same as the rest of them.
ZOMBIE 2:
We’ve most likely overrun the town by now. Does one more meal really matter?
MRS GIBBS:
No, I suppose it wouldn’t. But it would be one meal we wouldn’t need to share with the others. There will be so many more others soon.
ZOMBIE 1:
And I’m already starving. What about that Crowell boy?
ZOMBIE 2:
He already spoiled. He’ll turn soon enough anyway. Another fuck up from that Webb boy. We should’ve let him run wild with the rest.
ZOMBIE 1:
What we should have done is leave him with his sister.
MRS GIBBS:
It wouldn’t have worked. Wally was too excited and too emotional to just leave behind. Let him have George.
ZOMBIE 1:
And if your son gets away?
MRS GIBBS:
I know where he will run to. Come, I am positively famished.
ZOMBIE 1:
And of the Crowell boy?
MRS GIBBS:
Drag him along, nibble if you so choose. He will need a little assistance when he turns anyway.
MRS GIBBS leaves and both ZOMBIES drag SI CROWELL as they follow. The STAGE MANAGER drags a chair and a chest on stage and arranges them to look like a car and its trunk.
STAGE MANAGER:
Lets check on George real quick, shall we?
GEORGE GIBBS runs back onto stage and runs up to the chair. He attempts to start his “car”
GEORGE:
C’mon you piece of shit! Start! C’MON!
George fails to start the car and gets out. He then runs to the back and opens the chest and roots through its contents. WALLY WEBB enters
WALLY:
End of the line, farmer boy.
GEORGE GIBBS pulls a shotgun out from the chest and points it at WALLY WEBB
WALLY:
Uh…wait. How do you…
GEORGE:
All us “farmer boys” get one. Not look precious for me.
WALLY:
Wait, George! Let’s talk about-
GEORGE GIBBS fires at WALLY WEBB, blowing away his head. WALLY WEBBS corpse falls over.
GEORGE:
Alright. Out of gas and I just killed my already dead brother-in-law. I need to get to town and find some gas, but there might be more of these things. Fuck, I sure picked a choice day to return home.
GEORGE GIBBS goes back to the chest and pockets all the extra shells and reloads his shotgun before taking off back to Grover’s Corners. The STAGE MANAGER drags away the chest, chair and WALLY WEBB, then takes his place in the center of the stage
STAGE MANAGER:
Lets change the scene. This place should be familiar. The Webb’s and Gibbs’ respective homes. In one house, Doc Gibbs is holding up with his daughter and current son-in-law, while Mr Webb and his wife are holding out in their own home. Outside we have a nice congregation of the dead, and newly dead.
From one side, SIMON STIMSON and HOWIE NEWSOME enter. MRS GIBBS enters from the other side, followed by both other ZOMBIES who are dragging SI CROWELL
SIMON:
He about to turn?
ZOMBIE 2:
Yup.
SIMON:
Stick him over by Newsome then.
The ZOMBIES dump SI CROWELL over by HOWIE NEWSOME
HOWIE:
I still don’t understand what’s happening.
ZOMBIE 1:
Patience. I only want to explain this once.
SI CROWELL wakes up and looks around in a daze.
SI:
What’s happening? What’s going on?
SIMON:
I don’t see how adding to our group is going to help us.
ZOMIBE 1:
It will once we spread out beyond the town.
ZOMBIE 2:
Yeah. Doesn’t take many of us to knock over a small town, but imagine how many it would take to take out a whole city.
SIMON:
I prefer quality over quantity any day.
SI:
Wait, what? I don’t understand.
HOWIE:
I’m with you on that, Si. But I do feel terrible. I think Doc Gibbs should give me a look when I get that chance.
MRS GIBBS:
You’re both dead, make no mistake. My husband, or any doctor for that matter, is of no use to you.
SI:
Then what’s this about?
MRS GIBBS:
This is no different than our own deaths, except you never had to leave your body. Eventually you will feel yourself detach from the trivial worries of life. What will linger however will be the hunger.
HOWIE:
Now that you mention it, I am feeling hungry. I think I’ll fix me a sandwich when I get home.
MRS GIBBS:
No, you wont. Sandwiches wont satisfy you anymore.
HOWIE:
Then what will?
MRS GIBBS attempts to speak, but stops herself. She smiles and looks to her fellow zombies behind her.
MRS GIBBS:
I have quite the idea.
SIMON:
What would that be?
MRS GIBBS:
Let them go.
ZOMBIE 1:
I thought we were gonna bring them up to speed?
MRS GIBBS:
Why not let them find out for themselves? Howie? Si? Pick a house. Let the people inside try to help you. When you finish, come out and we can continue our trip through town.
SI:
Finish what? What are you talking about?
MRS GIBBS:
You’ll know when it happens. Now pick.
SI:
Well…You said a doctor wouldn’t be able to help us, so I guess the Gibb home wont be of any more use than the Webb. And no offense Mrs Gibbs, but I just plain don’t like you right now, or your intentions, dead or not, so I think I’ll take my chances with the Webbs.
