November 30, 2011

Safe Haven - Perry the Pimp (NaNoWriMo update #12)

[...Posted by Ted H]

Yes, Perry the Pimp is based off a real person (as are all the involved characters) God help us if he realizes his pimping potential...

NaNoWriMo ends tonight...
What more can I possibly say? I'm awesome!
Exact word count checks in at 50,028 cuz I literally stopped caring once I crossed the finish line...a little editing for the last 3 days that added maybe 12 words...
There will be an update Sunday, probably more SH...I plan on finally finishing the play before 2011 ends, so you have that to look forward to in addition to more SH...


[Safe Haven - Perry the Pimp]

The moment the door started to open, Kyle pushed it in and slammed the end of his rifle into the other person’s nose. The man stumbled backwards grabbing at his face before he finally fell on his ass. Kyle took a moment to look over the man and marveled at how ridiculous he looked. He was wearing a ripped and worn pair of jeans, a torn rag of a shirt and a pair of shoes that were held together by duct tape. But what made the outfit so out of the ordinary was he was also wearing a leopard print jacket and bright green rave shades.

“What the fuck is he suppose to be?” Nick said when he entered and got a good look of the man. “I think he thinks he’s a pimp,” Kyle said as he leveled his rifle with the man’s face. “Listen to me very carefully,” he said “Your life depends on it. A civilian wielding a rifle like the one in your face was seen running into this building. I’m gonna overlook how the doors were suddenly locked for me and give you a chance to make up for it. Where. Is. He. Tell me and I may not shoot you.”

The “pimp” didn’t say anything as he clutched his face while blood gushed out. “Man, you too good at intimidating,” Nick said “He gone shit himself.” he then walked towards another door “I think this a whore house. Imma go interrogate some ladies. Maybe they’ve seen something’.”

“Focus, Mean,” Kyle said as he kept his rifle trained on the pimps head. “Last chance,” he said. “B-back door,” he said while pointing a bloody hand to another door “He ran through and out the back.” Kyle nodded for Nick to check it out, but he never moved the gun away. “Now how can I trust you?” he said with a smile.

“C’mon, man,” the pimp pleaded “Big mother fucker, mud stained red shirt and curly black hair. He ran in, locked the doors and went out the back. Why would I protect him knowing you guys were obviously following?” Kyle though about it a moment, then finally lowered his gun and allowed the pimp to stand. Nick returned and shook his head. “There’s a back door alright but I didn’t see no sign of anyone. Fuckers either long gone or this kids a liar.”

“What’s your name?” Kyle asked the pimp. “P-Perry,” the man said.

“Well Perry the Pimp, here’s what’s gonna happen,” Kyle said as two more ResEs entered. “One of you cover that door, the other in the back. No one gets in or out. If they try and leave, shoot them,” he then turned back to Perry “We’re gonna round up everyone in here. That means you, your little whores and all your patrons and you better pray you’re telling me the truth. If we find who I think we’re gonna find here, then that means you lied to me. And if you lied to me, I’m gonna drag you outside this city myself and shoot you in the nuts, then watch as the masses tear you apart. One more time now, and this one’s for keeps: Is he here?”

“He’s not here,” Perry stated plainly, still holding his nose with one hand. Jezus entered and whistled. “Been a while since I’ve fucked around in here,” he said. “Keep watch here,” Kyle said “Nick and I are gonna round up the whole lot. That fucker’s in here somewhere.”


“I don’t understand what you want me to do,” the woman said as John closed the door and frantically kicked off his boxers and shoes. “Clothes off,” he said as he grabbed a top hat off the nearby dresser and sat down on the bed. “There’s a policy,” the woman explained “I only work when Perry says I’m working, not when Joe Shmoe comes in off the streets and grabs me.”

“You know enough,” John said “ResEs are looking for me and all they know for sure are my clothes. We need to act like we belong here or we’re fucked when they search the building.” The girl, still fully dressed, put one hand on her hip and shook her head at John. “So paranoid,” she said “How do you even-”

She was cut off from a scream down the hall, followed by a ResE screaming orders. “Not my first rodeo,” John said as he held the top hat in front of his crotch. “Shit,” the woman said as she walked over to the dresser and started digging though it. “What are you looking for?” he asked as the woman walked over with a tube of lubricant and squirted a large glob into her hands. “They’ll know your clothes and they’ll know your large head, dumbass,” she said as she ran her hands through Johns head. “I don’t have hair gel, but lube is the best we can do. Put the hat on,” she said as she knelt down between John’s legs.

“This would be a lot easier if you were hard,” she said as the door was kicked in and a ResE entered aiming a rifle. “Nobody fucking move!” he screamed. “What is it with the freaks today?” he said as he looked over John who was wearing just a top hat and a nervous smile. A black ResE entered next and took a glance at John and the woman. “Well shit,” he said with a smile as he slapped his partner “Don’t YOU look familiar!”

John was sweating bullets and being confronted by the ResEs he was running from not even five minutes ago. “You think this one’s the guy?” the white ResE asked. “Naw,” the black one said “I’m talkin’ about the bitch.” The white one looked at the woman for a moment before cocking his head back with a smile. “You’re that bitch we raped last week, aren’t you?” he exclaimed. “What?” the woman asked nervously. The two ResEs then looked at each other. “Guess not,” the white one said. “Well, maybe she’s the bitch we’re going to rape then,” the black one said. Both men laughed.

“Alright, fun’s over,” the white ResE said “Both of you, let’s go, into the main hall.” The woman slowly walked out, careful to avoid looking at either ResE. John attempted to follow her until the black ResE stopped him. “Pants,” he said plainly. John went for his boxers until the ResE looked around the room quick and asked “Where the fuck your pants-pants at?”

“I don’t have time for dress up, Mean,” the other ResE called as John was immediately pushed out the room before he could even grab his boxers. All he had to hide himself with was the top hat. “We really want some fat, naked white guy to look at?” the black ResE asked. “The fuck if I care,” the white one responded “If anything, his three inch cock should give everyone a nice laugh.” Both men laughed again.

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