MRS GIBBS:
So be it.
HOWIE:
I think we should stick together, Si. Even warn the Webbs about what’s happening out here.
MRS GIBBS:
Fine, sure. Warn them about us. But I promise you we won’t harm the Webbs. We won’t need to.
HOWIE:
Lets go, Si. *Knocks on the Webb’s front door* Mr Webb? Anyone? Please open up! It’s Howie Newsome and I need help, please!
MR WEBB:
Howie? *Opens door* You look terrible. Oh my, and Si as well! Were you both attacked? We’ve been hearing the craziest things about the dead walking about. Myrtle, prepare a couple beds!
HOWIE NEWSOME and SI CROWELL enter the Webb home and walk off stage with MR WEBB
SIMON:
What, may I ask, will that accomplish?
MRS GIBBS:
They’ll kill the Webbs for us. Besides, my son is coming and this might be our last chance to get a solitary meal without having to share.
ZOMBIE 1:
What about the Gibbs’ in the house right now?
MRS GIBBS:
We can eat them after.
SIMON:
Nonsense. You two can eat the boy when he arrives. Mrs Gibbs, we can get inside now and eat the rest of your family.
MRS GIBBS:
Oh, and you have a plan to do so?
SIMON:
Yes, simple but effective. Not every plan needs to be overly complicated. The simpler the better sometimes. Just follow me around back.
ZOMBIE 2:
Why do we need to share one guy while you two eat everyone inside?
SIMON:
Because you two are useless to the plan. No one will let any of us into their home as easily as Newsome and Crowell because people think those two are still alive. No one will just open their door to us because we’ve been dead too long to fool anyone. Now stop arguing with me and maybe we can all eat. You can either both share one meal with each other, or share with all four of us. Which will it be?
ZOMBIE 1:
Uh…you two go on ahead. We got the Gibbs boy.
SIMON STIMSON and MRS GIBBS disappear around back while the ZOMBIES remain in front.
ZOMBIE 2:
What was that about?
ZOMBIE 1:
Odds are, they might fail. At least we’re guaranteed to get a meal, and we wont have to share now.
ZOMBIE 2:
Oh. Good thinking.
ZOMBIE 1:
Shit, here comes that boy now. Hide.
GEORGE GIBBS enters right after the two ZOMBIE crouch down and hide
ZOMBIE 1:
Way to fall into a trap, Gibbs!
ZOMBIE 2:
Get him!
GEORGE GIBBS immediately headshots one zombie with his shotgun before pushing the other to the ground.
ZOMBIE 1:
No one told me he was armed!
GEORGE GIBBS kills the remaining ZOMBIE
GEORGE:
Fuck. There are more or them. Hopefully dad and Rebecca are alright.
GEORGE GIBBS runs up to his old houses front door and starts pounding
GEORGE:
Let me in! Please!
DOC GIBBS:
Find somewhere else to stay!
GEORGE:
It’s me, dad. George!
DOC GIBBS:
I’m not falling for that one!
GEORGE:
Just open the door and look at me!
DOC GIBBS:
You must think I’m some kind of idiot.
GEORGE:
Well…Kinda, but not for the reasons you think.
Glass breaks off stage followed by REBECCA GIBBS screaming
DOC GIBBS:
Oh no!
GEORGE:
I’m coming in!
GEORGE GIBBS kicks in the door and rushes in. REBECCA GIBBS runs to DOC GIBBS
DOC GIBBS:
Rebecca, where’s your husband?
REBECCA:
They got him. We were in back looking out the window when suddenly Simon Stimson reached through the window…and…and…
GEORGE:
They’re in the house now?
DOC GIBBS:
George? It’s really you? Wait, Simon Stimson? Are you sure?
REBECCA:
He wasn’t alone.
GEORGE:
Who else?
MRS GIBBS: (off stage)
Ah, if it isn’t my loving family.
Enter MRS GIBBS
GEORGE:
HuZuh?
DOC GIBBS:
Julia…
REBECCA:
…mom?
MRS GIBBS:
Oh how I missed you all. Come to me. All of you.
REBECCA GIBBS begins to run to MRS GIBBS, DOC GIBBS is motionless and GEORGE GIBBS cocks his shotgun and pulls REBECCA GIBBS back.
REBECCA:
What do you think you’re doing?
DOC GIBBS:
George, put the gun down. That’s your mother.
GEORGE:
We buried her, remember?
MRS GIBBS:
I’m alright now, honey. I just want my family back.
DOC GIBBS:
George, put the damn gun down.
GEORGE:
I met Wally Webb earlier. He killed Si Crowell and came after me. Something’s wrong here. These aren’t the people we knew and loved!
MRS GIBBS: (To off stage where Simon is)
I don’t think this plan is gonna work. If you don’t mind, I’m just going to kill them anyway.
REBECCA:
…What?
MRS GIBBS:
Come to momma!
MRS GIBBS lunges at REBECCA GIBBS and grabs her arm. DOC GIBBS attempts to intervene but stops when he sees SIMON STIMSON enter.
SIMON:
(Sigh) No one ever wants to commit to a good plan.
MRS GIBBS attempts to bite REBECCA GIBBS but GEORGE GIBBS grabs her by the hair and yanks her away.
MRS GIBBS:
Is that any way to treat your mother?
GEORGE:
No. And neither is this.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots MRS GIBBS point blank in the face, killing her.
SIMON:
No one told me her was armed!
SIMON STIMSON runs off stage. GEORGE GIBBS gives chase but shortly returns.
GEORGE:
He got away out the window.
DOC GIBBS:
Seriously. I need to know exactly what’s going on. The dead are walking around, killing people? And why the hell are you back all of a sudden?
GEORGE:
I have nothing to do with this, I swear. We need to get out of here though. I’ve got a car, it just needs gas. We can get to town, get some and get the hell out of here.
DOC GIBBS:
And how are we doing that with these…things running around?
GEORGE:
I…Don’t know. At least not yet.
REBECCA:
Is Simon coming back? Is he gonna bring more of those things?
No one answers. The lights dim until only the Stage Manager is lit up in the middle of the stage.
STAGE MANAGER:
As you can all see. Things are only just beginning to take shape. I think now would be a good time to end the first act. Smoke em if you got em!
Heres Act I...said what I needed to yeaterday. Now if you excuse me, theres playoff baseball to be watching...
--------------------------------------
[Our Town of the Dead]
Act I
No curtain
No scenery
The STAGE MANAGER walks on stage and begins placing …stuff off to the side
STAGE MANAGER:
This play is called “Our Town of the Dead”, originally titled “Our Town on Fire” but was changed because we needed a less misleading title. This is a sequel nobody asked for, meant to follow a play written by Thornton Wilder. It was written, produced, directed and whatever by Ted H. In it you will see a bunch of actors who couldn’t get hired anywhere else and are only here because they’re desperate for a paycheck. The name of the town is Grover’s Corners, New Hampshire-just across the blah blah blah, no one really cares about where this place is, do they? I assume you can just google map it or something if you’re really interested. It’s dawn by the way, start of a very special day.
A rooster begins to crow, just before getting cut off in slaughter.
STAGE MANAGER:
It’s defiantly been quite a few years since that summer in 1913. I could give you another time consuming tour, but what use is it? Nothing’s the same, and pretty soon everything will change again. For instance, more cars now. Only horse left in regular use is Old Bessy. We call her Old Bessy now, by the way, on account of her not being too far from the one way trip to the glue factory. And if you remember that old dog that used to go to sleep on Main Street, well you’d be happy to hear that it’s still asleep…cause it got hit by a car. One day Cartwright comes rolling by in his fancy new car and BAM, no more dog. Didn’t seem too beat up about it either, that Cartwright, just pumped his fist up and screamed “First road kill, mother fuckers!”
HOWIE NEWSOME screams something inaudible to his horse off stage
Well I should get along to wrapping this monologue up. You might be wondering what the purpose of the story is this time around. “Didn’t they say what they needed to say the first time?” you might be asking. Well the truth is that tonight will be a very special night in Grover’s Corners. Its most infamous citizen is set to return and the town itself is set to go out under the most peculiar of circumstances.
JOE CROWELL and HOWIE NEWSOME (dragging an imaginary horse) enter from opposite sides
HOWIE:
Mornin’
JOE:
Hello, Howie. Bit cold this morning, don’t ya think?
HOWIE:
I’ll say. A bit out of season too. Bessys all mixed up over it. What are you doing up this early anyway?
JOE:
Well ya know, nothing to do around here since I graduated. Usually kill time in the mornings and sometimes help my brother out with the papers. You haven’t seen him though, have you?
HOWIE:
Can’t say that I have.
JOE:
Just isn’t like him to take this long.
HOWIE:
What could you possible do to kill time this early?
JOE:
Well there’s lots to do so long as there arent any people to distract you. I wander all over the place…well, except for the cemetery. I ain’t going anywhere near the cemetery on account of how Willard and his new friend have been creeping me out lately all up in that lab they have just outside the cemetery.
HOWIE:
Well if you aren’t doing anything productive, I passed the new constable earlier and he was looking for a drunk that’s been producing noise complaints.
JOE:
Like Mr Stimson?
HOWIE:
Ah yes. That takes me back. Haven’t had an entertaining drunk around here since Stimson hung himself. That man knew how to put ‘em back.
JOE:
Yup. Shame that his wife nagged him once too often though.
HOWIE:
I remember New Years 1907, damn fool drank every drop of alcohol. Danced on top of the counter at the soda shop afterwards. Then stumbled out the door without a word in search of a fuck, Rebecca Gibbs or his wife, or whoever he found first.
JOE:
I remember talking Baseball with the man, the few times he sobered up. Man loved Boston and couldn’t see how I cheered for the Cubs.
HOWIE:
A Cubs fan, eh?
JOE:
You bet. Won back-to-back titles, too. Simon said that wouldn’t happen again. “A cold day in hell when the Cubs win another championship” he said to be exact. He actually believed those Highlanders in New York have a better chance to win before the Cubs. I told him he was crazy, but he didn’t seem to care.
HOWIE:
Man, call me crazy, but all this talk about Simon, and I think that’s him right now walking down the street.
JOE:
You are crazy, Howie, but that man does bare a resemblance.
SIMON STIMSON shuffles his way slowly on stage, head down and approaching JOE CROWELL and HOWIE NEWSOME
HOWIE:
A…a little uncanny don’t you think? I swear that could be Simon. Even looks like the same clothes he was buried in.
JOE:
Nonsense. Simon Stimson has been dead for years.
JOE CROWELL approaches SIMON STIMSON
JOE:
Hey you! The constables been getting some complaints about you. You better stumble on home before you get into trouble.
HOWIE:
Man, he sure smells funny.
SIMON STIMSON raises his head, revealing his identity, also indicating the years of decomposition.
HOWIE:
Holy fucking shit! It IS Simon!
JOE:
I-I-I-I-I-I
SIMON:
Help…me…
JOE:
Did he..did he just talk?
HOWIE:
I think he needs help.
JOE:
Howie, the dead don’t need help.
HOWIE NEWSOME walks up to SIMON STIMSON
HOWIE:
Simon? It’s me, Howie Newsome. How can he help?
HOWIE NEWSOME turns to face JOE CROWELL
HOWIE:
Go fetch Doc Gibbs, Joe!
JOE:
Howie, I don’t think that’s-
SIMON:
I’m so hungry.
SIMON STIMSON lunges at HOWIE NEWSOME and bites into his neck
HOWIE:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Get it off!
HOWIE NEWSOME falls to the ground as SIMON STIMSON kneels down and take another bite
JOE:
I-I-I can’t. Howie, I…
JOE CROWELL runs off stage and into the crowd, arms up and screaming. SIMON STIMSON continues eating
HOWIE:
Run away, Bessy! Git out of here! Save yourself.
SIMON:
Now why would I even bother eating a horse? Maybe some of my friends would like your horse, but I have a perfectly fine meal right here.
HOWIE:
Friends?
SIMON:
Nothing you need to worry about anymore.
The STAGE MANAGER takes position in the middle of the stage, ignoring SIMON STIMSON as he drags HOWIE NEWSOME away.
STAGE MANAGER:
I believe it would be best if I filled you folks in better on a few things. Big changes happened in Grover’s Corners since we last met. After the death of his wife, George slowly lost his grip and walked away from his life. Left all his kids and ran off to Kentucky with the Goruslawski twins. A few years passed and a new faced entered Grover’s Corners, a man by the name of Birkin. He was a scientist of sorts, never elaborated to anyone beyond that. Birkin and Professor Willard hit it off easily and became friends. Set up a laboratory outside of Grover’s Corners, not too far from the cemetery. The two would come and go from the town every so often, but for the passed few months those visits became less and less until they stopped entering town all together. You notice something like that, especially when everyone else in town manages to hit up the grocery or drug store every day. Word slowly spread that Birkin was conducting experiments up in that lab and Willard was assisting him, though no one could venture a guess as to why they were set up so far from town and so close to the cemetery. Word also spread that something apparently went wrong but no one could bring themselves to approach the lab to investigate.
A trusting bunch we have here in Grover’s Corners. No one ever has a secret they wouldn’t share, and everyone’s too polite to go prying in where they don’t belong. Perhaps if they thought different, things wouldn’t be the way they are now. Oh well, no use trying to change what’s already in motion.
STAGE MANAGER glances off stage and smiles
STAGE MANAGER:
And if it isn’t the son of the devil himself, George Gibbs!
GEORGE GIBBS enters
GEORGE:
Not a drop of gas left in the tank and this town has the one gas station. What a fucking deal, doesn’t anyone else in town have a car? I might as well hitchhike back to Massachusetts.
SI CROWELL crawls into view, trailing blood as he moves
GEORGE:
Holy fucknuts! Si? What happened?
SI:
I was….delivering…but…it attacked…ripped out my…took my…
GEORGE:
Damn, stay with me. Who did this? What did they take?
SI:
My…my appendix.
GEORGE:
W-what? Si? Si! Si, say something! Don’t die on me!
WALLY WEBB walks into view, eating an appendix like an apple
WALLY:
Well if it isn’t the prodigal son, George Gibbs.
GEORGE:
Wally? No. Wally’s dead! What’s going on here? Who are you?
WALLY:
I’m your brother-in-law, and I’m very hungry.
GEORGE:
You killed Si, didn’t you?
WALLY:
I didn’t want to, I just wanted an appendix.
GEORGE:
Wally…why would you-
WALLY:
It wasn’t fair! I took it so I could replace mine! It’s only fair…
WALLY WEBB looks away as he finishes eating SI CROWELL’S appendix. He then turns back to see GEORGE GIBBS
WALLY:
I’m still hungry.
GEORGE:
What? Wally, wait…
WALLY:
I’ll kill you quick, George! Don’t worry.
GEORGE GIBBS takes off running in the direction he came from, WALLY WEBB gives chase.
MRS GIBBS: (off stage)
Oh that Wally Webb. He chased a perfectly good meal away before we could get in position.
MRS GIBBS enters accompanied by two ZOMBIES
ZOMBIE 1:
I believe that was your boy right there.
MRS GIBBS:
It makes no difference in the end. He tastes just the same as the rest of them.
ZOMBIE 2:
We’ve most likely overrun the town by now. Does one more meal really matter?
MRS GIBBS:
No, I suppose it wouldn’t. But it would be one meal we wouldn’t need to share with the others. There will be so many more others soon.
ZOMBIE 1:
And I’m already starving. What about that Crowell boy?
ZOMBIE 2:
He already spoiled. He’ll turn soon enough anyway. Another fuck up from that Webb boy. We should’ve let him run wild with the rest.
ZOMBIE 1:
What we should have done is leave him with his sister.
MRS GIBBS:
It wouldn’t have worked. Wally was too excited and too emotional to just leave behind. Let him have George.
ZOMBIE 1:
And if your son gets away?
MRS GIBBS:
I know where he will run to. Come, I am positively famished.
ZOMBIE 1:
And of the Crowell boy?
MRS GIBBS:
Drag him along, nibble if you so choose. He will need a little assistance when he turns anyway.
MRS GIBBS leaves and both ZOMBIES drag SI CROWELL as they follow. The STAGE MANAGER drags a chair and a chest on stage and arranges them to look like a car and its trunk.
STAGE MANAGER:
Lets check on George real quick, shall we?
GEORGE GIBBS runs back onto stage and runs up to the chair. He attempts to start his “car”
GEORGE:
C’mon you piece of shit! Start! C’MON!
George fails to start the car and gets out. He then runs to the back and opens the chest and roots through its contents. WALLY WEBB enters
WALLY:
End of the line, farmer boy.
GEORGE GIBBS pulls a shotgun out from the chest and points it at WALLY WEBB
WALLY:
Uh…wait. How do you…
GEORGE:
All us “farmer boys” get one. Not look precious for me.
WALLY:
Wait, George! Let’s talk about-
GEORGE GIBBS fires at WALLY WEBB, blowing away his head. WALLY WEBBS corpse falls over.
GEORGE:
Alright. Out of gas and I just killed my already dead brother-in-law. I need to get to town and find some gas, but there might be more of these things. Fuck, I sure picked a choice day to return home.
GEORGE GIBBS goes back to the chest and pockets all the extra shells and reloads his shotgun before taking off back to Grover’s Corners. The STAGE MANAGER drags away the chest, chair and WALLY WEBB, then takes his place in the center of the stage
STAGE MANAGER:
Lets change the scene. This place should be familiar. The Webb’s and Gibbs’ respective homes. In one house, Doc Gibbs is holding up with his daughter and current son-in-law, while Mr Webb and his wife are holding out in their own home. Outside we have a nice congregation of the dead, and newly dead.
From one side, SIMON STIMSON and HOWIE NEWSOME enter. MRS GIBBS enters from the other side, followed by both other ZOMBIES who are dragging SI CROWELL
SIMON:
He about to turn?
ZOMBIE 2:
Yup.
SIMON:
Stick him over by Newsome then.
The ZOMBIES dump SI CROWELL over by HOWIE NEWSOME
HOWIE:
I still don’t understand what’s happening.
ZOMBIE 1:
Patience. I only want to explain this once.
SI CROWELL wakes up and looks around in a daze.
SI:
What’s happening? What’s going on?
SIMON:
I don’t see how adding to our group is going to help us.
ZOMIBE 1:
It will once we spread out beyond the town.
ZOMBIE 2:
Yeah. Doesn’t take many of us to knock over a small town, but imagine how many it would take to take out a whole city.
SIMON:
I prefer quality over quantity any day.
SI:
Wait, what? I don’t understand.
HOWIE:
I’m with you on that, Si. But I do feel terrible. I think Doc Gibbs should give me a look when I get that chance.
MRS GIBBS:
You’re both dead, make no mistake. My husband, or any doctor for that matter, is of no use to you.
SI:
Then what’s this about?
MRS GIBBS:
This is no different than our own deaths, except you never had to leave your body. Eventually you will feel yourself detach from the trivial worries of life. What will linger however will be the hunger.
HOWIE:
Now that you mention it, I am feeling hungry. I think I’ll fix me a sandwich when I get home.
MRS GIBBS:
No, you wont. Sandwiches wont satisfy you anymore.
HOWIE:
Then what will?
MRS GIBBS attempts to speak, but stops herself. She smiles and looks to her fellow zombies behind her.
MRS GIBBS:
I have quite the idea.
SIMON:
What would that be?
MRS GIBBS:
Let them go.
ZOMBIE 1:
I thought we were gonna bring them up to speed?
MRS GIBBS:
Why not let them find out for themselves? Howie? Si? Pick a house. Let the people inside try to help you. When you finish, come out and we can continue our trip through town.
SI:
Finish what? What are you talking about?
MRS GIBBS:
You’ll know when it happens. Now pick.
SI:
Well…You said a doctor wouldn’t be able to help us, so I guess the Gibb home wont be of any more use than the Webb. And no offense Mrs Gibbs, but I just plain don’t like you right now, or your intentions, dead or not, so I think I’ll take my chances with the Webbs.
MRS GIBBS:
So be it.
HOWIE:
I think we should stick together, Si. Even warn the Webbs about what’s happening out here.
MRS GIBBS:
Fine, sure. Warn them about us. But I promise you we won’t harm the Webbs. We won’t need to.
HOWIE:
Lets go, Si. *Knocks on the Webb’s front door* Mr Webb? Anyone? Please open up! It’s Howie Newsome and I need help, please!
MR WEBB:
Howie? *Opens door* You look terrible. Oh my, and Si as well! Were you both attacked? We’ve been hearing the craziest things about the dead walking about. Myrtle, prepare a couple beds!
HOWIE NEWSOME and SI CROWELL enter the Webb home and walk off stage with MR WEBB
SIMON:
What, may I ask, will that accomplish?
MRS GIBBS:
They’ll kill the Webbs for us. Besides, my son is coming and this might be our last chance to get a solitary meal without having to share.
ZOMBIE 1:
What about the Gibbs’ in the house right now?
MRS GIBBS:
We can eat them after.
SIMON:
Nonsense. You two can eat the boy when he arrives. Mrs Gibbs, we can get inside now and eat the rest of your family.
MRS GIBBS:
Oh, and you have a plan to do so?
SIMON:
Yes, simple but effective. Not every plan needs to be overly complicated. The simpler the better sometimes. Just follow me around back.
ZOMBIE 2:
Why do we need to share one guy while you two eat everyone inside?
SIMON:
Because you two are useless to the plan. No one will let any of us into their home as easily as Newsome and Crowell because people think those two are still alive. No one will just open their door to us because we’ve been dead too long to fool anyone. Now stop arguing with me and maybe we can all eat. You can either both share one meal with each other, or share with all four of us. Which will it be?
ZOMBIE 1:
Uh…you two go on ahead. We got the Gibbs boy.
SIMON STIMSON and MRS GIBBS disappear around back while the ZOMBIES remain in front.
ZOMBIE 2:
What was that about?
ZOMBIE 1:
Odds are, they might fail. At least we’re guaranteed to get a meal, and we wont have to share now.
ZOMBIE 2:
Oh. Good thinking.
ZOMBIE 1:
Shit, here comes that boy now. Hide.
GEORGE GIBBS enters right after the two ZOMBIE crouch down and hide
ZOMBIE 1:
Way to fall into a trap, Gibbs!
ZOMBIE 2:
Get him!
GEORGE GIBBS immediately headshots one zombie with his shotgun before pushing the other to the ground.
ZOMBIE 1:
No one told me he was armed!
GEORGE GIBBS kills the remaining ZOMBIE
GEORGE:
Fuck. There are more or them. Hopefully dad and Rebecca are alright.
GEORGE GIBBS runs up to his old houses front door and starts pounding
GEORGE:
Let me in! Please!
DOC GIBBS:
Find somewhere else to stay!
GEORGE:
It’s me, dad. George!
DOC GIBBS:
I’m not falling for that one!
GEORGE:
Just open the door and look at me!
DOC GIBBS:
You must think I’m some kind of idiot.
GEORGE:
Well…Kinda, but not for the reasons you think.
Glass breaks off stage followed by REBECCA GIBBS screaming
DOC GIBBS:
Oh no!
GEORGE:
I’m coming in!
GEORGE GIBBS kicks in the door and rushes in. REBECCA GIBBS runs to DOC GIBBS
DOC GIBBS:
Rebecca, where’s your husband?
REBECCA:
They got him. We were in back looking out the window when suddenly Simon Stimson reached through the window…and…and…
GEORGE:
They’re in the house now?
DOC GIBBS:
George? It’s really you? Wait, Simon Stimson? Are you sure?
REBECCA:
He wasn’t alone.
GEORGE:
Who else?
MRS GIBBS: (off stage)
Ah, if it isn’t my loving family.
Enter MRS GIBBS
GEORGE:
HuZuh?
DOC GIBBS:
Julia…
REBECCA:
…mom?
MRS GIBBS:
Oh how I missed you all. Come to me. All of you.
REBECCA GIBBS begins to run to MRS GIBBS, DOC GIBBS is motionless and GEORGE GIBBS cocks his shotgun and pulls REBECCA GIBBS back.
REBECCA:
What do you think you’re doing?
DOC GIBBS:
George, put the gun down. That’s your mother.
GEORGE:
We buried her, remember?
MRS GIBBS:
I’m alright now, honey. I just want my family back.
DOC GIBBS:
George, put the damn gun down.
GEORGE:
I met Wally Webb earlier. He killed Si Crowell and came after me. Something’s wrong here. These aren’t the people we knew and loved!
MRS GIBBS: (To off stage where Simon is)
I don’t think this plan is gonna work. If you don’t mind, I’m just going to kill them anyway.
REBECCA:
…What?
MRS GIBBS:
Come to momma!
MRS GIBBS lunges at REBECCA GIBBS and grabs her arm. DOC GIBBS attempts to intervene but stops when he sees SIMON STIMSON enter.
SIMON:
(Sigh) No one ever wants to commit to a good plan.
MRS GIBBS attempts to bite REBECCA GIBBS but GEORGE GIBBS grabs her by the hair and yanks her away.
MRS GIBBS:
Is that any way to treat your mother?
GEORGE:
No. And neither is this.
GEORGE GIBBS shoots MRS GIBBS point blank in the face, killing her.
SIMON:
No one told me her was armed!
SIMON STIMSON runs off stage. GEORGE GIBBS gives chase but shortly returns.
GEORGE:
He got away out the window.
DOC GIBBS:
Seriously. I need to know exactly what’s going on. The dead are walking around, killing people? And why the hell are you back all of a sudden?
GEORGE:
I have nothing to do with this, I swear. We need to get out of here though. I’ve got a car, it just needs gas. We can get to town, get some and get the hell out of here.
DOC GIBBS:
And how are we doing that with these…things running around?
GEORGE:
I…Don’t know. At least not yet.
REBECCA:
Is Simon coming back? Is he gonna bring more of those things?
No one answers. The lights dim until only the Stage Manager is lit up in the middle of the stage.
STAGE MANAGER:
As you can all see. Things are only just beginning to take shape. I think now would be a good time to end the first act. Smoke em if you got em!
October 1, 2011
A few words about the play I wrote...which Ill post tomorrow night
[...Posted by Ted H]
The play will be called "Our Town of the Dead" and it was inspired directly by Thornton Wilders play "Our Town"
So…Interesting conversation I had with my retail manager the other day. I told him about my plans for this weeks update, and how it was going to be a sequel to a play (Ill get into that more later). Basically the whole idea of parody and satire of other works, and a little bit of the concept of “fair use” and to what extent any of those concepts should be taken. It was mostly a one sided conversation on my part, but it allowed me to bring up points on the matter to myself at least.
I don’t normally encourage what I’m doing today-using characters, setting and such all done by someone else as a jumping off point for my own piece of writing, but its justified in my own eyes for the following reasons:
1-This stuff was written all back when I was in high school. I had some forced reading to endure and they were all boring. Very boring. “Our Town” was the first one and I decided to write a sequel play to is where something interesting happens. Two others followed and I kept the same play structure even though they were novels. This was all done before I was doing any serious writing and long before I formed my dark opinions on fan fiction and the like.
2-I have no intent to market this particular (or the other 2 “sequel plays” I have stashed) play for any financial gain should lightning strike and I actually become even the littlest bit famous. Seriously, I will never let myself make money off this...for a more thorough idea into my opinion of "making money only off stuff that is 100% your own intillectual property" check this out-> http://comicsovereasy.net/018/
3-The play as you will see it is hardly anything like it was when I originally wrote it, and the whole purpose to polishing it up and in some cases, rebuilding certain areas is more than just me wanting to put it out there. This play was a wreck when I wrote it, and reading it now makes me wonder why nobody slapped me when they read it. That however could be in the eye of the beholder. I redo it now, keep the originals and use them both as a timeline of sorts to gauge myself as a writer over the years. My writing skill in 2004 vs. today isn’t even close. So if anything, redoing it now and looking back on the whole thing in a few years can give me something to track my progress with. Everything I write is perfect looking when I write it, and if I can go back to it and marvel at how much better I am now, then at least I’m constantly improving. No one is ever done growing as a writer, and if you think you’re done growing, then that means you’ve capped and you should quit now cuz its all downhill from here.
Anyway, this play is meant to be a sequel play to a more well received play: “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder. I suggest you read the play yourself or at least look up the spark notes on it because I doubt you could follow along with my play as well if you don’t have the background info. I wrote this right after my English class had gone through it. I didn’t really let any of the info on the play sink in fully and wrote something ill conceived. I actually read the play a second time and while I’m sure I missed at least half the details, here are the things I missed while writing this thing in 2004: I had Constable Warren alive in the sequel when he was mentioned as already dead in Act III of the original (Sucked cuz I had him as the main character of the B plot in the sequel)…Joe Crowell could not conceivably be a paper boy still since he grew out of that role during the original play (at least I didn’t kill him off)…The dead in the original had a perfect frame of mind that I could use to explain their indifference to humanity in the sequel (instead I went with “Grahaha we’re zombies!”)
One thing I did get right, was I assumed the price of beans in the time period was 10 cents as part of a joke…turns out I knocked that one out of the park…sadly the joke did not survive the trip to the remake…
Best things I like about the remake: Its less slap-stick humor. It’s cleaner and more organized and kinda decent
Worst things: I sacrificed a ton of the humor for a better overall product. I still attempted to keep the humor high and the seriousness down as much as possible, so the tone tends to be schizophrenic between serious and idiotic, especially the mastermind-to-crazy bitch shift Mrs Gibbs takes.
Ultimaly, Im posting this because I like how the rewrite turned out. Hell, replace the character names and setting and it could be something totally original, but I kept things the same because it's more awesome this way, and it wouldnt exist if not for that original play by Mr Wilder...though I retain the right to use the "conscious detatchment to humanity by the undead" for future works...
Act I will be posted tomorrow night. Try to be cultured and read the original beforehand…it won a Pulitzer so how bad could it be?
The play will be called "Our Town of the Dead" and it was inspired directly by Thornton Wilders play "Our Town"
So…Interesting conversation I had with my retail manager the other day. I told him about my plans for this weeks update, and how it was going to be a sequel to a play (Ill get into that more later). Basically the whole idea of parody and satire of other works, and a little bit of the concept of “fair use” and to what extent any of those concepts should be taken. It was mostly a one sided conversation on my part, but it allowed me to bring up points on the matter to myself at least.
I don’t normally encourage what I’m doing today-using characters, setting and such all done by someone else as a jumping off point for my own piece of writing, but its justified in my own eyes for the following reasons:
1-This stuff was written all back when I was in high school. I had some forced reading to endure and they were all boring. Very boring. “Our Town” was the first one and I decided to write a sequel play to is where something interesting happens. Two others followed and I kept the same play structure even though they were novels. This was all done before I was doing any serious writing and long before I formed my dark opinions on fan fiction and the like.
2-I have no intent to market this particular (or the other 2 “sequel plays” I have stashed) play for any financial gain should lightning strike and I actually become even the littlest bit famous. Seriously, I will never let myself make money off this...for a more thorough idea into my opinion of "making money only off stuff that is 100% your own intillectual property" check this out-> http://comicsovereasy.net/018/
3-The play as you will see it is hardly anything like it was when I originally wrote it, and the whole purpose to polishing it up and in some cases, rebuilding certain areas is more than just me wanting to put it out there. This play was a wreck when I wrote it, and reading it now makes me wonder why nobody slapped me when they read it. That however could be in the eye of the beholder. I redo it now, keep the originals and use them both as a timeline of sorts to gauge myself as a writer over the years. My writing skill in 2004 vs. today isn’t even close. So if anything, redoing it now and looking back on the whole thing in a few years can give me something to track my progress with. Everything I write is perfect looking when I write it, and if I can go back to it and marvel at how much better I am now, then at least I’m constantly improving. No one is ever done growing as a writer, and if you think you’re done growing, then that means you’ve capped and you should quit now cuz its all downhill from here.
Anyway, this play is meant to be a sequel play to a more well received play: “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder. I suggest you read the play yourself or at least look up the spark notes on it because I doubt you could follow along with my play as well if you don’t have the background info. I wrote this right after my English class had gone through it. I didn’t really let any of the info on the play sink in fully and wrote something ill conceived. I actually read the play a second time and while I’m sure I missed at least half the details, here are the things I missed while writing this thing in 2004: I had Constable Warren alive in the sequel when he was mentioned as already dead in Act III of the original (Sucked cuz I had him as the main character of the B plot in the sequel)…Joe Crowell could not conceivably be a paper boy still since he grew out of that role during the original play (at least I didn’t kill him off)…The dead in the original had a perfect frame of mind that I could use to explain their indifference to humanity in the sequel (instead I went with “Grahaha we’re zombies!”)
One thing I did get right, was I assumed the price of beans in the time period was 10 cents as part of a joke…turns out I knocked that one out of the park…sadly the joke did not survive the trip to the remake…
Best things I like about the remake: Its less slap-stick humor. It’s cleaner and more organized and kinda decent
Worst things: I sacrificed a ton of the humor for a better overall product. I still attempted to keep the humor high and the seriousness down as much as possible, so the tone tends to be schizophrenic between serious and idiotic, especially the mastermind-to-crazy bitch shift Mrs Gibbs takes.
Ultimaly, Im posting this because I like how the rewrite turned out. Hell, replace the character names and setting and it could be something totally original, but I kept things the same because it's more awesome this way, and it wouldnt exist if not for that original play by Mr Wilder...though I retain the right to use the "conscious detatchment to humanity by the undead" for future works...
Act I will be posted tomorrow night. Try to be cultured and read the original beforehand…it won a Pulitzer so how bad could it be?
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